Military and Law Enforcement, by Ricky

          I once served as a Deputy Sheriff in Pima County (Tucson)
Arizona for just short of 4-years.  At
one time Pima County extended all the way south to the Mexican border during
the time that Wyatt Earp was a lawman in that part of the county.  So, he and I were both deputies in Pima
County.  I resigned returning to college
and pursuing a BS degree in Law Enforcement but the school, BYU, changed the
focus of the course so I graduated with a BS in Justice Administration.  During my time in Tucson, I was stationed 24
miles north in the Marana Substation and also served about 9-months in the
vehicle maintenance section coordinating vehicle repairs and routine
maintenance.
          In those years I went to 3 fatal traffic accidents;
apprehended two armed robbers—recovering $10,000 in stolen money from a drug
rip-off; convinced a local “runaway” to return home voluntarily; recovered one
stolen car driven by 5 escapees from a Texas Sheriff’s youth farm/ranch—the
oldest being only 12; detained for ICE numerous undocumented aliens; eliminated
one very potential neighborhood “feud” between a 12 yr old boy and an out of
patience new neighbor; arrested four California men who came to Tucson to buy
bricks of marijuana and who had an illegal sawed off shotgun; tracked burglars
through the dessert; became a scoutmaster for the church troop; wrote over 200
traffic tickets; arrested 30 drunk drivers—one of which was a priest (I later
learned the local “retreat” was one where the church sent its pedophile priests
for rehab);  did not arrest one drunk
driver because he was only 20 feet from his driveway; got propositioned by a
waitress; got propositioned by the CIA; recovered a stolen purse at a high
school football game—referring one 6th grade repentant boy to his father
and one unrepentant boy to the system via a “paper referral” and released him
to his father; was the only lawman in 500 square miles during midnight shifts;
in an act of revenge, I collected enough “dirt” on one of my supervisors that
he was transferred back to Tucson and decided to resign instead—2-years short
of retirement; and saving the best for last, I got married.  Working in Marana was exactly like being a
Wild West deputy except I drove a car instead of riding a horse.  I loved the work.
          When I resigned to return to college, I was in the process
of collecting signatures to run for the local Justice of the Peace.  Although I had more than enough signatures,
when BYU called and said there was an opening in married student housing,
Deborah and I decided to return so I could finish my degree.  She had to quit her medical technologist
position so we could go.  Shortly after
arriving and starting classes, I remembered why I really didn’t like
school.  I also joined Air Force ROTC so
ended up on active duty once again when I graduated.
          My first assignment as an officer was to the security
police squadron at Malmstrom AFB, Montana as a Shift Commander for the on-base
law enforcement and base security flights. 
The base security flight primarily guarded the nuclear weapons storage
area.  I spent two-years in that position
and then was assigned as a Flight Security Officer for the flights providing
security response in the off-base missile field.  My flight and I would be away from the base
for 3 ½ days at a time.  I participated
in a few incidents but the one experience I really want to tell you all about
occurred after I arrived at my next base in Jacksonville, Arkansas circa 1984.
          Little Rock AFB was home to a missile wing supporting the
liquid fueled Titan II ICBM.  In
September 1980 prior to my arrival (1983), one nuclear tipped missile exploded
in its silo.  This is the story of what
happened before, during, and after the incident.  This information is not classified so I won’t
have to kill any of you after you’re done reading it.
          Whenever a nuclear warhead is present, Air Force
regulations require that at least two people must be present in such proximity
to each other that each can monitor the actions of the other—absolutely no
exceptions or violations are tolerated. 
The Titan II is a two-stage rocket. 
To save weight, parts of the very thin outer skin of the rocket are
actually part of the fuel tanks.  The
fuel is of two types—an oxidizer and the fuel. 
Both are hypergolic, meaning that when the two chemicals touch, they
instantly ignite.  The fuel and oxidizer
tanks are so thin that the rocket will collapse in upon itself if the liquid
fuels are removed improperly as the fuel keeps the tanks from being able to
collapse.  The skin is so thin that
hand-held maintenance tools to be used on the missile or its components have
lanyards permanently attached to prevent the tool (sockets, wrenches, etc.)
from falling between the rocket and the maintenance platforms surrounding it
and puncturing the skin.
          So, one day all the counts, accounts, no accounts, and
recounts (oh wait that’s different story). 
One fateful day, two maintenance technicians were in the silo performing
maintenance on a component internal to the missile.  One of the men needed a tool that he forgot
to bring down with him.  He knew that a
tool box (with tools to be used elsewhere in the underground launch complex
outside of the silo) was located in the tunnel towards the launch control
capsule.  These tools did not have
lanyards attached.  Being stupid,
careless, or just plain lazy, he left his partner alone with the missile (major
violation #1 and also stupid decision #1) and went to get the unauthorized tool
rather than having them both go topside and return with the authorized tool
(stupid decision #2).
          The tool needed was a socket for a socket wrench.  While using the socket, it slipped off the
wrench and because it did not have a lanyard, the socket fell between the
missile and the maintenance platform around the missile (Murphy’s Law in
action).  Can you guess what happened
right after the “Oh shit” expletive?  You
guessed it.  The socket fell three or
more levels gaining momentum before hitting the edge of a platform below and
bouncing into the side of the missile puncturing a fuel tank.  Instantly, red fuming nitric oxide began to
leak setting off the chemical vapor sensors which triggered the alarm.  The launch crew ordered the silo evacuated
and notified the base of the problem (good decision #1).
          The deputy wing commander responded with the emergency
response teams.  Upon arrival, two
environmentally suited fuel personnel went down to the silo to inspect the
damage.  Upon their report the base contacted
the Martin-Murrieta company (the builder of the Titan II) to get their
input.  After a short period of time,
Martin-Murrieta replied: 1st you can’t do anything to stop the leak;
and 2nd the missile will explode in approximately 8 ½ hours your
local time today.  Periodically, the two
fuel personnel were sent down to check on the progress of the leak (dangerous
or even stupid decision #3).  (No
civilian or even some military members routinely accuse local commanders of
using their brains.  Yes, I am biased.)  At one time, they even ordered the 740-ton
silo cover door be opened so that the explosion would not be contained within
the silo.  Instantly the highly toxic red
vapor left the silo and a large red “cloud” began to drift towards highly
populated centers, so the cover was closed (good decision #2).
          An order was given to send one man back down to check on
the missile (the launch capsule had been evacuated by this time) (major
violation #2 & stupid decision #3).
As
the 8 ½ hour time limit approached, two environmentally suited personnel were
ordered down to check on the missile (stupid decision #4 and also fatal).  As the expected explosion time arrived, the
two suited personnel were on their way back. 
The first one had cleared the stairwell coming up completely above
ground.  The second one was still half
underground when the missile exploded. 
The first man was blown across the complex into the chain link fence
where the fence fabric cushioned his impact. 
The second man was “cut in half” at the waist by the force of the
blast.  The debris from the incident was
stored in an above ground maintenance shed at one of the remaining missile
complex sites.  I had the pass-key and I
actually saw the remaining parts of the destroyed missile and the bloody
environmental suit of the airman who died.
Here
is the sequence of events at the time of the explosion.  The fuel finally leaked out enough that the
missile began to collapse.  As it
collapsed the other 1st stage fuel tank ruptured, the two chemicals
touched and instantly exploded; the pressure lifted the 740-ton silo cover door
off its foundation rails; the blast spread out circular injuring the two
airman; that blast caused the 2nd stage fuel tanks to rupture and
they also added to the explosion which accomplished five things; 1st
the 740-ton door was lifted quite high; 2nd the nuclear warhead was
blasted like a bullet into the bottom of the 740-ton door breaking it into two
pieces one being 1/3rd the size of the original; 3rd the
larger piece flew about 30 yards and then flattened the Air Force pickup truck
that the deputy wing or base commander had been sitting in just 30-seconds
earlier; 4th the smaller piece landed about 100 yards away; and 5th
the warhead was nowhere to be found (major violation #3—a lost and unguarded
nuclear bomb—heads will roll).
The
rest of the night, military radio traffic was filled with the euphemisms “has
it been found” and “where is it”.  The
bomb was found the following morning during daylight hours.  One of the perimeter security guards was
actually sitting on it all night.  He
never reported finding it because he didn’t know what it was.
EPILOG
1.    
All security police personnel were shown a
dummy warhead during their initial orientation upon arrival at the base (it
looks like a large milk can of the type used on family dairy farms);
2.    
The two environmentally suited airmen were
given medals (one posthumously);
3.    
The surviving suited airman was given a
Letter of Reprimand because he was the one who went down alone to check on the
missile even though he was following orders—he was supposed to refuse to obey
as it was an illegal order; and
4.    
Nuclear bombs are designed to be
“three-point safe”.  This means that they
will not yield a nuclear explosion if burned, receive a high impact, or hit by
a stray electrical charge.  The design
could never be thoroughly tested.  Anecdote:  When the person who created the three-point
safe design was told that the bomb was found with a large dent (from impacting
the 740-ton door) having survived the explosion, he was heard to say, “I TOLD
them it would work!”
5.    
In 1984, I became the project officer for
the installation, planning the procedures for use, and personnel training for a
DES confidential real-time usage encrypted radio system.
          I know this is the true story because I read parts of the
official investigation report and reviewed the numerous photographs.  One photograph sticks in my mind.  It is an overhead shot of the silo taken via
helicopter.  The silo opening is dead
center and surrounding it are compression circles.  It strongly reminds me of a dart board or
even a target.
          Do any of you remember hearing or reading about this event?
 I was in the Air Force as a Missile Security
Officer in 1980 stationed in Montana; I never heard of it.
For other versions of the explosion go
to:
The public versions are different than
the official investigative report I read. (Nothing new about that is there?)
What did a Titan Launch Complex look
like?  Go to:
© 31 Mar 2012 
About the Author 
I was born in June of 1948 in Los Angeles, living first in Lawndale
and then in Redondo Beach.  Just prior to
turning 8 years old in 1956, I was sent to live with my grandparents on their
farm in Isanti County, Minnesota for two years during which time my parents
divorced.
When united with my mother and stepfather two years later
in 1958, I lived first at Emerald Bay and then at South Lake Tahoe, California,
graduating from South Tahoe High School in 1966.  After three tours of duty with the Air Force,
I moved to Denver, Colorado where I lived with my wife and four children until
her passing away from complications of breast cancer four days after the 9-11-2001
terrorist attack.
I came out as a gay man in the summer of 2010.   I find writing these memories to be
therapeutic.
My story blog is: TheTahoeBoy.Blogspot.com

Blue Skies, by Ray S

Good
afternoon, Class. Our subject word for today is innuendo. I trust you’ve done
your homework, thus you’re cognizant of how to employ this word. Just tickle
your prurient mind department and chuckle away.
First
off, “Blue Skies” is the title of an old song which prompts a visit to Tin Pan
Alley. You recall the next line—“Smiling at me, nothing but Blue Skies do I
see.”
Now,
see what these titles can do with a little alteration, interpretation, and
innuendo, a la GLBTQ.
Pack up your troubles in your old kit
bag and smile, smile, smile
It’s a long way to Tipperary
Over there, over there
Blow, Gabriel, Blow
Over the rainbow
I’m always chasing rainbows
The boy next door or the girl next
door
I’d like to hate myself in the
morning
This can’t be love
Me and my shadow
Brother, can you spare a dime?
Someone to watch over me
The man I love (or woman)
How long has this been going on?
Sweet and low down
Who cares?
I’ve got a crush on you
Bess, you are my woman, now
I got it bad and that ain’t good
I loves you Porgy
My blue heaven (you fill in the name
of your choice)
Happy days are here again
I’m young and healthy
Over there
The varsity drag
Ain’t we got fun
Little girl
Change partners
What’ll I do?
How deep is the ocean?
Let’s have another cup of coffee
Say it isn’t so
Don’t lie under the apple tree
I hate men
He needs me
After I say I’m sorry
Somebody loves me
Hard hearted Hannah
I never knew
Frankie and Johnnie
I can’t give you anything but love
How come you do me like you do, do,
do?
I wish I could shimmy like my sister
Kate
After you’ve gone
Minnie the moocher
Willow weep for me
There’s a small hotel
The lady is a tramp
I enjoy being a girl
This can’t be love
I’ve got you under my skin
Why can’t you behave?
They say it’s wonderful
The girl (boy) that I marry
You go to my head
That old feeling
When I’m not near the girl (boy) I
love,
          I’m in love with the girl (boy) I’m
near
Don’t worry about me
All of me
You make me feel so young
Anything goes
Oh, look at me now.
         Sing along now and “Get Happy.”
© 27 June 2016 

About the Author





When Things Don’t Work, by Phillip Hoyle

My marriage to Myrna Kay Vance Hoyle worked very well for
many years. I am sure Myrna was trying to have the world’s best marriage, to
live the dream of being the princess with her prince charming to fulfill the
purpose of her mother’s rather unrelenting discipline that focused on making
her a housewife so she could rear and educate children and care for her
husband. So Myrna approached her life as a wife with enthusiasm and talent and
a wonderful attitude.
I was living into the cultural fantasy of the straight life
even though from an early age I was far from straight. I wanted a family not as
the fulfillment of a dream but as a matter of course. How else could anyone
live? I wanted the pleasures and security of family life and so worked in my
way with good humor, consideration, kindness, and reliability to make it
possible. I liked family life with its endless variety—Myrna’s and my family life
spiced up with children, foster children, unusual friendships, and great
tolerance.
Myrna was interested in home economy and observed I had
little interest in keeping up with domestic bookkeeping. “Would it help you if
I kept the books?” she asked. “Sure,” I replied. I wasn’t into some stereotype.
Perhaps she was since her mother kept the books for the family farm where she was
reared.
My focus was outside the home although I loved my wife and
our children and the other denizens of our house on Volutsia Street or our
apartment on Las Vegas Boulevard or our rental on Bald Hill Road or the
apartment on Ellis Boulevard or our townhouse on Morris Street or the apartment
at Sixth and Lead or our residence in the basement of her parent’s farm home or
the apartment on Boulder Blvd. I came home every night, twice a month happily
turned over my paycheck, occasionally helped solve domestic conflicts, all this
with joy, calm, commitment, and laughter.
My wife and I respected and loved each other. Although we
both worked to lessen or avoid conflict, we certainly could talk through, even
argue our different perspectives and come to a mutually agreeable solution.
Neither of us was selfish although I had a much greater capacity for being so
than she. And I had this longtime nurtured gay self that I appreciated and
loved. I didn’t repress my homosexuality but realized that in order to live my life
as a minister in a church I had to sublimate any number of my urges. Still I
found ways to respect this part of myself, and even satisfy some of it without
hurting other people or myself. I was skilled in my duplicity. I was also
always aware that what was gay about me was certainly not hidden. I knew myself
and I knew that others—at least some others—surely perceived this other part of
me.
Myrna and I had a great marriage, and we reared two most
interesting kids and nurtured many friends and inspired other couples to do
likewise. So why the separation? Why the eventually divorce?
When the children left home and Myrna and I were back at the
one-on-one life all the distractions and responsibilities of rearing children
lessened. Oh we still had others living with us from time to time, but I finally
could satisfy other needs, and without the children present, I did so. I did
worse than break one clause in our marriage vows: “and keep yourself only for
her.” I broke that vow with other men whom I liked intensely. Feeling the
emotional change in me, Myrna finally let herself see what she’d long known.
Finally we talked, but rushing the matter we were unable to resolve the problem.
Emotion can cause such failure, but the real failure was the institution of
marriage itself.
When we divorced some years later, a longtime friend said, “I
wish you wouldn’t. Yours was the only marriage I ever thought was worth all
problems.” I thought about her kind words and finally realized the problem was
that no one had ever developed marriage for bisexual folk. Drat.
Still, Myrna’s and my friendship survived the conflict and
pain, as did our commitment to our children, grandchildren, and many
friendships from our married days. Marriage as a reified institution with a
long history of mythology and law to bolster it eventually didn’t work for us. No
matter how hard we both tried. Still what brought us together in the first
place—friendship and love—continues to flourish between us.
© 8 December,
2014 
About the Author 
 Phillip Hoyle
lives in Denver and spends his time writing, painting, and socializing. In
general he keeps busy with groups of writers and artists. Following thirty-two
years in church work and fifteen in a therapeutic massage practice, he now
focuses on creating beauty. He volunteers at The Center leading the SAGE
program “Telling Your Story.”
He also blogs at artandmorebyphilhoyle.blogspot.com

Mark Thompson, by Pat Gourley

Mark Thompson (August 19th, 1952 – August 11th,
2106) a pioneer and chronicler of gay men’s lives with particular focus on the
phenomenon of gay male spirituality, defined and given direction in part by the
Radical Fairie movement, died this past week on the 11th of August.
Mark was 63 and just a few days short of his birthday with plans to celebrate
with friends in Palm Springs. Mark’s contributions to the Queer Revolution are
legion and extensive.  He was preceded in
death by his long time partner Malcolm Boyd, the well-known gay activist and
Episcopal priest who died in February of last year (2015).
Do check out Mark’s web site to get a flavor of his broad
insights and talents: http://www.markthompsongayspirit.com/author.html
I did not know Mark Thompson well having met him briefly only
a couple of times dating back to that first Spiritual Conference for Radical
Fairies in the Arizona desert. At that time Mark worked for the Advocate, a publication he was associated
with for over 20 years culminating in 1994 with his editing Long Road to Freedom: The Advocate History
of the Gay and Lesbian Movement
(St. Martin’s Press).
I got to “know” Mark best through his trilogy on gay
spirituality:
Gay Spirit: Myth and Meaning (Lethe Press-1987)
Gay Soul: Finding the Heart of Gay Spirit and Nature.
(Harper San Francisco-1994)
Gay Body: A Journey Through Shadow to Self. (St
Martin’s Press-1997)
Gay Soul in particular was a very loving and
reinforcing work for me coming at the darkest time in the AIDS nightmare in my
own life both professionally and personally. It was a time when in my darkest
moments I was questioning the whole gay liberation movement and wondering what
had we wrought here. These bouts of anguished questioning occurring most often
late at night usually resolved themselves by morning with the returning sun but
twinges did often linger. It was truly juice for my “soul” to read Mark’s
conversations with 16 prominent gay men several of whom I had gotten to know.
Though I would not have self-identified as an atheist (were
there any atheists working in AIDS Clinics in the 1980-90’s?) in 1994 as I do
now I definitely found succor in these great gay mentors discussing Gay Soul. As I have re-perused some of
Mark’s writings from Gay Soul in the
past few days they remain soothing in spite of my own current skeptical views
on many things spiritual. I find that Judy Grahn’s words from the back jacket
of Gay Soul taken from her review of
the book in the Advocate still resonate strongly for me: “What Thompson has given gay men in Gay Soul is an outpouring of
much-needed love-from new kinds of “fathers
”.
I’d close with a few lines by Mark Thompson from the
introduction to Gay Soul:
“My soul is the repository of all that I
feel: my appetites and my ambitions, sadness and joy. It is the place where
inspiration germinates and from which vitality grows. It is also the place of
perplexity and unfathomable fear. Above all, I sense that my soul is the inner
arena in which life’s combustible opposites collide, creating dissonance and
upheaval as well as new harmony and stasis. Somewhere in this great container
of ceaseless death and rebirth lies, too, the mystery of my being gay.”
Mark Thompson.
Los Angeles. Vernal Equinox, 1994.
© 15 Aug 2016 
About the Author 
I was born in La Porte Indiana in 1949, raised on a farm and schooled
by Holy Cross nuns. The bulk of my adult life, some 40 plus years, was spent in
Denver, Colorado as a nurse, gardener and gay/AIDS activist. I have currently returned to Denver after an
extended sabbatical in San Francisco, California.

The Gay and Lesbian Community as Social Leaders in Ancient Greece and Rome, by Louis Brown

(1)                       
The names of the planets of the solar
system were taken from Greek and Roman Mythology.
(2)                       
That brings me back to my theme, my
question of why study ancient Greek and Roman history?
(3)                       
When I was a High School freshman, I
took an elective course in ancient history. I have been interested ever since,
up to a point, in the study of ancient Greece and Rome.
(4)                       
I remember when I gave my somewhat
verbose report on the novel The Dictator. I got the impression that some of you
listeners were wondering why on earth I was going on and on about the status of
Julius Caesar – was he an emperor or a dictator? And also about the final,
gruesome assassination of Cato.
(5)                       
The answer is because, in the ancient
world of Greece and Rome, gay and Lesbian people had a completely different
status from that we had in the 19th Century in the British Empire
under Queen Victoria who persecuted us mindlessly and irrationally.
(6)                       
It took me a while to understand what
certain gay classical history scholars were trying to tell me, but, thanks
mainly to Alexander the Great, gay men had control of the ancient Greek
military establishment.
(7)                       
Straight heterosexual men, the
“breeders” were expected to stay home and bring up the children. The freer
uncommitted population of gay men were expected to become the nation’s warriors,
which they did.
(8)                       
In other words, for gay men and
Lesbians, ancient Greek and ancient Roman society constituted our golden age.
An army of gay lovers was invincible, didn’t Alexander the Great prove that?
(9)                       
 From Wikipedia: Sir John Edwin Sandys – Latin
Epigraphy (1927). [1]
Roman historiography is indebted to the Greeks, who invented the form. The Romans had great models to
base their works upon, such as Herodotus (c. 484 – 425 BCE) and Thucydides (c. 460 – c. 395 BCE). Roman historiographical forms are different from the Greek
ones however, and voice very Roman concerns. Unlike the Greeks, Roman
historiography did not start out with an oral historical tradition. The Roman
style of history was based on the way that the Annals of the Pontifex Maximus, or the Annales Maximi, were recorded. The Annales Maximi include a wide array
of information, including religious documents, names of consuls, deaths of
priests, and various disasters throughout history. Also part of the Annales
Maximi are the White Tablets, or the “Tabulae Albatae,” which consist of
information on the origin of the republic.
(10)                 
In other words, the Roman historians
improved over the Greeks, because the Romans attempted to base their historical
reporting on written records rather than on traditional folklore. It was
somewhat more scientific.
(11)                 
“Pontifex maximus” was the religious title
of the emperor, the Imperator. Of course, his annals of events were of course
biased to extol and emphasize his own glory. It means the greatest bridge
builder. Recently certain democrats and the Pope criticized Donald Trump for
promoting the idea of building a wall. They said the President should be a
bridge builder not a wall builder. That reminded me of the Pontifex maximus.
(12)                 
In trying to study ancient Greek and Roman
history, however, the novice notices that they contradict each other, so that a
clear statement of actually what happened way back when was often impossible.
(13)                 
In other words, before studying classical
history, it would be better first to study how to study ancient classical
history – i.e. “historiography”.
(14)                 
To limit ourselves to ancient Greek and
Roman mythology, Mercury (planet nearest to the sun), in Greek was Hermes the
winged messenger.
(15)                 
Venus (a very hot planet) was Aphrodite,
the Goddess of Beauty.
(16)                 
Earth was Roman Terra, ancient Greek was
Gaia. Parenthetically, earth goddess in Germanic mythology was Erde – she had a
very interesting story, in her own right. Altlho, amazingly, Wikipedia has no
record. Google: Erda, Earth, Jörd- (“Earth”) The Earth-Goddess
Erda is the mother of Thor, with Odin. Erda is daughter to the Night-Disir
Natt/Night and her second husband of three, Annar.
(17)                 
Uranus was the early god of the sky in pre-classical
Greek mythology. He was the father of (amongst others) Saturn who castrated his
father – for some reason. Uranus predates Zeus and Hera. Saturn was the god of
the Capitoline Hiss in ancient Rome, etc.
© 27 Sep 2016 

About the Author

I was born in 1944, I lived most of my life in New York City,
Queens County. I still commute there. I worked for many years as a Caseworker
for New York City Human Resources Administration, dealing with mentally
impaired clients, then as a social work Supervisor dealing with homeless PWA’s.
I have an apartment in Wheat Ridge, CO. I retired in 2002. I have a few
interesting stories to tell. My boyfriend Kevin lives in New York City. I
graduated Queens College, CUNY, in 1967.

Lonely Places, by Lewis

I don’t know where to
begin writing about the subject of “lonely places” without first
distinguishing them from “places of solitude”.  There’s a distinct difference.  People often deliberately seek out places of
solitude for purposes of restoration, deliberation, and soul-searching.  They are places of respite and
retrospection.  They are for clearing the
mind of clutter, connecting with feelings–sometimes painful–that cry out for
exploration.  They are like a shower for
the soul.
In contrast, “lonely
places” are more like a pity-party for the poor-in-spirit.  In the real world, there are places where
solitude-seekers can be alone.  They
offer peace and quiet and are a place to get one’s head together and sort
things out.  They are far from being
“lonely places” unless made to be so by the individual occupying them.  In this entire vast and endlessly varied
world, there is not a single space that is inherently “lonely”, for
“loneliness” is not a physical condition but a state of mind.  If I so desired, I could be lonely on a
crowded city bus or at a fair or concert. 
Sometimes, feeling lonely
can feel safer than reaching out to someone. 
Loneliness is a trust issue.  If I
trust that others can respond to pain with love, there is no need to be lonely.  I suspect that people sometimes get stuck in
loneliness because they are afraid of risking rejection should they attempt to
make some kind of human connection.  If
one is so needy that they scare people away for fear of saying or doing the
wrong thing, they might well feel that they have been rejected.  The solution to this dilemma is to break out
of the loneliness sooner rather than later. 
One way to do that is not to pout but to pucker, not to slump or slink
but to sidle up to someone.
When Laurin died in late
2012, I lost my constant companion and lover. 
The pain was almost unbearable.  I
could have withdrawn into self-pity and made myself lonely.  I am not an extrovert; I’m rather shy,
actually.  I do not particularly like
parties or being in large crowds.  But I
do crave human connection.  I like doing
things for other people.  It’s difficult
for me to allow others to do for me.  But
that’s exactly what I did.  I attended a
grief support group here at The Center and a wellness support group at my
church.  I made a concerted effort to
make new friends and freshen older friendships. 
I had plenty of time to be alone, especially at night.  But I found that simply by being open to the
love and caring of others I had no time or predilection for loneliness.
Social media of the
electronic variety has made connecting with others easier than ever.  I would attribute the nearly pervasive
persistence with which both young and old today text, tweet, and instant
message to a desperate need to circumvent loneliness.  I hope its working.  But when it comes to feeling truly part of
the human community, there’s nothing like a warm hug–perhaps even topped with
a big, wet kiss.
© 11 Aug 2014 

About
the Author
 
I came to the
beautiful state of Colorado out of my native Kansas by way of Michigan, the
state where I married and I came to the beautiful state of Colorado out of my
native Kansas by way of Michigan, the state where I married and had two
children while working as an engineer for the Ford Motor Company. I was married
to a wonderful woman for 26 happy years and suddenly realized that life was
passing me by. I figured that I should make a change, as our offspring were
basically on their own and I wasn’t getting any younger. Luckily, a very
attractive and personable man just happened to be crossing my path at that
time, so the change-over was both fortuitous and smooth.
Soon after, I
retired and we moved to Denver, my husband’s home town. He passed away after 13
blissful years together in October of 2012. I am left to find a new path to
fulfillment. One possibility is through writing. Thank goodness, the SAGE
Creative Writing Group was there to light the way.

Cool, by Gillian

Back
in the hippie days, when it was cool to be cool, I was not cool. The cool years
found me married – not cool, too traditional: raising four step-children – not
particularly cool: working endless overtime hours – certainly not cool,
for a major international corporation – just about as uncool as you
could get.
No.
I completely missed out on cool. Or it missed me.
The
only time I remember anyone using the adjective about me was some incident when
I came upon my oldest step-son and some buddies in the throes of one of his
many transgressions, they were so numerous and varied that I don’t recall
exactly what he was into that particular time. But I do remember him shrugging
and saying to his companions, “It’s OK. Gill’s cool.”
By
which he meant, of course, that I was not going to go off into some
unfathomable (at least to him) rage over the smoking or drinking or sex or
whatever it was; most likely all three and then some. That was exactly what his
father would have done, whereas I would prefer to attempt a calm discussion. By
comparison I guess I was pretty cool. But that was a slightly different use of
the expression. I was never to be a cool dude or a cool cat.
These
days, the term seems to have made a comeback – rather too much of one as it
pops up incessantly. One particular example has rather amused me. I have been
asked a few times recently, what Betsy’s relationship is to me. (As I very
recently went on a bit of a rave about this very topic I won’t say much here,
but honestly! Of what significance is the exact nature of our relationship to a
window salesperson and a colonoscopy receptionist??) Where was I? Oh yeah.  When I reply that Betsy is my spouse the
response seems inevitably to be, ‘cool!’ which I find unobjectionable but
nevertheless a little odd. When I was with a man and had some cause to state
that he was my husband, no-one ever found that to be cool. But I mulled it over
and decided it was rather sweet. People feel the need to say something positive
in response. OK. Cool.
But
then, when this topic came up for today, I realized that actually I had very
little knowledge of what it is supposed to mean, these days. I turned to
urbandictionary.com which informed me that cool is, among other things,
and I quote, ‘… a word to say when you don’t know what else to say …..’
And
that, in my book, if you’re talking about my marriage, is pretty un-damn-cool!
© 16 May 2016 
About the Author 
 I
was born and raised in England. After graduation from college there, I moved to
the U.S. and, having discovered Colorado, never left. I have lived in the
Denver-Boulder area since 1965, working for 30-years at IBM. I married, raised
four stepchildren, then got divorced after finally, in my forties, accepting
myself as a lesbian. I have been with
my wonderful partner Betsy for thirty-years. We have been married since 2013.

Carl’s Eulogy, by Cecil Bethea

MOM’S TRIP TO SEE HER BABY BOY
Two to three months after I joined
the Air Force, Mom came to visit me at Lowry, in Denver.  Not only was this my first time away, it was
the first time her favorite son had left her. 
Gary was still Lend-Lease. 
I took her to breakfast at the
recreation center (a bowling alley).  As
we were proceeding through the line, choosing from the offerings, Mom saw a
dismaying sight, a kid, much like her own kid, had chosen glazed doughnuts and
was carrying them around the neck of real cold bottle of beer.
I told her, that I was to be in a
parade and where it was to be.  She went
to the parade grounds, seeing an empty seat in a small bleacher section, she
decided it had a nice view and sat down. 
Just before the parade started, the section started to fill, she started
to scoot over, but they insisted she remain.
So the seating order was squadron
commander, adjutant, base commander (a Major General), Mom, another squadron
commander and his aide.  When the troops
passed in review, they stood.  Mom did
too.

THE TRIP TO ELITCH’S
Soon after the first trip to Denver,
Mom and Dad took their first family vacation. 
They came to visit me at Lowry, in Denver.  Mom, Dad, Carol, Mary Jo, and Sandra stayed
in a motel.
CONSPICUOUS CONSUMPTION
I took them to Elitch Gardens a
Denver landmark (and amusement park). 
Admission was minimal, $.10 or such, but the rides tickets were $.05
each and a ride required 2 – 9 tickets.
There dozens of rides.  Carol, a jaded 14, didn’t think much of it.
Mary Jo and Sandra were prime targets for an amusement park 8 and 10-years
old. 
The 5 cent tickets were going fast,
and we were rationing them pretty severely. 
Each ride required reconnoitering as to its ticket worthiness.  Then we came to a loop-o-plane that had
riders in the upper cars but no one in line. 
The ride operator recognized me as a fellow instructor at Lowry and saw
my family – he beckoned us forth and installed everyone in the empty
seats.  It was the usual gruesome ride (I
don’t like amusement parks) but it was free.
A little while later Mary Jo came
running with a several foot long strip of tickets.  When asked, she said, “Carl’s friend gave them
to me!”  Mom, in an uncharacteristic
gesture said, “In a town this big, someone knows you?”  She hugged me and rest of the evening was
spent in spending free tickets.

OUR TRIP OVER THE PASS
Mom, Cecil, and I set out to see the
wonders of Butte in 1975.  We went to the
mining museum at the top of the hill (not the present museum).  There were some things of interest but not
enough justify a trip all the way to Butte. 
We walked through the parking lot to the east side and a took a gander
at Butte, laid out in all of its splendor beneath us, the head frames and
trucks were all going with great busyness. 
I looked about discovered Mom had found something much more interesting,
this was the site of the Butte landfill. 
The trash and treasures of Butte were totally occupying her attention.
When I pried her away from the trash,
I asked where else she would like to go. 
She said, “over Shakalo Pass,” (between Butte and the Bitterroot
Valley).  I asked, “If she hadn’t already
been there, done that?”  She replied that
this time she wanted to ride and see it. I asked what she had done on previous
visits.  She replied, ”Carried a rock”.
It seems that was a narrow, steep
road that the family was traveling to the Bitterroot to pick beans.  Mom’s and her sister Virginia’s job was to
walk behind the wagon and each carry a rock to place behind the wheel when the
horses needed a rest.
  
NOT “GOING TO THE SUN HIGHWAY”
Mom grew up in Montana but was not
well traveled there.  Cecil and I offered
to take her to and over the “Going to the Sun” highway.  She most strenuously declined, “That thing is
dangerous, there are always cars falling off and killing people.”  I told her, that if that were the case, it
would be full of cars by now and no great threat.  She was adamant and “would have no truck with
such.
We had no more than returned to
Denver than a letter arrived with the front page of the GREAT FALLS TRIBUNE
featuring a lurid aerial shot of the Going to the Sun and the path to
destruction of its latest two victims.
Mom never did see Glacier Park, but
she did see Yellowstone on her honeymoon. 
She, and her new husband, were accompanied by her mother – his new
mother-in-law.
© 6 Mar 2006 
About the Author 
Although
I have done other things, my fame now rests upon the durability of my
partnership with Carl Shepherd; we have been together for forty-two years and
nine months as of today, August 18th, 2012.
Although
I was born in Macon, Georgia in 1928, I was raised in Birmingham during the
Great Depression.  No doubt I still carry
invisible scars caused by that era.  No
matter we survived.  I am talking about
my sister, brother, and I.  There are two
things that set me apart from people. 
From about the third grade I was a voracious reader of books on almost
any subject.  Had I concentrated, I would
have been an authority by now; but I didn’t with no regrets.
After
the University of Alabama and the Air Force, I came to Denver.  Here I met Carl, who picked me up in Mary’s
Bar.  Through our early life, we traveled
extensively in the mountain West.  Carl
is from Helena, Montana, and is a Blackfoot Indian.  Our being from nearly opposite ends of the
country made “going to see the folks” a broadening experience.  We went so many times that we finally had
“must see” places on each route like the Quilt Museum in Paducah, Kentucky and
the polo games in Sheridan, Wyoming.  Now
those happy travels are only memories.
I was
amongst the first members of the memory writing class.  While it doesn’t offer criticism, it does
offer feedback.  Also, just trying to
improve your writing helps no end.

Snow Falling on a Sleepless Night, by Carlos

Snow fell last night
like silent doves descending
from heaven’s realm.
For one brief moment, the
voices of angry men subsided,
and the weary slumbered,
cocooned within folds of peace.
Empty promises and shattered
dreams flew off.
The recent dead again reposed
like opalescent bubbles in frozen lakes.
And spectral omens flew off,
declaring no more of darkness, no more of fears.
Prayers and hope for our land
broke out from wounded hearts.
Men and women of stolid hopes
again looked up, declaring,
We shall not fall as pawns.
We shall not despair the
ebbing of the light.
For like the snow quietly
descending from above,
so shall we our joy proclaim,
as we restore what we have
lost.
Let the bugle, therefore, rent
the clouds above;
let the snows purge the world
anew,
cloaking us with conviction,
that beneath a mantle of
pristine white,
we may again rejoice.
© 21 Nov 2016 
About the Autho
Cervantes wrote, “I know who I am
and who I may choose to be.”  In spite of
my constant quest to live up to this proposition, I often falter.  I am a man who has been defined as sensitive,
intuitive, and altruistic, but I have also been defined as being too shy, too
retrospective, too pragmatic.  Something
I know to be true. I am a survivor, a contradictory balance of a realist and a
dreamer, and on occasions, quite charming. 
Nevertheless, I often ask Spirit to keep His arms around my shoulder and
His hand over my mouth.  My heroes range
from Henry David Thoreau to Sheldon Cooper, and I always have time to watch Big
Bang Theory or Under the Tuscan Sun.  I
am a pragmatic romantic and a consummate lover of ideas and words, nature and
time.  My beloved husband and our three
rambunctious cocker spaniels are the souls that populate my heart. I could
spend the rest of my life restoring our Victorian home, planting tomatoes, and
lying under coconut palms on tropical sands. 
I believe in Spirit, and have zero tolerance for irresponsibility,
victim’s mentalities, political and religious orthodoxy, and intentional
cruelty.  I am always on the look-out for
friends, people who find that life just doesn’t get any better than breaking
bread together and finding humor in the world around us. 

You’ll Never Know, by Betsy

I’m always fascinated by new information, new knowledge, new
happenings. There have been a lot of new things to think about particularly in
recent weeks— dramatic events taking place across the globe—much of this has
gotten everyone’s attention.  In recent years,
new knowledge about our universe, our solar system, galaxy, and outer space has
gotten my attention.
Take the universe, for example.  Science has recently learned that our
universe is expanding at an ever-increasing rate of speed.  It is because of this expansion, that our
universe will eventually die, they say—latest estimates are about 300 trillion
years from now. That will happen, of course, long after the death of our solar
system.  And that death will come long
after the death of our planet. Scientists believe the energy for this expansion
comes from dark matter. We used to think that space—the darkness between the
stars and other bodies we see in outer space—we used to think it was just
that—space, emptiness.  But now it seems
it is some sort of energy now called dark matter. The nature of this energy,
unfortunately and most likely, we will never know. Or maybe we will learn some
things about it in our lifetimes, but not much. 
What I do know is that in this current life I will never know, you will
never know, we will never know all there is to know about dark matter. Come to
think of it we’ll never know what it is that we don’t know, will we, or even
how much we don’t know.
Just as engaging are some of the recent events that have
taken place in the U.S. and around the world. 
The events are not so fascinating to me—horrific as they may be.  It’s people’s reactions to the events that
intrigue me—especially some of our leaders.
I am more than mystified that over 30 governors have stated
that no Syrian refugees will be allowed into their states. The rest of the
country says they are welcome. The 30 say it is to keep their people safe. I
understand wanting to keep your people safe, but I don’t understand why it is
Syrians who are the ones to be kept out. The Syrians are not the terrorists.
They are the refugees, most of them widows and orphans trying to escape the
horrors. The terrorists are from other countries. Yes, the ISIS headquarters
are in Syria at the moment, but don’t our governors understand that the
perpetrators are not necessarily Syrians?
If refugees are to be allowed entrance into the U.S. they
must be screened, re screened and screened again. This, I understand, is the
current process. But it does not make sense to me that while a Syrian family
sits waiting for 2 years for numbers of background checks to prove they are
harmless to Americans, anyone in the U.S—anyone and everyone—regardless of who
they are—almost anyone can buy an assault weapon—a weapon designed for killing
people. No questions asked.  Why do we
have a system like this?  I will never
know, you will never know, and we will never know.
Also on the list of mysteries is the responses of most of the
Republican presidential candidates to the acts of terror happening around the
world and how they would keep their people safe were they, God forbid, to
become president.  Rounding up all the
Muslims and kicking them out is probably the most outrageous. Again, that only
feeds the conflict, which  is what ISIS
and all the terrorist organizations are hoping for. 
How ‘bout we only allow Christians into the country. I don’t
need to describe the problems with that plan. What I will never know is how to
answer questions like: do they really think all Americans are Christians. I’m
mind boggled. 
What are people thinking? Or are they just not thinking? Or
are they just playing politics.  I wonder
if I will ever know, if you will ever know, or if we will ever know.
© 23 Nov 2015 
About the Author 
 Betsy has been active in
the GLBT community including PFLAG, the Denver Women’s Chorus, OLOC (Old
Lesbians Organizing for Change), and the GLBT Community Center. She has been
retired from the human services field for 20 years. Since her retirement, her major
activities have included tennis, camping, traveling, teaching skiing as a
volunteer instructor with the National Sports Center for the Disabled, reading,
writing, and learning. Betsy came out as a lesbian after 25 years of marriage.
She has a close relationship with her three children and four grandchildren.
Betsy says her greatest and most meaningful enjoyment comes from sharing her
life with her partner of 30 years, Gillian Edwards.