the closet I had an impression of what homosexual culture was. My narrow
perspective was formed by the very same institutions and people that had
created in me the sense that who I was and the sexual energy that stirred in me
was wrong, something to be changed, Something that even warranted a death
sentence.
I was confident that I would be regarded as dark and sinful and lacking in
moral integrity. I learned from the culture in which I existed there had to be
a sense of moral depravity on the part of those who engaged in homosexual
behavior.
The culture taught that homosexuals were degenerates and even a threat to the
sanctity of American family values. Certain politicians had identified
for the American public that homosexuals, especially those who asked for their
rights to marry were no different than terrorists.
Homosexual acts and those who committed them had always been described in less
than flattering terms. After all, gay men were the equivalent of dog fuckers!
Jokes abounded about the likes of homosexuals. Homosexuals were seen as a threat to all
things decent and good. Sodomites. Psychiatric nut cases. Child
molesters. In the minds of some, homosexuals were regarded as “The Revolution”.
As a man of a certain sexual persuasion, I existed in the closet with greater
intensity, extremely fearful of the culture that I would enter if I were ever
courageous enough to step through the door that I had locked and sealed so many
years ago. Even though I knew who I was, or at least of the sexual energy
that stirred in me, I felt the guilt and the shame from the cultural
understandings of homosexuality by association.
The shock of the homosexual culture as described by the predominant culture was
so intense, disgusting and terrifying that the thought I could ever cross the
threshold of the doorway, kept me from the very essence of who I am. To enter
such a culture seemed an impossibility.
At this time in my life the true shock for me that is experienced is in the
disgust I hold for those who perpetuate the lies, judgments and condemnation of
this culture, my culture.
within me to cross the closet threshold and enter the culture that I had feared
for so long; my judgments, my concerns and my fears were immediately disproven.
begins to address the experiences I am having as I coexist in this family I am
coming to know as my family of choice.
“…what goes down under my roof is a social conservative’s wet
dream.”
choice I am in the experience of profound compassion, the expression of deep
caring and consideration, and a refreshing occurrence of people existing with
one another in truth. Yes, there are exceptions but isn’t that true
generally? There seems to be an
increased level consciousness that I experience as I interact with my newest
family members. I am realizing that for
the most part they act with integrity, openness and a deep sense of personal
responsibility. They exist with dreams
and a propensity toward creating peace and living consciously.
dance floor at Charlie’s attest to the capacity of diverse people to coexist
with one another in a spirit of celebration and lightness. Men dance with men, women with women in some
instances. And at the same time there
are hetero couples moving about the floor, alongside men following the lead of
their female partners. Some of the
individuals on the floor are dressed in drag, either feminine or
masculine. Manly men, gorgeous women,
dykes, butch, fem, it doesn’t seem to matter.
Old coexist with young. Black
with white, all the demographics I was taught to fear move in unison to the
music, most significantly with engaging smiles, occasional winks and
always a parting hug as the music stops
and couples move from the dance floor back into the whole of human kind.
each to be precisely themselves. It is
sensible, and reflects hope and desire to live peacefully with the rights of
individuals, assured and respected. It is a culture that reflects true family
values.
About the Author
Donny Kaye-Is a native born Denverite. He has lived his life posing as a hetero-sexual male, while always knowing that his sexual orientation was that of a gay male. In recent years he has confronted the pressures of society that forced him into deep denial regarding his sexuality and an experience of living somewhat of a disintegrated life. “I never forgot for a minute that I was what my childhood friends mocked, what I thought my parents would reject and what my loving God supposedly condemned to limitless suffering.” StoryTime at The Center has been essential to assisting him with not only telling the stories of his childhood, adolescence and adulthood but also to merely recall the stories of his past that were covered with lies and repressed in to the deepest corners of his memory. Within the past two years he has “come out” not only to himself but to his wife of four decades, his three children, their partners and countless extended family and friends. Donny is divorced and yet remains closely connected with his family. He lives in the Capitol Hill Community of Denver, in integrity with himself and in a way that has resulted in an experience of more fully realizing integration within his life experiences. He participates in many functions of the GLBTQ community.