Tag: Betsy

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Fault, by Betsy

I first encountered the word fault meaning a gap or rift in the earth’s crust–not in school or even at home under the tutelage of my parents–but when I was around the age of 50 years partnered with my current spouse and traveling in a geologist’s paradise, the state of Utah. I always thought I had had at least an average education and I did graduate from college. Yet I knew next to nothing about geology. Now whose fault is that?

I have no memory of geology being offered as a subject in high school and not even in college. Granted I attended a liberal arts college for women, and I guess geology was not considered to be of any interest to a 1950’s female student. It’s not that science courses were not offered. Biology101 was a required subject for freshmen. Plenty of courses were offered in chemistry, physics, and other sciences. But no geology or Earth science.

Part of the fault lies in the fact that it was not until the 1940‘s and 50‘s that geologists began to develop a new way of looking at the planet and how it works. Much that we now know about the history of our Earth has been very recently discovered. One of the few positive outcomes of the Second World War was that new technology used for searching for submarines could be developed and further used to study the ocean floor.

As a result scientists could now better understand the dynamics of the earth’s crust. Although the theory of continental drift had been around for decades, now there was an explanation for the movement of the Earth’s land masses which millions of years ago had been one large land mass called Pangea.

This theory of plate tectonics was in the development stage when I was in school. Makes me feel really old. The theory was still in its infancy and not completely developed and certainly not well established among geologists. No wonder it was not well known or understood among educators in 1950.

It seems that today the study of geology has become quite common. Most of my knowledge of the subject that I have now I have learned from my spouse in the last 20 years. Unlike myself, she studied geology in high school and college–and 10 years after I did. I have also gleaned a lot of knowledge from educational television programs about such topics as How the Earth was born, the early history of our planet, volcanoes, and global climate changes, and mass extinctions brought about by catastrophic geologic events. I find geology a fascinating subject, and I love learning new things. Geology does seem to be an excellent topic for educational TV, as the events which have made our earth what it is today are truly dramatic and lend themselves very well to television drama. No wonder. It is the fault of the earth’s faults that causes dramatic events such as tsunamis, earth quakes, volcanic eruptions–big, dramatic happenings.

Enough about the geologic fault. Another kind of fault with which I am quite familiar is the one that happens in tennis when the serve does not clear the net and drop inside the service box. In my ability and age level of tennis, the fault should be a rare happening. What a double fault amounts to is a gift for your opponents. It is a rare happening except when I am playing mixed doubles. In ladies’ senior doubles tennis, in my opinion, the serve is simply the first shot of the game and a way to put the ball in play. The point is rarely won on the serve.
I used to play some mixed doubles. I gave it up when I stopped playing on weekends and when I decided I did not want to routinely lose the game because of my partner serving double faults every time. Why is it that men serve faults so often and women hardly ever? I think it’s because men try to serve aces and women don’t. It’s very hard to serve an ace and it does not happen very often in my age group and ability level. An ace requires a great deal of spin and pace on the ball and perfect placement.

Neither I nor my team mates or our opponents are usually able to pull off such a serve. Better (and more fun) to place it well and play out the point. If I serve a fault, it’s no one’s fault but my own. And everyone knows it.

© 20 April 2015

About the Author

Betsy has been active in the GLBT community including PFLAG, the Denver Women’s Chorus, OLOC (Old Lesbians Organizing for Change), and the GLBT Community Center. She has been retired from the human services field for 20 years. Since her retirement, her major activities have included tennis, camping, traveling, teaching skiing as a volunteer instructor with the National Sports Center for the Disabled, reading, writing, and learning. Betsy came out as a lesbian after 25 years of marriage. She has a close relationship with her three children and four grandchildren. Betsy says her greatest and most meaningful enjoyment comes from sharing her life with her partner of 30 years, Gillian Edwards.

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Pushing the Buttons, by Betsy

One thing that pushes my buttons is deception
and dishonesty.
This is about pushing MY buttons when I am
pushing the buttons of my computer.
There is some excellent honest reporting and
investigative work done in the media. But all too often the words deception and
dishonesty bring to mind certain media sources and motives behind publishing
certain bits of information.
The internet is such a great source of instant
information.  Put in a search word and in
a nano-second you have more information than you ever needed.  Often more information than you know what to
do with. Sifting through it can be daunting. 
Can you trust that the information is true?  To separate the reliable from the suspicious,
I apply this criterion: what or who is the source and are they trying to sell
me something or promote a product or service. 
If the answer is “yes” I toss it out as untrustworthy.   The motive for putting the information out
there is to get me to buy something, not to disseminate information that could
be helpful or to help get to the truth, or to advance someone’s knowledge.
To report and promote the truth simply for the
sake of truth itself is a noble cause. 
Most people, organizations, and corporations have ulterior motives for
promoting their “truth.”   If this is the
case when I am searching the internet I cannot trust the information I am
reading.
We are all familiar with some of the books
promoting certain diets–often promoted as cure-alls for whatever ails
you.  For example, the vegan diet will
keep your heart healthy well into old-age. 
It can actually reverse heart disease and diabetes claim its
authors.  The Paleo diet of meat and
vegetables, no grains, no starch will keep you from ever getting any disease at
all.  I truly believe the authors of these
books are sincere and I know they are scientific in their research and
presentations of the facts they have determined to be true.  But I also know they cannot all be touting
the truth. The research they have done and they will continue to do is going to
be exclusively designed to support their truth, not destroy it.
I cannot say enough on the subject of the media
and its lack of trustworthiness.  Many
mainstream TV programs claim to be reporting the news.  But some are actually making political comments
at the expense of the truth.  The truth
all too often never gets out until it is too late.  Even if the true story is reported, we still
must be very suspicious as to whether it is accurate.
Consider the now known fact that the Iraq war
was based on a lie.  The people and the
news media were told that Saddam Hussein had WMD’s.  We had proof. 
Our government reported this information unequivocally knowing that it
was not true and the media passed it on. 
Yes, the media did report the lie accurately.  And then later reported accurately that it
all was a lie, but some Watergate-type investigative reporting might have been
very useful at that time.
So how do we know what to believe or not
believe.  People often select one belief
over another because they WANT to believe it. 
This turns out to be simply a case of self-deception.  Try changing the mind of a person who has
deceived himself into believing what he wants to believe.  I personally know very few people who behave
this way.  I suppose that’s because I
prefer to hang with people who value the truth and the ability to think, and
choose to use that ability when searching for the truth.
So when it comes to pushing the buttons on my
lap-top or getting my buttons pushed I try to evaluate as I am reading or
listening, I avoid Fox so-called news, and pick and choose the reporters I read
or listen to.
© 23 Jun 2014 
About the Author 
Betsy has been active in the GLBT
community including PFLAG, the Denver Women’s Chorus, OLOC (Old Lesbians
Organizing for Change), and the GLBT Community Center. She has been retired
from the human services field for 20 years. Since her retirement, her major
activities have included tennis, camping, traveling, teaching skiing as a
volunteer instructor with the National Sports Center for the Disabled, reading,
writing, and learning. Betsy came out as a lesbian after 25 years of marriage.
She has a close relationship with her three children and four grandchildren.
Betsy says her greatest and most meaningful enjoyment comes from sharing her
life with her partner of 30 years, Gillian Edwards.
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Baths, by Betsy

Over the course of my lifetime there are very few public
baths I have visited; also, being a shower person there are darn few bathtubs I
have been in for that matter. 
First the public baths I have visited.
Ojo Caliente is the oldest natural mineral hot
springs health resort in the U.S. according to their web-site.  Located near Santa Fe, N.M., Ojo was regarded as a sacred place by
the native Americans who first settled in the area and utilized the healing
waters hundreds of years ago.  Ancient people
believed to be ancestors of today’s Tewa tribes built large pueblos and terraced gardens
overlooking the springs.  The site was
home to thousands of people at one time in ancient history.
In 1868 Antonio Joseph opened Ojo Caliente as the first natural health spa in the country.  Soon to follow was a sanitarium which became
well known throughout the country as a place where afflicted people could come
to be cured.
Of the many pools at the resort my favorite was the mud pool
where one is instructed to slather mud all over your body and bake in the sun
until well done. Toxins are thereby released from the pores of your skin and
you come away feeling cleansed and refreshed–that is, after rinsing the mud
off your body in the pool.  The whole
process takes up the better part of an afternoon.
Another public bath I have visited is in Alaska near
Fairbanks.  My son and his family live in
Fairbanks.  One summer when I was there
visiting them we decided to get in the car and drive the 60 miles to Chena Hot
Springs and spend the day there.  The
drive to the place was interesting but probably not unusual for Alaska.  We got on the Chena Hot Springs road and
drove N.E.the 60 miles through what seemed like wilderness.  The road ended at the resort.  That was it. 
No more road.  But then why would
there be more road.  There is basically
nothing beyond but hundreds of miles of interior Alaska.  The surrounding environment makes for a
beautiful setting to relax in the large hot springs rock lake.  Two hundred nights of the year one can watch
the northern lights while enjoying the waters. 
Chena is the most developed hot springs resort in Alaska and is famous
for its healing mineral waters and the beautiful Aurora Borealis displays.
I have been to the Hot Sulphur Springs spa 2 or 3 times.  This 140-year-old resort is located in Grand
County Colorado about a 30-minute drive from Winter Park.  The Ute Indians were the first inhabitants to
enjoy the hot springs and their healing powers. 
They were known to use the “magic waters” to bathe themselves, their dogs,
horses, children, and women in them, and in that order. 
Then came Mr. William Byers who recognized the economic
potential of the springs.  With the help
of the U.S. cavalry and the courts he acquired the land from the Utes somewhat
deviously.
The resort was renovated in 1997.  One thousand people attended the opening
ceremony including the Ute tribal spiritual leader who was forgiving in his
blessing of the waters.  The Utes are
welcome to use the springs once again, says the web site.
And finally there are the bathtubs I have known.
To my knowledge I have used only one bath tub in my lifetime
on a regular basis.  That was as a young
child.  Somewhere along the line I became
a shower person and remain so today. 
Could that possibly be because my experience with bath tubs mostly
included the cleaning of them.  I have no
memory of this, but apparently I was expected to scrub the tub after
bathing.  Showering is much easier.
©
21 Oct 2012 
About the Author 
Betsy has been active in the GLBT
community including PFLAG, the Denver Women’s Chorus, OLOC (Old Lesbians
Organizing for Change), and the GLBT Community Center. She has been retired
from the human services field for 20 years. Since her retirement, her major
activities have included tennis, camping, traveling, teaching skiing as a
volunteer instructor with the National Sports Center for the Disabled, reading,
writing, and learning. Betsy came out as a lesbian after 25 years of marriage.
She has a close relationship with her three children and four grandchildren.
Betsy says her greatest and most meaningful enjoyment comes from sharing her
life with her partner of 30 years, Gillian Edwards.
Posted on

Handy, by Betsy

I love my family and am proud of my heritage. However, the truth is that I come from a long line of unhandy men and women. I have no recollection of my grandfather, my father, my brother, my husband, my son, uncle, any male cousins, and likewise no females in my family ever fixing anything. They could handle a bad situation and maybe make it better, but never was there a soul in my family who could physically fix an object that was physically broken. They could fix things that were in their realm of expertise such as a human body in the case of my doctor husband and son. My husband and son are MD’s, my father was a businessman and expert in forestry, my grandfather was a businessman. One grandfather, my father’s father, possibly was a man who could be handy around the house. He was an engineer. The problem was that he was always off in some other part of the world building tunnels and bridges, never around the house.

Isn’t there always supposed to be a man around the house who can fix the plumbing, the squeaky door, the stuck window, the lawn mower that doesn’t start, the car that doesn’t start.

It was late in life that I decided maybe I could take on the role of Ms. fix-it. After all, if I failed, I could just say it’s in the DNA. At least I tried. But it turns out that I have been able to fix quite a few things. The key is in having the right tools and knowing what tools should be used for a particular job. I have lots of tools out in my garage—screw drivers, hammer, power drill, chisels, pliers, cutting devices of all sorts, etc. but these are only a percentage of the total number of household tools that actually exist.

One way I have learned something about fixing things is to find a hardware store where they actually give service other than taking your money. Once in the store to ensure the successful completion of a do-it-yourself repair be sure you can describe the problem to the hardware clerk, have the right measurements and sizes, or take the fixture or whatever with you. Find someone knowledgeable who can tell you what tools and parts are needed and how to do it. Often these guys are retired plumbers, carpenters, handymen or such and they are only too happy to demonstrate their knowledge and skill.

When I retired I took up cycling. I soon found myself training for a cross country trip. I learned very quickly at that time that it is a must to be able to fix whatever, change a flat tire, or put a chain back on track, or apply oil when needed, make adjustments when problems arise and you are in a remote place like the middle of the Mojave Desert.

The truth is I really enjoy fixing things. I feel quite creative when I succeed. Many years ago I took up furniture refinishing. I found it a very satisfying activity. Buying old furniture and putting it back together I find to be much more satisfying than assembling a new piece of furniture—the kind you buy on line and have delivered to your door by Fed-ex. Once you open the box (and you do need a special tool for that) you look at the myriad of parts, screw, fixtures that hold them together, scratch your head and decide you will be forced to look at the instructions.

A year ago or so driving by a house in our area we saw an old table at the curb not able to stand on its own, parts lying on the ground, covered in some awful kind of old black varnish and what looked like brown paint. A Tattered hand drawn sign hung crookedly saying “free, take me home. I once was beautiful.” It looked like it could be just the table we needed for our entry way. But it was in terrible condition. I said to Gill, “I can glue that table back together, refinish it, and we’ll love it!” I knew I could glue it because I had the right clamps left over from the old days. The clamps, unused, had moved with me many times over the years. I could now justify holding on to them for 2 decades. We did gather up the table and I did glue it together and refinish it and it is beautiful again—and useful. Very satisfying indeed!

I recently fixed some non-working, ancient door handles when I visited my daughter in Atlanta.

She and her partner had been keeping one door closed with duct tape for weeks—knowing I would be coming there for a visit soon. “Mom can fix it.”

Perhaps the women should have been the fix-it handy persons I could have emulated—but didn’t— as I was growing up. I say could have because the women of past generations did not engage in such activities. Maybe in the kitchen, but certainly not in the shop or the garage. Women were not supposed to get their hands dirty—not even in the garden. In addition to that women were not considered to be sufficiently strong or adept at such things as hammering, drilling, screwing, or working out mechanical puzzles.

Fortunately gender roles have become more relaxed since the late 20th century. My own ex husband was not at all rigid about gender roles. He thought nothing of cooking dinner while I chopped the wood for the fire. I know he was an exception. But why not share roles especially if you enjoy it and are good at it.

I’m not sure how young hetero couples are these days when dealing with gender roles. For those secure in their sexuality, probably they are relaxed and comfortable with sharing.

As for us couples in the gay and lesbian community, most of us probably more naturally fall into the roles we want and play the best. Or we do whatever is most expedient on a given day.

As for the DNA and any genetic disposition toward being handy in my family I can only conclude this is not a dominant gene. My daughters always have things they want me to fix when I visit. They always ask politely and know just the things I like to do and the limits of my ability. Also in their favor when they ask, they always add, “That is ONLY if you want to, Mom.” But they know I’m a sucker for it.

© 30 June 2015

About the Author

Betsy has been active in the GLBT community including PFLAG, the Denver women’s chorus, OLOC (Old Lesbians Organizing for Change). She has been retired from the Human Services field for about 15 years. Since her retirement, her major activities include tennis, camping, traveling, teaching skiing as a volunteer instructor with National Sports Center for the Disabled, and learning. Betsy came out as a lesbian after 25 years of marriage. She has a close relationship with her three children and enjoys spending time with her four grandchildren. Betsy says her greatest and most meaningful enjoyment comes from sharing her life with her partner of 25 years, Gillian Edwards.

Posted on

Anger, by Betsy

In my personal life there is
very little about which I feel anger. Oh there are the little irritations from
time to time, but when I take a good look inside I find I have very little
anger.  It could be that I have learned
that there is little–there is nothing really–to be gained from expressing
anger all the time or even once in a while. 
I find the expression of anger
directed at me personally very frightening. I really do not know how to deal
with it.  I guess maybe that is because I
am not used to seeing anger expressed.  I
do not recall either of my parents ever raising their voices or expressing
anger except in a rational way.  I, in
turn, learned to internalize my anger and not be expressive about it save to
talk to someone about it the next day in a calm way, of course.
It was only later in life that
I learned that feeling anger is one thing. Expressing it is another. Feeling
any emotion just IS.  We do not really
choose how we feel, do we?  Feeling angry
is no different from feeling happy in that it just IS. Most of us have probably
heard the words at some time in our childhood, “Don’t cry, don’t be mad.”
On the other hand have you
ever been told by an adult to not be happy or to not show joy.  Advise today seems to be much more sensible:
allow yourself to feel the feeling. Give yourself permission to feel
angry.  I think this is good advise. But
it should not end there.  It should be
followed with a word about the appropriate expression of one’s anger. 
It’s in
the same basket with being gay. “If you is, you is.” The behavior choice comes
with how you act on that state of being. 
The behavior choice comes with how you act on your anger. You can take
it out on a crowd of people with an Uzi or you can take some positive action to
try to change the situation, or do anything in between those two extremes.
One thing is for sure.  Anger is a powerful emotion.  Some people can carry it with them daily into
their lives from childhood to old age. Personally, I feel sorry for anyone who
lives this way.  What a waste of energy.
Anger does take a ton of energy.  And
then also, we have all seen someone who is already angry about something that
MIGHT, JUST MIGHT happen in the future. Also a waste.
Among my heroes are the many
people who have much to be angry about but can devote their lives to making
positive changes for the betterment of everyone, people who have historically
suffered abuse and are currently experiencing injustices that might certainly
generate unimaginable anger, yet they choose to take positive action sometimes
at great risk and try to make changes in the system.  Martin Luther King, Cesar Chavez, Rosa Parks
are some outstanding examples here, but there are hundreds of thousands less
known heroes who could go on that list.
 Another one of my heroes is Judy Shepherd,
mother of Matthew Shepherd, the young gay college student who was bullied to
death in Laramie, Wyoming several years ago. Matthew’s parents,Judy and her husband, first FORGAVE
the perpetrators of this heinous crime by asking the jury not to impose the
death penalty, and then (and I think because they were able to forgive) Judy
Shepherd became one of the nation’s most
effective advocates for gay rights.  I
have the greatest respect anyone in such a situation who knows the importance
of forgiveness and, does not carry the proverbial chip on the shoulder. 
 Unlike my personal life there is a lot of
dysfunction in our culture and our society today which does cause me to feel
anger.  The greed and ego-driven behavior
of some of our leaders makes me angry. 
Our gun culture makes me angry. 
Our war-driven politics and means of gaining and keeping power in the
world makes me angry. Inequality and voter suppression make me angry. Our
elected officials disregard and unwillingness to take care of our environment
for the sake of their own personal gain makes me angry. The so-called war on
women makes me angry. The list could go on and on.  However these are not the kind of issues that
generate immediate action.  These
problems are deeply embedded in our culture today and cannot be simply and
directly addressed except in the voting booth. For that reason I suspect a good
bit of frustration is mixed in with the anger.
But, as with personal issues,
I hope I can apply the teachings of my spiritual guru, Eckhart Tolle and not
waste energy on complaining and other 
fruitless mental activity.  Even
those small irritations need not be nurtured. 
Ideally I would choose to either take some positive action as an
expression of my forgiveness or express my personal point of view and take some
general action that would promote it.
© 9 June 2015 
About
the Author 

Betsy has been active in the
GLBT community including PFLAG, the Denver women’s chorus, OLOC (Old Lesbians
Organizing for Change).  She has been
retired from the Human Services field for about 15 years.  Since her retirement, her major activities
include tennis, camping, traveling, teaching skiing as a volunteer instructor
with National Sports Center for the Disabled, and learning.  Betsy came out as a lesbian after 25 years of
marriage. She has a close relationship with her three children and enjoys
spending time with her four grandchildren. 
Betsy says her greatest and most meaningful enjoyment comes from sharing
her life with her partner of 25 years, Gillian Edwards. 
Posted on

Artistic, by Betsy

As
a youngster in school or Girl Scout meetings, arts and crafts was always one of
my favorite activities.   I am very
grateful for the time spent making things because I still enjoy making things.
So when I started thinking about today’s topic, I naturally pondered the
question what is the difference between an art and a craft. 
I
decided that art is a creation of the imagination, a craft is the result of
making something by hand which is a copy or an impression or a depiction of
something else. Further investigation reveals that the word craft comes from an
old English then German word originally meaning strength then later,
skill.  Skill is the key word here when
it comes to the word origin.  However,
the meaning for me is broader inasmuch as I have crafted many an item without
the application of an ounce of skill.  At
least so it would seem.
In
my dotage I have taken up the craft of counted cross stitch.  My friend Carlos has shown some beautiful
examples of his work.  The two main
skills required for this craft are patience and good eye sight.  Also being systematic about transferring the
pattern from a paper to the cloth is essential. 
Is
this art? Technically, in my opinion it is not. 
I may be creating a piece based on a painting or an artist’s rendition of an object or a
scene.  It is imagination that produces
the image upon which my craft is based. 
That’s
the work of art.  Designing the cross
stitch pattern and then stitching it is the craft.   Does it matter to me which it is called?
No.  Call it art, call it a craft, I really
don’t care. I enjoy doing it. Another of its assets is that it’s a great filler activity very useful
when watching sports on TV, when waiting for commercials to end, or when
watching something entertaining which doesn’t require a lot of concentration
(which is most of television, by the way.) 
Other times when it is a useful activity are when waiting or when one
can’t sleep. 
A
few years ago in our travels to the National Parks, I noticed in the gift
shops, cross-stitch kits of scenes from whatever park we were visiting.  So I bought that first kit that I found, and
have been buying them and completing them since.  So far I have Monument Valley, Zion NP, Rocky
Mountain NP, and I am currently working on Arches NP.  I think it will be another year or maybe two
before I finish Arches as it is quite large; that is, if I work on it
regularly.
 My last visit to a National Park was about a
month ago when we spent a day at Denali NP in Alaska, home of Mt. McKinley now
called Mt. Denali. I found no craft kits in their gift shop, but later in
Anchorage I came upon a craft shop that had cross-stitch patterns for typical
Alaskan flowers and animals. As a result of going into that shop I have now, I
think, four or five cross-stitch projects waiting to be started.  Considering that some projects can take two,
three, or even four years to complete, I realize I better get on with it.  So many projects, so little time.
By
the way, I also knit baby blankets, so if any of you are expecting to be
expecting in the near future, let me know early on (before you are showing) so
I can get started on a baby blanket.
Ahh!
So many projects, so little time.
  

©
8 Sep 2014 

About the Author  

Betsy has been active in the
GLBT community including PFLAG, the Denver women’s chorus, OLOC (Old Lesbians
Organizing for Change).  She has been
retired from the Human Services field for about 15 years.  Since her retirement, her major activities
include tennis, camping, traveling, teaching skiing as a volunteer instructor
with National Sports Center for the Disabled, and learning.  Betsy came out as a lesbian after 25 years of
marriage. She has a close relationship with her three children and enjoys
spending time with her four grandchildren. 
Betsy says her greatest and most meaningful enjoyment comes from sharing
her life with her partner of 25 years, Gillian Edwards.
Posted on

In the Zone, by Betsy

As one member of this group has mentioned, Mozart may be an exception to the statement “any writing is experimental.” True, Mozart was writing music not words. But there is no reason that the statement which is today’s topic cannot apply to the writing of music as well as the writing of words. Mr. Mozart is said to have been divinely inspired never having to go back over his work to correct or improve it. His writing was perfect the first try. Some might say he was continually “in the zone” at least when he was writing music.

It’s hard for me to relate to always being in the zone when I am writing. Although, I must say, some writings have come a lot easier to me than others. On occasion, depending on the topic and/or depending on my state of consciousness, I have felt myself “in the zone” as I was writing. Mostly, it is the experiences I have had that have given me awareness or knowledge which make it possible to be there. Being in the zone could be equated with being mindful—a state of complete awareness. Also a requirement for being in the zone when writing might be an element of passion for the subject and a clarity of one’s feelings about it.

I best relate to being in the zone when I am immersed in a sports activity. Some days—though they may be rare—it’s as if you can’t make a mistake in a tennis game. Or the body flows particularly easily, gently and rhythmically through the moguls on the ski slope. Those days might be rare, but we remember them—at least I do. Probably the sun is shining as well on that day, and there is little or no wind and the temperature is just right for perfect conditions.

I can recall also being in the zone in a beautiful spot surrounded by nature—feeling part of nature or one with one’s natural surroundings. Being in the zone and being completely immersed in the moment, I believe, are one and the same thing.

As for being an experiment, I’m quite sure writing falls into that category. I often set out to write about something related to the topic of the day and I find I am completely surprised at the outcome of that writing. The piece may take a totally different tack than what I had first intended.

This can apply to other art forms as well. I have attempted to draw or paint an object, a landscape, a tree or what have you. In this case I know when I start out that it is an experiment.

I have no idea how the project will turn out. I suppose that’s because I have very little experience in creating visual arts, and almost no confidence. Yet I find that to draw a tree or paint, even try to copy an object or a landscape is an adventure, and most certainly an experiment. I start out with no idea where the effort will take me, how I will feel about it, or what the outcome will be—other than either boosting my confidence or totally obliterating what little bit I had to start with.

The fact is that most active things we do—that is active vs. passive—most things we do are an experiment. Even everyday activities. That is, if we define an experiment as a course of action taken and followed without knowing the outcome. Cooking certainly can fall into that category—at least MY cooking does. Even the laundry, shopping, etc. What the heck, which outcomes CAN I be sure of. Even when I sit down to watch television who knows, (I certainly don’t)—who knows how long I will be awake.

© 24 July 2015

About the Author

Betsy has been active in the GLBT community including PFLAG, the Denver women’s chorus, OLOC (Old Lesbians Organizing for Change). She has been retired from the Human Services field for about 15 years. Since her retirement, her major activities include tennis, camping, traveling, teaching skiing as a volunteer instructor with National Sports Center for the Disabled, and learning. Betsy came out as a lesbian after 25 years of marriage. She has a close relationship with her three children and enjoys spending time with her four grandchildren. Betsy says her greatest and most meaningful enjoyment comes from sharing her life with her partner of 25 years, Gillian Edwards.

Posted on

Clear as Mud, by Betsy and Gillian

(Betsy)

This past summer while strolling through downtown Denver with some visiting relatives, we came upon a sign that read,

RESTROOMS ARE LOCKED

TO PROVIDE CLEAN FACILITIES

FOR OUR CUSTOMERS.

The sign caught our attention especially because we had been searching for a restroom for quite some time and were more than ready to find one. “If they are locked how do we get in?” the three of us said almost in unison. The sign was not posted on the door of any particular store, rather on a door from a walkway into a hall leading to nowhere except the two restrooms. We were not customers then, but neither was anyone else. The walkway belonged to the entire pavilion which housed many stores. “Do we have to buy something to get a key from one of the stores?” I queried to myself. How long will that take. There are no stores immediately handy.

Fortunately in a most timely fashion, a woman came out of the walkway door and informed us that she had been given the secret code to open the restroom by the previous user and she would gladly pass it on to us. It turns out that we did the same for the next person in need. It seems the only way for this restroom to be used at all is to have a constant stream of users passing on the code. Otherwise the facilities would most surely stay clean forever. A good way to keep your facility clean: lock it.

One day while driving on I 70 through eastern Colorado on our recent trip to the east coast, my mind was wandering as it does on such roads. I began thinking about the next topic we would be writing about when we returned at the end of the month. MUD, hmmm. The phrase “clear as mud” jumped into my head and reminded me of the puzzling sign I had recently seen on the door at the pavilion in downtown Denver.

It was then that Gill and I decided to make a collection of such signs on this trip.Gill would take photos of them, otherwise no one would believe we had actually seen such a sign. We would then pass on these gems of wisdom to our friends at Storytime.

(Gillian)

On one of those narrow winding backroads that are quite common in the eastern states, we got stuck behind a slow-moving truck. On the back of the truck a big red sign said,

CONSTRUCTION VEHICLE

DO NOT FOLLOW

Now, it’s not as if we were following from choice. We were simply heading down the same road without a chance to overtake. What is expected here?? Are we supposed to find an alternate route to avoid following this truck? Not so easily done in the mountains of West Virginia. Was he heading for a top-secret destination?? We’re probably on yet another CIA/FBI shit-list now.

(Betsy) 

Sometimes if we have time and we are in an area with which we are not familiar, we like to travel the back roads. It does mean a lot of stop and go, especially in the more populated parts of the country. But it presents so many opportunities to learn—and laugh.

We’ve driven through many, many small towns with very unusual names.

We had to turn around a get a picture of this one.


WELCOME TO ACCIDENT

I forget in what state the town of Accident is—it doesn’t really matter. What makes this sign memorable is the sign just beyond it directing passersby to the nearby hospital with an arrow (unfortunately we were unable to photograph the two signs together.)

Welcome to Accident—the hospital is right around the corner, it said to us. I wanted to add “for your convenience.”

(Gillian) 

At a gas station a sign in the window read,

BE A GOOD ROLE MODEL!

DISAPPROVE OF UNDERAGE DRINKING

An admirable sentiment, doubtless, but surely a little wimpy? Nobody, including all those underage drinkers, gives a toss if I disapprove. The word has no power; my disapproval has no power. Perhaps I might accomplish something by fighting underage drinking, or by not drinking with minors, or by not buying booze for them, but disapprove?? I think it is actually the first time in my life that I have been urged to disapprove of something. Ah, lots of ‘firsts’ to be found on road-trips!

(Betsy) 

What this negative message says to me is: My advise to you adults driving cars(hopefully sober) and reading this sign is as follows: model for young people how to judge others—never mind taking positive action to suggest a better behavior.

(Gillian) 

Next to this gas station was a big sign,

Arby’s

DO NOT ENTER

Of course there are these signs at the exit of all drive-throughs, but this one was big and quite threatening. Well, OK then. We had never intended to enter. We drove happily away.

(Betsy) We don’t use Arby’s really, but couldn’t help but notice the unwelcoming sign. I guess we all know what they really mean, but couldn’t they come up with a better presentation. They certainly know how to present their food—if one dares to enter.

(Gillian) 

This one is not exactly about a sign, but rather a tale of two billboards. One was positioned directly above the other. I have no photo as we zoomed past at 75mph. The upper one had the usual pitiful baby picture accompanied by the statement,
ABORTION is MURDER

NOBODY HAS THE RIGHT TO TAKE A LIFE

The lower one had a picture of a man bearing arms; and was he ever! Six-shooters in a gun-belt, cartridges slung across his manly chest, rifles over his shoulders, machine-guns at his feet. It read, simply,

IT’S YOUR RIGHT

I have no idea if the two signs were put together on purpose, but the irony is delicious.

(Betsy) 

The last day of our trip and back in our home state we were not disappointed by Colorado road signs. No one can miss the huge sign on I 70 entering Colorado. It is written in lights across the highway like a Broadway marquee.

0 FATALITIES 0 TOLERANCE 2015

Clearly because of its in-your-face presentation, this is a very important notice announcing, “ Please, all those entering the state, take heed.” We did just that. We did take heed and we definitely took note of the sign. I am still contemplating its meaning, however! Have there been no fatalities at all in 2015 in Colorado. No wonder the population is increasing at record rates. And it will continue to do so. This clearly is 

THE PLACE TO BE
—a place where one dies only of natural causes.

But then we must remember there is zero tolerance here. Does this mean all entering are on notice that the state of Colorado 

WILL NOT TOLERATE THE CURRENT RATE OF ZERO FATALITIES?
Surely that can’t be what they meant.

Maybe it means: the state of Colorado has zero tolerance for any fatalities. But when you put the phrase zero tolerance directly below the phrase zero fatalities??? I’m left scratching my head. Now if you put the sign “0 Tolerance” by itself, then one might be deterred from entering the state.

(Gillian) 

According to Colorado Department of Transportation’s own statistics, as of October 1st of this year there have been 398 highway fatalities, so the meaning of this sign completely eludes me. Apparently staying here in this state of zero tolerance will not preserve us from danger. We might as well keep on taking road trips!

© October 2015

About the Authors

Betsy has been active in the GLBT community including PFLAG, the Denver women’s chorus, OLOC (Old Lesbians Organizing for Change). She has been retired from the Human Services field for about 15 years. Since her retirement, her major activities include tennis, camping, traveling, teaching skiing as a volunteer instructor with National Sports Center for the Disabled, and learning. Betsy came out as a lesbian after 25 years of marriage. She has a close relationship with her three children and enjoys spending time with her four grandchildren. Betsy says her greatest and most meaningful enjoyment comes from sharing her life with her partner of 25 years, Gillian Edwards.

I was born and raised in England. After graduation from college there, I moved to the U.S. and, having discovered Colorado, never left. I have lived in the Denver-Boulder area since 1965, working for 30 years at IBM. I married, raised four stepchildren, then got divorced after finally, in my forties, accepting myself as a lesbian. I have now been with my wonderful partner Betsy for 25 years.

Posted on

Doors, by Betsy

Ten years ago I was on the trip of a lifetime. This was not
my dream trip. That is, it was not a trip I had dreamed of going on all my
life. As I was approaching retirement several years earlier, I had dreamed of
hiking the Colorado Trail. After all, I had helped build the trail as a
volunteer on a couple of occasions when I had vacation time from work or a long
weekend. Unfortunately I never could realize the trek of my dreams because of a
condition in my spine which was causing pain when I was on my feet for long
periods of time. The Colorado Trail Trek door was closed.
So one day I decided instead to take a cycling trip. The “Bike
Trip Directors” website opened that door. It lead me to a group called Woman
tours. Perfect, I thought.  The door to
cycling had opened when I started participating in the MS 150 fund raising
event years earlier. Now I wanted a trip that would take me to other places and
for a longer stretch of time. Woman tours offered trips all over the U.S. and
some in Europe and Asia. A simple trip in the U.S. was what I was looking for.
This would open the door to something even bigger in the future maybe. 
So I laid the information and the maps out on the living
room floor and called to my partner Gill to take a look with me. “Oh this
week-long trip in the Mississippi Valley looks good. Or how ‘bout this one: 10
days on the Maryland coast, or the California coast.” So much to choose from.
Gill is just shaking her head. “Look at this. Pacific to Atlantic two months
across the southern tier of the U.S.”  “Well,
yeah,” said I. “But I’m
not ready for that. I need to take shorter trips first.”  Sometimes it takes someone who knows you very
well–a loved one–to bring you down to Earth–to reality.  Her words were so true: “My Darling, you will
be 70 years old this year. I think you need to do this cross-country trip NOW.”
The door thus opened to my trip of a lifetime, pedaling
from San Diego, California to St. Augustine, Florida.  Sixteen women over 55 cycling for 58 days
through 7 states averaging 70 miles per day. We would have one day off per week
for rest and laundry. Pay up front and your food and lodging is covered for the
entire trip except for days off.
Our group of cyclists from this adventure has had a reunion
every year except for one. This year we will celebrate our tenth anniversary in
September near Cape Cod. Our friendships have grown over the years. The cycling
trip opened the door to many more cycling trips as well as the friendships
created on that trip.  Happily Gill is included
in the group even though she did not cycle. When I chose to do this trip, she
told me she would drop me off in San Diego and pick me up in St. Augustine. I
should have known. There was no way she was going to miss out.  Drop me off and then drive home. No way! She
never intended to do that. She followed us in the van and gave unofficial SAG
support the entire way. Oh, she would disappear for a day or two on a side trip
to some interesting site. But she always showed up again especially when needed;
such as, the day we ran out of water and could find no source nor was there any
sign of Bo-Peep, our official SAG. Or the day we were freezing cold from the
rain.
I have just recently completed transcribing my journal from
this trip which I dictated at the end of each day of riding. Here is a short
excerpt from 10 years ago almost to the day.
May10 Live Oak to High
Springs, Fla. Day 55

Last night we were in
Live Oak and I didn’t get a chance to record. We had a 100 mile ride yesterday
and it was quite amazing. I really didn’t feel very tired from it. It was a
beautiful ride. We have had lovely rides in Florida and we have been lucky in
that we haven’t
had much rain. Today we had one of the best rides of all.  We stopped about 20 miles outside of the town
of High Springs at High Springs State Park. We went into the park to one of the
springs and all went swimming. Great fun! It was a welcome break. It was only a
58 mile ride so we had plenty of time to enjoy the cool water.
We are at the Cadillac–a
50’s motel. Gill has
been quite active with the group the last few days sagging and helping the Kiwi’s with their filming. She’s enjoying that a great deal except she
will be camping in the parking lot again tonight.
I can sense some strong
feelings among the group about the tour coming to an end. Since there are just
two days left.  Etc.
May 13 St. Augustine Day
58
Yesterday was our
triumphal entry into St. Augustine. We met at the fire station after an easy
ride from Palatka. We were escorted by two police cars and a motor cycle,
sirens blaring. We dunked our tires into the Atlantic, true to tradition, then
we all ran gleefully into the surf holding hands and screaming making quite a
spectacle of ourselves. We played in the water and hung out on the beach for a
while. Some family and friends were there with flowers and greetings of all
kinds and it was a grand celebration.
I was quite emotional as
we rode ceremoniously into St. Augustine. It was an honor to be leading the
group along with Mary and Glenna as the oldest members. I was quite proud to be
one of the six who pedaled every mile with no sagging. A lot of that is luck.
 A group picnic followed by teary goodbye’s ended the day. Many would be on their
way home before breakfast tomorrow. Gill and I decided to stay for a couple
more days.
I am having trouble
focusing today since I am so used to focusing on push my pedals every day. I’m sure I will adjust to normal life
quickly.
The fact that we have
just pedaled across the country 3165 miles has not yet fully registered in my
head. I expect it will sink in at some point or maybe not. It’s a bit overwhelming. No question about it
. It was the trip of a lifetime and a most extraordinary experience with a most
extraordinary group of people.
There is no doubt in my mind. A door was closed to me when
I developed a condition in my spine. But, I believe when one door closes
another one opens up. When the hiking door closed the biking door opened. That’s why I love revolving doors.
©  27 May 2015 
About
the Author 
Betsy has been active in the
GLBT community including PFLAG, the Denver women’s chorus, OLOC (Old Lesbians
Organizing for Change).  She has been
retired from the Human Services field for about 15 years.  Since her retirement, her major activities
include tennis, camping, traveling, teaching skiing as a volunteer instructor
with National Sports Center for the Disabled, and learning.  Betsy came out as a lesbian after 25 years of
marriage. She has a close relationship with her three children and enjoys spending
time with her four grandchildren.  Betsy
says her greatest and most meaningful enjoyment comes from sharing her life
with her partner of 25 years, Gillian Edwards.
Posted on

Details, by Betsy

It takes all kinds to make the
world go ’round. Some come up with the grand schemes and ideas.  Others must find a way to work out the
details and put the schemes and ideas into practice. The devil is in the
details.
Consider the recent election campaign
and what is going on in Washington today. 
The ideas were put out there, affirmed by the people, but now, no one
seems to be able to work out the details to put those ideas into practice.
Clearly differing political ideologies is the reason the details cannot be
worked out, but there is a middle ground to which some are unwilling to travel
unfortunately.
The details end up being more
important than the grand idea.  The
Republicans are proposing to avoid the fiscal cliff and raising government revenues
by closing current tax loopholes. However, they are unwilling to reveal exactly
which loopholes should be closed.  So
they expect the Democratic administration and Democratic Congress members to
accept such a plan which either has no details written in it or those details
are being kept secret?  That, of course,
will never be acceptable.  The details
make all the difference between an economic policy which is good for the country
versus a policy which would be devastating.
Take climate change also, for
example. There are very few people who do not realize or will not admit that
human activity is influencing the warming of our planet.  Many people including some world leaders
propose that just cutting back on the burning of fossil fuels would and should
be a priority, but that idea is not being implemented.  Why? 
The details.  Just how do we cut
back on burning fossil fuels. Where do we start?  It can be done, but no one can work out the
details to the satisfaction and acceptance of all.
The problem is that when the
details are spelled out, it becomes clear that everyone will have to give a
little, bend a bit, be flexible–some more than others.  So it is with tax reform as well.  Is it not better to sacrifice one or two of
the details for the good of the whole? 
After all, if the whole, that is, the planet or one’s source of livelihood whether it be Social
Security, pension, the stock market, bank and corporate profits–if the planet
becomes uninhabitable by humans or the global economy collapses, details become
meaningless.
© 10 Dec 2012 
About
the Author 

 Betsy has been active in the
GLBT community including PFLAG, the Denver women’s chorus, OLOC (Old Lesbians
Organizing for Change).  She has been
retired from the Human Services field for about 15 years.  Since her retirement, her major activities
include tennis, camping, traveling, teaching skiing as a volunteer instructor
with National Sports Center for the Disabled, and learning.  Betsy came out as a lesbian after 25 years of
marriage. She has a close relationship with her three children and enjoys spending
time with her four grandchildren.  Betsy
says her greatest and most meaningful enjoyment comes from sharing her life
with her partner of 25 years, Gillian Edwards.