Tag: Betsy

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First Encounters of a Pornographic Kind by Betsy

As with any subject in
the world, the internet has everything and nothing to say about pornography, I
discovered as I was searching for some statistical information.   I can say “nothing” because of constantly
encountering the statement that statistics on porn change daily and are
basically meaningless because the numbers are impossible to gather.
 However, while reading through a particular
page of information a few statements  got
my attention; notably, every second that ticks by over $3,000 is spent on
pornography.  Mind boggling!  And this: the porn industry as a whole in one
year takes in larger revenues than Microsoft, Google, Amazon, e-bay, Yahoo,
Apple and Netflix combined.  Even more
mind-boggling!
Consumption of
pornography as an addiction is very prevalent, I learned. But, then, that keeps
the industry flourishing–even in hard times.  After reading on a bit further, I still really
had next to nothing to write about pornography.
“I know, I’ll look up
information on porn history,” I said to myself.
Upon turning to a page on that subject, my eyes
could not help but be drawn to  an
ancient picture depicting a “Priapus figure from Pompeii.”  The poor guy was shown standing there with a
frontal encumbrance which would be enough to weigh down the strongest of
men.  What “jumped out at me” so to speak
is the caption below the picture: In ancient Rome large phali were considered
undesirable for men to possess, it said, and often were depicted as such for
comic effect.  Really!!  Undesirable! 
I don’t believe it for a minute.  
But then, what do I know? 
And then there is our
Puritan culture.  Which reminds me of my
loving Great Aunt Anne.   She was an
adorable woman.  As I watched her age she
became smaller and smaller until in her 80’s she definitely qualified as a
“little old lady.”  This of course made
her even more adorable.  She and my Uncle
occasionally took road trips to visit various family members.  They would stay in small motels when their
journey required an overnight stay.  They
were tight-fisted and they always looked for the small town, family owned motel
off the beaten path. This was in the 1960’s when such places existed.
On one of her visits to
my house she seemed slightly off center, not really upset, but not quite
herself.  Something was on her mind.  So I asked her about herself.  Was she sure she was all right?  With a very embarrassed look about her and
turning her head to check who else might hear what she was about to say, she
revealed that the night before in their motel room, she had had her first
encounter with pornography.  She
inadvertently had discovered under their bed piles of magazines–probably 50
magazines.  Being curious to read one of
them, she described herself picking one up, opening it, and immediately
releasing it to the floor and kicking it back to its place under the bed.  Inside, whispered Aunt Anne, were pictures
depicting “oh the worst pornography you can imagine.  Pictures leaving nothing to the imagination,
scenes–well, I could not even look at the pictures!” 
 Although this story took place a very long
time ago, my vision of this little old lady and her first encounter with
pornography will stick in my mind forever. 
And truly to this day when the subject of pornography comes up my Aunt
Anne is the first thing that comes to mind.

© October 2011 

About the Author  
Betsy has been active in the
GLBT community including PFLAG, the Denver women’s chorus, OLOC (Old Lesbians
Organizing for Change).  She has been
retired from the Human Services field for about 15 years.  Since her retirement, her major activities
include tennis, camping, traveling, teaching skiing as a volunteer instructor
with National Sports Center for the Disabled, and learning.  Betsy came out as a lesbian after 25 years of
marriage. She has a close relationship with her three children and enjoys
spending time with her four grandchildren. 
Betsy says her greatest and most meaningful enjoyment comes from sharing
her life with her partner of 25 years, Gillian Edwards.
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Acting by Betsy

“ALL THE WORLD’S A STAGE 

AND ALL THE MEN AND WOMEN 
MERELY PLAYERS.”

One interpretation of this quotation from As You Like It by William Shakespeare, albeit taken out of the context of the play itself, is that the only difference between acting on stage and life itself is that on the stage an actor plays many different roles attempting to portray another individual, other than himself, and this is a professional endeavor. In life we play many different roles expressing who we ourselves are–not who someone else is.

One can be many things at one time or the roles can change. Daughter, son, sister, bother, wife, husband, mother, father, executive, homemaker, social butterfly, recluse, quiet, boisterous, studious etc, etc. Most of us do act according to the role that has been assigned to us and/or the role that we choose. The roles for us early in life are written largely by our culture and the environment which molds us.

As adults other circumstances have an impact on how we play our roles. For example, one can find himself in a particular profession or job in which he/she is expected to drive a certain car, wear certain clothes–necktie, high heels. In this case often the individual must act the part if he wants to be successful and accepted in his profession or to keep his job.

Hopefully most of us act our roles honestly and with integrity; that is, we are acting but at the same time being true to ourselves. Most of us in the GLBT community know quite a bit about acting. As for me, once I convinced myself that I had done nothing wrong and that I simply wanted to act the person that I am–that is, that I wanted to be honest and live with integrity–once I understood that, it was not difficult to play the role. What’s more it felt oh so good and so easy and natural. Instead of acting the part of the person I was not.

New meaning is given to the word “acting” when we apply the connotation of “taking action.” There’s “pro-acting and re-acting.” Again, those of us in the LGBT community are very familiar with the concept of taking action when we decided to be true to ourselves in our lifestyles. This is not always easy to do and often takes a great deal of courage.

In general I think most of us are reactive most of the time. Proaction comes when things are not going so well. Hopefully proaction is taken based on the correct information. When the word on the street is that everything is just fine when it really isn’t, one must determine how things really are. Then take action.

© 19 March 2012

About the Author

Betsy has been active in the GLBT community including PFLAG, the Denver women’s chorus, OLOC (Old Lesbians Organizing for Change). She has been retired from the Human Services field for about 15 years. Since her retirement, her major activities include tennis, camping, traveling, teaching skiing as a volunteer instructor with National Sports Center for the Disabled, and learning. Betsy came out as a lesbian after 25 years of marriage. She has a close relationship with her three children and enjoys spending time with her four grandchildren. Betsy says her greatest and most meaningful enjoyment comes from sharing her life with her partner of 25 years, Gillian Edwards.

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When Things Don’t Work by Betsy

When things don’t work, I try to figure out why. Then, I figure out if I can 1) fix it and make it work, 2) decide it’s unfixable and throw it out, 3) determine that it’s fixable, but not by me, so take it to an expert, or 4) in the case of electronic devices, sit and stare at it and hope it will magically fix itself.

In the old days this type of problem was much simpler. If I had a mouse trap that didn’t work, for example, I could look at it and see why it didn’t work: a wire is bent, the cheese was not put in there securely enough, the mouse is too smart for this particular design of trap. One could clearly see what the problem was. The solution that followed was also clear: bait it more securely, use a different type of trap, or get out the pliers, screw drivers, hammer, wire cutters, whatever tool was called for, make the adjustments until the thing works. The point is that it was all so clear and right there in front of your eyes to see.

That was in the old days. We gradually then started building better mouse traps–electronic ones, battery operated, factory sealed ones, or devices that have so many bells and whistles that the basic operation of it is hidden and its fundamental purpose is virtually forgotten.

Take any electronic device. Almost everyone now not only owns a computer or a telephone, ipad, ipod, blackberry, blueberry, or blue tooth, but we have all come to depend on our electronic devices. I am ashamed to say that if my computer stopped working, I would be lost and so would a ton of information that I need from day to day. Unlike the old days, in this case I don’t ever try to figure out why it’s not working. If I can’t read on the screen the magic message sent to me by…whoever sends those messages, the message that tells me why it’s not working and what to do about it–if I can’t read it on the screen, I’m lost. Fortunately this hasn’t happened to me yet. But I can see how easily it occurs. I’ve seen my spouse spill coffee on her lap top computer. Result: life as we know it comes to a screeching halt. The next two weeks of her life (and a bit of mine, too) was devoted to getting the thing fixed by one of those computer geeks. Life returned to normal when it was finally fixed.

Now, modern battery operated devices can also be a source of frustration when they don’t work. These are the rechargeable tools that we once worked by hand. For example the electric toothbrush. Things like this are always factory sealed, the innards are not to be touched by human hands–ever, under any circumstances. Don’t even THINK about fixing it. Throw it out, get a new one. Don’t fight it. It’s a waste of energy. Trust me, you’ll lose the battle. Oh well, at least in the case of toothbrushes one can always go back to the old fashioned type. They ARE still out there.

Brilliant scientists and mathematicians are warning that we humans are in danger of losing control. The electronic brains that we are building could progress beyond our present capabilities and take over our lives. I find it hard to imagine that happening, or what that would be like, but the warning is clear and must be taken seriously.

Now here’s something that doesn’t work, but that IS fixable. Our government–ours is not the only one on the planet that doesn’t work, but it’s the one I know best and the one that I live with. Actually stacked up against most other governments in the world ours is better than most. Lately ’though, we’ve heard a lot about our broken government. In my opinion it’s not really the government per se, it’s not the system that’s broken. It’s the implementation of the system that is faulty. The flaws as I see it stem from human failings and frailties such as greed, selfishness, and a need to protect the ego causing lack of foresight, lack of compassion for others, denial, an inability and unwillingness to look inside, into the soul, where the source of the problem exists. It is not just some of our representatives in the government who are flawed. It is some of us who vote as well as and those who do not vote, those who speak out as well as those who put their heads in the sand. We are a failing if not failed species. Maybe that’s where we can start trying to fix it: admitting humbly that we are failing in many ways but that there is a fix. And I don’t mean going to war to prove that our fix is the best one or the only one.

Our technology advances by leaps and bounds every day. Devices purported to make our lives richer, healthier and happier abound. These advances are driven by the endless imagination of the human mind and spirit, and spurred on by a market economy. I would like to think that the same advances could be made in the area of human caring for one another, and caring for our mother earth. A little foresight is in order–an ability to look beyond the immediate future–to look at the consequences of our behavior for the next several centuries, not just the next election and the consequences of our exploitation of natural resources.

At election time we often see some of our leaders in the government thrown out in favor of new ones–as if it were a worn out tool or device that doesn’t work anymore. In my opinion we often are too hasty in throwing out well honed skills and the wisdom that comes with experience when we do that.

I dread to think that there may be a day when it turns out that humans are not fixable and must be thrown out. I much prefer to think that the human condition is fixable, that the basic goodness intrinsic in all humans is not factory sealed within its individual and collective containers; that that essential goodness can always be directed toward each other and toward caring for the planet.

© 8 December 2014

About the Author

Betsy has been active in the GLBT community including PFLAG, the Denver women’s chorus, OLOC (Old Lesbians Organizing for Change). She has been retired from the Human Services field for about 15 years. Since her retirement, her major activities include tennis, camping, traveling, teaching skiing as a volunteer instructor with National Sports Center for the Disabled, and learning. Betsy came out as a lesbian after 25 years of marriage. She has a close relationship with her three children and enjoys spending time with her four grandchildren. Betsy says her greatest and most meaningful enjoyment comes from sharing her life with her partner of 25 years, Gillian Edwards.

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Mother Goose (and Writing My Story) by Betsy

“Let’s see…. Mother goose. What can I possibly write about an old woman who flies through the air atop a goose,” I mused. “Or about the Mother Goose rhymes, for that matter.” Jack Spratt could eat no fat, his wife could eat no lean. I know there is a hidden political statement there, but, do I really want to research that?”

“Well, Mother Goose and I have one thing in common. We’re both mothers. Further research is required here. Besides, I want to write about writing my story. Maybe I can combine the two subjects,” I speculate.

Facts about the Canada Goose: The species mates for life. Well, we don’t have that in common. Although I am monogamous, and faithful to my mate.

Many Canada Geese use the same nest each year and also build their nests in the same spot as their parent’s nest. My nests have moved around about every 15 years of my life and I have never nested anywhere near my parents nest.

Enough with the comparisons already. The Canada Goose is a very interesting creature. I read on.

Most people are familiar with the Canada goose. However there is great variation among them. There are 7 subspecies of the Greater Canada Goose in North America ranging in weight from 3 to 24 pounds. These waterfowl live for 10-25 years.

Mother-to-be goose (and father-designate) find each other at 2-3 years of age usually. It seems they find each other strictly for the purpose of breeding that very same season. No honeymoon. They go right at it. If one dies, a new mate will likely replace the deceased before long. Otherwise Canada Geese mate for life.

The nest is constructed of grass materials and feathers from mother goose’s breast. The eggs once laid are incubated for 28 days and hatched all at the same time. After being hatched the goslings are led away from the nest and cared for by both mother and father goose. The goslings have the protection of both their parents for 10-12 weeks after which time they are able to fly.

Mother Goose spends most of the day foraging for food which consists of grasses, roots, and leaves. That makes us both grazers–another point in common. She sticks pretty well to a vegetarian diet including lawn grass. A walk through the park attests to the amount of time spent consuming their food. One must carefully place one’s foot when walking through heavily goose-populated areas.

We have all witnessed the familiar V formation of the flying flock of geese. Why the formation? The V formation makes it easier to fly and facilitates communication among the flock. They migrate from the northern hemisphere in the late fall when the ground begins to freeze. These birds can travel more than 1000 miles per day on their journey to the Southern U.S. or Mexico. This puts my mileage to shame if you will permit me another comparison. The furthest I can go using my own muscle power is 100 miles in 1 day. That’s on a bicycle which allows me the aid of wheels and a drive chain. Even going that far in a car on interstate highways would be unthinkable for me even with two or three alternating drivers for that matter.

Canada Goose populations are expanding in urban areas attesting to the adaptability of the species. Well, I have been known to adapt to new environments–but not without complaint. But I do suspect that mother and father goose complain quite often. At least they sure look like it when they are hissing and honking.

So these are a few basic facts about goose behavior and habits. As for combining this subject with writing my story…I think that project must wait for another day and another topic. It turns out Mother Goose and I have very little in common.

© 12 May 2012

About the Author

Betsy has been active in the GLBT community including PFLAG, the Denver women’s chorus, OLOC (Old Lesbians Organizing for Change). She has been retired from the Human Services field for about 15 years. Since her retirement, her major activities include tennis, camping, traveling, teaching skiing as a volunteer instructor with National Sports Center for the Disabled, and learning. Betsy came out as a lesbian after 25 years of marriage. She has a close relationship with her three children and enjoys spending time with her four grandchildren. Betsy says her greatest and most meaningful enjoyment comes from sharing her life with her partner of 25 years, Gillian Edwards.

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Mushrooms by Betsy

In ancient Egypt it was
the food of royalty forbidden to the common man.  Food that is capable of producing super human
strength and mystical powers. These were some of the qualities that have been
attributed to mushrooms.  Although their
consumption dates back to ancient times mushrooms were not commercially
produced in the U.S. until the late 19th century. 
They are very
nutritious but are probably valued mostly for what they do not contain: low in
calories, no fat or cholesterol, no sodium, no sugar, and no gluten. (N0 fun)
Personally I dislike
mushroom soup, but I do use raw mushrooms. They are a good vehicle for getting
warm artichoke dip or some other yummy sour cream based dip to my mouth.  Someday I may try making mushroom soup.  It’s the canned kind that I dislike.  It’s something about the flavor. I hated
mushrooms as a child, but am quite fond of them as an adult; that is, when they
are sautéed in plenty of butter with onions. One of the best pizzas I ever ate
was called a wild mushroom pizza.
According to Wikipedia
there are 14,000 species of mushrooms. I have never tried to learn to identify
them and so have never gone hunting for edible varieties. Something tells me
not to eat the kind commonly known as toadstools.  Those are the ones that look like umbrellas
that crop up in my lawn. I have heard the horror stories of whole families
being wiped out after eating a meal containing poisonous mushrooms. Interesting
to me how one variety of a food can be a delicious, nutritious addition or accompaniment
to a meal, while another is a deadly poison. 
Technically I suppose those are different species, not different
varieties.
There are thousands of
mushroom recipes.  This one recently got
my attention.
BAKED MUSHROOMS CONTRA
COSTA
12
large white mushrooms
1
clove garlic, minced
4
T lemon juice
2
T minced onion
2
T olive oil
1
t black pepper
2
T minced parsley
2
– 4 T dry sherry
Wash mushrooms and
remove stems. Sprinkle lemon juice on each cap, and set in 9X13 baking dish.
Mince stems and sauté in olive oil.  In a
medium size bowl combine sautéed mushroom stems with remaining ingredients.
Spoon stuffing generously into each mushroom cap.  Cover and bake at 350 degrees for fifteen
minutes.  Serves three to four.
And there it is.  I do not have a lot to say about mushrooms.
© 12 September 2013
About the Author 
 Betsy has been active in the
GLBT community including PFLAG, the Denver women’s chorus, OLOC (Old Lesbians
Organizing for Change).  She has been
retired from the Human Services field for about 15 years.  Since her retirement, her major activities
include tennis, camping, traveling, teaching skiing as a volunteer instructor
with National Sports Center for the Disabled, and learning.  Betsy came out as a lesbian after 25 years of
marriage. She has a close relationship with her three children and enjoys
spending time with her four grandchildren. 
Betsy says her greatest and most meaningful enjoyment comes from sharing
her life with her partner of 25 years, Gillian Edwards.
Posted on

Passion by Betsy

Passion: an intense desire or
enthusiasm for something.
“Passion is energy, feel the  power that comes from focusing on what
excites you.” — Oprah Winfrey
I have a passion for a few things: First, for
certain people; namely, my loved ones—my partner, my children and g-children.
My second passion is for music;
namely, classical music of the baroque, classical , and romantic styles and a
little contemporary.  I am very limited
in my ability to perform music.  I do
like being a part of a choral group and have been doing this for much of my
life.  But listening is stirring and
inspiring and I usually never forget something I have heard that has touched my
soul.  I use my ipod  when exercising.  Nothing like a Schubert or Brahms quartet to
keep me moving and working hard on the stationary bicycle, elliptical or rowing
machine. I do mix in some fast-paced Abba for variety most of which I find very
energizing.  My music does excite me and
gives me energy. Often fellow exercisers ask me what I’m listening to.  When I tell them, they give me a very strange
look as if to say, “Don’t you know about rock? You poor thing.”
My greatest passion is for sports.
That is doing not watching. I am a less than mediocre spectator fan.   I don’t pay much attention to which teams
are winning or losing.  Occasionally, I’ll watch a tennis match on TV or even a football game.  But given the opportunity I would a thousand
times prefer to play, compete or do most any activity that requires physical action, motion, and either some
skill, or a desire for adventure.
My deepest passion?  I had to search my soul a bit for this.  Now in my later years, I have become aware
that I have a deep passion for the
truth.  Perhaps that is because earlier I
spent a good portion of my adult life living a lie.  After all, until I came out, that’s what I
was doing. Since we do not know the truth about most things from mundane items
that come to us through mainstream media, to metaphysical questions such as
what lies beyond this life—since we do not know the truth about these things, I
have become very conscientious about separating fact from belief.  Since this is all my brain is capable of at
this point, I leave it there.  
I would like to mention one last point
about passion in general.
As I was giving this subject further
consideration, I came to the conclusion that passion and obsession are very
closely related.  To illustrate: I DO NOT
have a passion for writing, which does not always come easily. But the use of
the English language and the application of its rules of grammar is near and
dear to my heart.  This goes back to my
high school days when my English teacher Miss Dunn who taught me for all three
years of high school English, exposed us to very little literature.  Mostly we studied grammar and a little
writing.  Most in the class thought the 3
years of grammar was rather boring, but I loved it.  I guess I have the kind of mind which loves
to analyze and that’s what we did.  We
analyzed sentences most of the time and learned rules of grammar and word
usage.  I, therefore was quite horrified
when I realized that I had made a glaring grammatical error in last week’s
writing and I actually read it using the wrong part of speech and didn’t even
notice.  The realization hit me in the
middle of the night—the night following our session here–as I lay in bed. I
thought,”Surely I didn’t write it that way.” 
So I jumped out of bed at 3:00Am and checked my paper.  Yes, I had written it that way and read it
that way.  Very upset with myself, I had
to wake Gill up and tell her.  “I can’t
believe I did that,” I said.  Later,
thinking about passion I decided I do believe I have a passion for properly
applying the  rules of  English grammar….Or is it a passion?  Some would call it an obsession.  So, where do we draw the line between passion
and obsession? I believe that passion is actually obsession when one says to
oneself, “I wish I could have let that go.” 
To put it another way.  When one
becomes dis-eased over what she THINKS she has a passion for. (Oops! Did anyone
notice that!  I just ended a sentence
with a preposition.)
© 24 Oct 2014
About the Author
Betsy has been active in the
GLBT community including PFLAG, the Denver women’s chorus, OLOC (Old Lesbians
Organizing for Change).  She has been
retired from the Human Services field for about 15 years.  Since her retirement, her major activities
include tennis, camping, traveling, teaching skiing as a volunteer instructor
with National Sports Center for the Disabled, and learning.  Betsy came out as a lesbian after 25 years of
marriage. She has a close relationship with her three children and enjoys
spending time with her four grandchildren. 
Betsy says her greatest and most meaningful enjoyment comes from sharing
her life with her partner of 25 years, Gillian Edwards.
Posted on

My Favorite Fantasy by Betsy

Contemplating this subject I find myself coming up with things I wish for — things I may be striving for. Then, I realize a wish is different from a fantasy. Wishing is imagining something that COULD happen, something likely or probable. Fantasizing is imagining something unlikely or improbable or impossible. That’s the dictionary’s definition. I’m going to throw in another qualification: A fantasy involves repeated imagining and something that you hope will just miraculously happen — not something toward which one slowly progresses.

There are many things I would wish for that I know will never happen — I guess that makes it a fantasy — such as, I would love to have an exceptional ability for mathematics or an exceptional talent for writing or a smidgeon of artistic ability. More than that I would love to be able to perform on a musical instrument, particularly the piano. Quite often I picture myself conducting a symphony orchestra. Mostly I dream of having an opera quality coloratura soprano voice or a powerful mezzo or alto voice and performing on the concert stage.

My fantasies at this phase of my life are different from fantasies I’ve had at other times in my life. When I first came out and before I came out, I fantasized some about sex — with a woman. Also just about being WITH a woman. I guess I would have to call this a wish by the above definition, since it turned out the reality of it happening was not impossible or even improbable.

At this stage of my life and now that I am at peace with my wishes I have to say that my favorite fantasy always involves the performance of music — as a singer, as a pianist, or as an orchestra conductor.

It seems my music fantasies are triggered when I am listening to some music or more often after I have heard some music.

Now conducting can be done anywhere, almost anytime. Sometimes if music is playing — in my head, on the car radio, or otherwise — I can’t help myself. My arms just start flying, waving in the air. I have to restrain myself when I get carried away when driving in traffic. Other drivers can mistake my gestures and think I’m flipping them off.

I have practiced conducting so much, I think I would really be good directing the Colorado Symphony Orchestra. And by the way,Marin agrees.

Back to my favorite fantasy — singing. I never sing out loud in my fantasy. That doesn’t work because out loud I can’t produce the desired sound. I always hear myself singing in my head — and I must say I sound beautiful.

Like this.

(play music)

Even in the shower.

The problem I have with reproducing Kiri Te Kanawa singing arias from the Marriage of Figaro is that I don’t have the words down. So more often I will hear myself singing like Leontyne Price.

(more music)

with easier words.

Most often I sing la, la ,la. But who cares. In my fantasy I’m the only one who can hear it.

© 11/14/13

About the Author

Betsy has been active in the GLBT community including PFLAG, the Denver women’s chorus, OLOC (Old Lesbians Organizing for Change). She has been retired from the Human Services field for about 15 years. Since her retirement, her major activities include tennis, camping, traveling, teaching skiing as a volunteer instructor with National Sports Center for the Disabled, and learning. Betsy came out as a lesbian after 25 years of marriage. She has a close relationship with her three children and enjoys spending time with her four grandchildren. Betsy says her greatest and most meaningful enjoyment comes from sharing her life with her partner of 25 years, Gillian Edwards.

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A Salute to PFLAG by Betsy

“I knew my son was gay. He didn’t want to tell me. I told him I loved him and nothing else mattered. He didn’t believe I was accepting, but I was.” These are the words of Jeanne Manford, cofounder of Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, the internationally known organization of allies of lesbians, gays, bisexuals, and transgendered.

The concept for the organization was born in 1972 when Jeanne Manford marched with her gay son Morty in New York’s Christopher Street Liberation Day March, the precursor to today’s Pride parade. She carried a sign which read “Parents of Gays Unite in Support for Our Children.” This brought on cheers yelling, crying and clapping and to Jeanne’s surprise many people came up to her during the march, shook hands, hugged her, begged her to talk to their parents. The requests continued after the parade with hundreds of telephone calls from gay and lesbian people wanting Jeanne to speak to their parents. It became clear to her that a support group was needed. Thus the first meeting was held in March 1973 in Greenwich Village. Twenty people attended.

Jeanne continued answering the calls and began traveling the country making appearances on radio and tv promoting the cause.

By 1979 many similar groups had sprung up around the country. By 1980 the first PFLAG National office was established in Los Angeles followed by the incorporation and granting of tax exempt status to the organization which now included some 20 groups. The headquarters was relocated to Denver in 1987 under President Elinor Lewallen, whom many of us knew well. PFLAG took off in the 1990’s and the national office employed an executive director and some staff and moved to Washington DC.

The administration of George H.W. Bush became the first to be directly supportive of gay rights when the then PFLAG president Paulette Goodman sent Barbara Bush a letter asking for her support. Her reply was “I firmly believe that we cannot tolerate discrimination against any individuals or groups in our country. Such treatment always brings with it pain and perpetuates intolerance.” Unbeknownst to some powers that be, the first lady’s comments were given to the press and caused a political maelstrom.

Today 40 years after it’s inception PFLAG has grown to a network of 350 chapters worldwide with more than 200,000 members. Perhaps one of the greatest services provided by PFLAG over the years has been the dissemination of information to educational institutions and communities of faith and the general public nationwide. This along with personal and group support for parents who sometimes are in tears and in shock and are trying to understand.

I became involved in PFLAG around 2003 when I learned that the Denver Chapter was meeting in my neighborhood. I decided to attend a meeting.

At the meeting I found many acquaintances, gays, lesbians, and straight.

The chair of the board was an old acquaintance from my married days–she had worked with my husband at CU medical school. I think she was surprised to see me there. Before I knew it I found myself on the board of directors of the Denver Chapter. There I remained for 7 years having held the office of president for 2 years until my tenure ended due to term limits.

I was glad to be active and committed to this organization. I believe that PFLAG, being an organization of allies, has been in the right place at the right time to help open people’s minds and bring about attitude and policy changes.

The credibility of parents who love their children just as they are and want to support them can be very powerful. I thought at first that I knew a good bit of what being both the parent of a lesbian and being a lesbian myself was about. But I quickly discovered at PFLAG that being a straight parent of a lesbian is very much a different thing. My eyes were opened when in a “coming out” support group meeting parents were talking about how difficult it is to come out to their friends and family. Some were having difficulty with this, fearing rejection by those closest to them, and had been closeted themselves for a long time. It had never occurred to me that these straight people had the same fear issues that their gay children did, and that they, like their gay and lesbian children had to summon up some courage to “come out” and reveal the secret of their son or daughter.

Our chapter’s major activities during my active years included

1. Speaking with school groups, students, staff, and parents to promote better understanding and acceptance of GLBT. Working with schools who have bullying issues to address. Providing support and education to parents and school personnel around transgender issues.

2. Speaking similarly with other community groups including churches.

3. Providing educational materials put out by the national office.

4. Providing an emergency “helpline” for parents or others in distress.

5. Providing a monthly support meeting with a trained facilitator for parents whose sons or daughters have just come out to them. The support meeting is followed by a program featuring a speaker or panel of speakers always bringing enlightenment to their audiences.

6. Advocating for marriage equality.

Will the support and advocacy of PFLAG be a continuing need in the future? I believe there will always be a need. The specific activities of the organization may change with the times. With more awareness, more children are coming out and often at a younger age than in past decades.

Although there has been increased acceptance and policy changes, there is still much misinformation and misunderstanding and hatred of homosexual people. The more recent emergence of awareness of transgender issues by itself presents huge challenges to families involved and to advocacy groups. In my opinion PFLAG will be in business for a long time.

Denver, 2014

About the Author

Betsy has been active in the GLBT community including PFLAG, the Denver women’s chorus, OLOC (Old Lesbians Organizing for Change). She has been retired from the Human Services field for about 15 years. Since her retirement, her major activities include tennis, camping, traveling, teaching skiing as a volunteer instructor with National Sports Center for the Disabled, and learning. Betsy came out as a lesbian after 25 years of marriage. She has a close relationship with her three children and enjoys spending time with her four grandchildren. Betsy says her greatest and most meaningful enjoyment comes from sharing her life with her partner of 25 years, Gillian Edwards.

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Music by Betsy

I do not have the words to describe how music touches my soul. So I will not try. Suffice it to say that often when I am uninspired, unmotivated, music has inspired and motivated me to get going at whatever it is that needs to be done. Or perhaps no action is needed. I simply need or want to tap into my deepest feelings. Music is the medium through which I am able to do that. To do that I have only to empty my mind and simply listen to a work that is pleasing to me. Then I can “get away from myself.” I suppose one could call it a form of meditation. Empty the mind and then you can tap into your inner being, is how it goes, I believe. Well, I’m not sure about the emptying of the mind. I suspect breathing exercises work better, but I do know that “deep” listening can be inspiring and the right music at the right time does touch my soul.

I do wish that names, places, and times would stick in my consciousness the way music does. Sometimes my head is full of music–unfortunately, not original. Since I lack the capability to create……well, maybe in my next life I will be a composer or song writer. Some music sticks in my head for days, weeks. Over a week ago I heard on the radio in the car a particular pleasing Rossini work that I like. That music is still going on in my head today as I write this–that and Too Hot to Handel, which I have been rehearsing weekly. It is not just one line. It is the whole orchestra– and all the choral parts, which makes it very enjoyable actually, but then sometimes I have to put on some other piece to get rid of something I have been “hearing” endlessly for days on end.

Better that than the alternative which is a constant, rather loud, high pitched hissing sound coming from both sides of my head around the area of the ears. Not an uncommon condition called tinitis. I understand this malady is the result of a filter in the brain not functioning as it should. The hissing is always there. It never actually goes away. I can “turn it off” only by focusing–and the key here is focusing– on something else, such as, conversation or, yes, music either real or imaginary.

Indeed, It is for many reasons that music is one of life’s greatest gifts.

© 11/24/11

About the Author

Betsy has been active in the GLBT community including PFLAG, the Denver women’s chorus, OLOC (Old Lesbians Organizing for Change). She has been retired from the Human Services field for about 15 years. Since her retirement, her major activities include tennis, camping, traveling, teaching skiing as a volunteer instructor with National Sports Center for the Disabled, and learning. Betsy came out as a lesbian after 25 years of marriage. She has a close relationship with her three children and enjoys spending time with her four grandchildren. Betsy says her greatest and most meaningful enjoyment comes from sharing her life with her partner of 25 years, Gillian Edwards.

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Summer Camp by Betsy

Unlike their counterpart the Boy
Scouts of America, the Girl Scouts of the USA have historically been accepting
of their lesbian members–girls and adult leaders and professional staff
members.   The policy regarding sexual
orientation is and always has been not to condemn or condone any sexual
behavior, and that displays of or promotion of any lifestyle over another is
inappropriate and has no place in the conduct of adult leaders or girl
members.  Inappropriate conduct sexual or
otherwise is subject to evaluation and condemnation by the administrative
authorities of the organization.
I had a 25 year career as a
professional staff member and about 40 years as a girl member and a volunteer
leader and administrator.  In those 65
years I have known many women both gay and straight who have been dedicated to
the Girl Scout program and ideals.
The Girl Scout program and the
places where it is carried out offer girls something unique; namely, a place
for girls only, a place where girls can carry out their activities and projects
without the presence of boys.  In a
girls-only environment, the dynamics are different from an environment where
boys are present.  Expectations of the
girls are higher and their performance is often higher.  The stereotypes assigned by society to
females usually disappear in an all-girl setting.  Stereotypes of acceptable female roles simply
do not apply in such circumstances. 
Studies have shown clearly that students in an all girl setting
consistently out perform those in co-ed settings.  Girl Scouting offers this all-girl setting
where recreational activities can be carried out.
It seems that homophobia has never
been an issue in my experience in girl scouting with one exception.  Summer camp. 
One can certainly understand how a
college aged lesbian seeking summer employment would be attracted to the Girl
Scout summer camp counsellor job.  How
many times have I heard these words from many of my lesbian acquaintances: “Oh,
you worked for the Girl Scouts?  I was a
summer camp counsellor when I was in college.”
There are very few times the
homophobia monster reared its ugly head in the 25 years I was with Mile Hi
Council staff.   Both were very ugly
indeed. 
I was not involved in the camp
program so I heard this story second hand but I am sure it’s accurate.  During one two-week session of camp somehow
word got out that there were two lesbians on the camp staff–maybe more.  The word got to some of the campers’
parents–parents who did not want their children exposed to homosexuality.  In the middle of the session two of the
parents appeared one day at camp and publicly and loudly demanded that their
children be removed immediately from whatever they were doing.  The mothers were there to take there darlings
home lest they fall under the damaging 
influence of the lesbian counsellors.
The second appearance of the
monster occurred when an acquaintance, the administrator of a camping program
told me that she had been directed by her CEO to be sure not to recruit camp
staff from the lesbian community.  How do
we know an applicant is a lesbian,” she asked.  
“We can’t ask.”  “They all have
short hair,” was the reply from the CEO, who, by the way, herself had never
been known to have anything but short hair.
Ahh! Summer camp.  No wonder I loved it so much myself.  Crawling with lesbians.  How is it that I ended up with a life-long
partner who doesn’t even know what summer camp is!
© 25 August 2014
About the Author

Betsy has been active in the GLBT community
including PFLAG, the Denver women’s chorus, OLOC (Old Lesbians Organizing for
Change).  She has been retired from the
Human Services field for about 15 years. 
Since her retirement, her major activities include tennis, camping,
traveling, teaching skiing as a volunteer instructor with National Sports
Center for the Disabled, and learning. 
Betsy came out as a lesbian after 25 years of marriage. She has a close
relationship with her three children and enjoys spending time with her four
grandchildren.  Betsy says her greatest
and most meaningful enjoyment comes from sharing her life with her partner of
25 years, Gillian Edwards.