The Truth Is, by Pat Gourley

The truth is I am a very lazy writer when it comes to putting fingers to keyboard and coming up with something for our weekly SAGE topics. I genuinely feel that my story, at least from a historical perspective, has pretty much been shared with the group. The format we use though has been very stimulating for remembering many past events and antics from my past particularly it seems from the 1960’s and 1970’s.

The truth is though I have much less to write about particularly from the mid 1980’s to the present. I seem to have experienced a diminution of involvement even in activities that seem to land right in front of me and ask for active participation on my part.

The truth is I am not exactly sure why this has happened but I can speculate I suppose. Maybe it is just a matter of getting older. I am getting older like it or not. As I rapidly approach my 70th birthday the truth is … that seems quite amazing to me. I know I am speaking to many folks here quite a bit older and am perceived by some of you as just a youngster. However, I do appreciate how remarkable it is really for someone infected with HIV in the early 1980’s to still be around and often griping about what are really first world problems. An example of a very vexing first world problem for me would be my bemoaning the fact that my neighborhood Whole Foods Market closed last fall and moved to LoDo. I mean really how I suffer so having only a King Soopers, a Safeway, a Trader Joe’s and a Natural Grocers all within easy walking distance.

The truth is I have been infected with HIV for at least 33 years, having tested positive in the summer of 1985. I strongly suspect though I came in contact with the virus and it set up shop in early 1981 making it 37 years, more than half of my life on Earth.

What is my secret to this longevity you may ask? Well the truth is I have no fucking idea. Beyond just maybe being one lucky son-of-a–bitch I can quickly rule out a few reasons right off the bat. It was most certainly not any sort of strong religious faith or conviction. I am an atheist and a half-assed Buddhist practitioner on my best days. Diet and exercise have always been important to me at least on an intellectual and philosophical level if not in my daily eating habits. Saturated fat and high dose sugar input in the form of gourmet ice creams indulged in freakishly often have done little I suspect in keeping my immune system in tip-top shape.

There is no doubt the HIV meds are the main reason I am still here and I do take them religiously. The truth is though that they are slowly accelerating many of the health problems driven by the dietary-fueled metabolic derangement so endemic in American life today with diabetes, stroke, dementia and heart disease being several prominent ones.

One possible current saving grace when it comes to my many dietary indiscretions is that the grocer closest to me is Trader Joe’s and their absolutely crappy ice cream selection. Talk about a first world problem, hey?

The truth is really when looking at my long-term HIV/AIDS survival that it is clearly related to my privilege. I am a white guy in a part of the world where the problems I face are really first world ones. I have been the beneficiary of many forms of privilege that have allowed me to coast for much of the past 37 years with relatively easy access to cutting edge HIV treatments and medications. That white privilege does unfortunately still play a huge role in HIV disease even today in the United States as reflected by the disproportional rate of new HIV infections. African American gay and bisexual men face a one–in-two chance of being infected in their lifetime. The same risk for white gay men is one in eleven. 

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/06/06/magazine/americas-hidden-hiv-epidemic.html

The truth is I am skating on pretty thin ice needing to continue toxic but necessary HIV chemotherapies and having numerous metabolic derangements undoubtedly accelerating my inevitable demise. So what keeps me going? Well not to in any way be pandering this group has been one. I find great solace in participating in a group whose existence is facilitated by the same organization I became involved with in 1976. The truth is where would I be without you?

© April 2018

About the Author

I was born in La Porte, Indiana in 1949, raised on a farm and schooled by Holy Cross nuns. The bulk of my adult life, some 40 plus years, was spent in Denver, Colorado as a nurse, gardener and gay/AIDS activist. I have currently returned to Denver after an extended sabbatical in San Francisco, California.

Don’t! by Lewis Brown

When I was in a Methodist Church last September 2016, many people in the congregation were becoming overly excited by the American election events. One of the lady parishioners, Kim, stood up and said “We go to church to worship God, that is we do not [Don’t] put our trust and hope in the princes of this world but in God only.” On one level, I agree with her. Donald Trump, as hostile as he is, is only a paper tiger as Mao Tse-Tung would have said.


Last Sunday I attended the Congregational Meeting of the Metropolitan Community Church of the Rockies (MCCR). The pastor, Rev. Dr. Gail Atchison said they were having severe financial problems. I learned for instance that the large commercial gas oven in the kitchen had “blown up,” so that they did not even have a functioning kitchen for catering and hosting events.

To be realistic, looking around, the only gay businesses that actually have any big bucks is the gay porno industry. And they would love to contribute to gay social agencies but cannot since they are considered, fairly or unfairly, to be moral if not legal criminals. The answer is a clever business man takes the contributions and launders the money legally of course and makes the cash available to our worthy causes. In the past the gay porno industry has contributed generously to AIDS related service and health agencies. Why not a new commercial gas stove for MCCR?

Some of the gay porno companies are Titan Men, Falcon Video, Raging Stallions and Hot House Videos. They have become big businesses.

At the MCCR Congregational Meeting we also discussed the currently proposed Mission Statement which, unlike the previous more militant Mission Statement, did not say “to develop a sense of community and the building up of the gay and Lesbian community.” It did speak of advocating for poor people and the homeless but was not much different from what a Congregational Church would have in its Mission Statement.

The pastor Gail Atkinson also stated that she was trying (I think heroically) to get more parishioners by scouring local community organizations one of which was the Denver Gay and Lesbian Community Center. She said that when she went there, no one had ever heard of the Metropolitan Community Church of the Rockies or of the denomination Metropolitan Community Church. Imagine, the Gay and Lesbian Center’s staff members did not even know that the gay and Lesbian Church was located about 10 blocks away from the Center building. The right hand did not know what the left had was doing. Mind-boggling. The Center staff members were also quite hesitant to promise to refer any young gay and Lesbian people to a “church” or to any church, given the assumed hostility of most churches to gay people.

Consider the Hassidic Jewish community in Brooklyn, New York. They are well organized. Their business leaders have cornered the market on the local photograph apparatus business, including the new digital cameras, and are well established in the diamond trade business, both of these businesses have become profitable. The typical Hassidic family therefore has an income from one of these businesses and lives in an apartment building owned by a Hassidic Jew so that the landlord – tenant hostility is avoided. The landlord wants the tenant to survive and thrive – for religious reasons.

So, when I hear phrases like “organize and empower the Lesbian and gay community,” I think this is what I mean. Organize like the Hassidic community in Brooklyn. They have successfully organized and the whole community has found a way to survive and thrive despite the hostility of our current politicians and hostile politicians of the past.

© 22 May 2017

About the Author

I was born in 1944, I lived most of my life in New York City, Queens County. I still commute there. I worked for many years as a Caseworker for New York City Human Resources Administration, dealing with mentally impaired clients, then as a social work Supervisor dealing with homeless PWA’s. I have an apartment in Wheat Ridge, CO. I retired in 2002. I have a few interesting stories to tell. My boyfriend Kevin lives in New York City. I graduated Queens College, CUNY, in 1967.

Leaving, by Gillian

This topic got me humming ‘Leavin’ on a Jet Plane,’ the old Peter, Paul, and Mary hit, which got me thinking about leaving on jet planes – or not.

It was 2003 and I was heading for DIA for a flight to London. Unfortunately, it was Tuesday March 18th of that year, and Denver was in the grip of one of the worst blizzards in the city’s history. All day, as the snow fell and the winds raged, I repeatedly checked on the departure status of my flight. Each time I was assured it was ‘on time’, even though every other flight out, or in, appeared to be cancelled. Eventually we could delay no longer and Betsy and I battled our way through at least a foot of heavy wet Spring snow in Betsy’s ancient Honda Civic – we had no four-wheel-drive vehicle at that time – and somehow made it to DIA. Sure enough, my flight was still listed ‘on time’ so Betsy left to fight her way back home, which by some miracle she was able to do.

Right on time we began boarding our plane; the only one visible at the entire airport with it’s lights on. The rest were hunkered down: abandoned, dark, and dormant. Meanwhile, the snow kept falling. The plows went doggedly up and down one runway which we London passengers began calling ‘our’ runway. But, no matter how the plows tried, they could not keep the surface clear. The snow was simply coming down too hard. After a couple of hours we moved away from the gate and onto the white runway. Some cheered. Most peered apprehensively out of the windows. Safely on the runway, engines roaring, we sat. And sat. Almost three hours later we slunk back to the gate. We were not leaving.

Over 4,000 people were stuck that night at DIA. The runways were closed and the roads were closed. Nobody was leaving. Most of the people were in the terminal and on other concourses, especially Concourse B which is always busy. Our flight had been leaving from Concourse A which is a little off by itself. The 500 or so passengers from that flight were the only people on the eerily dark and quiet Concourse A. The entire airport was without power except for that provided by the emergency generators. By the time we disembarked from our failed attempt at take-off, all the restaurants and shops were tightly closed up, dark and gated. So to bed without supper. Oh well! Come to that, without a bed either! We discovered that cots and blankets had been provided from DIA emergency supplies while we were spinning out wheels on the runway. There were not nearly enough, so we late-comers to the party had no hope. It was the hard marble floor for us.

Everyone seemed pretty cheerful all the same; nothing to be done about it. We all fanned out across Concourse A picking out a spot for the night. There was no hope of stretching out across a few chairs; they were all of the kind where several chairs are joined together in a row, with hard immovable arms between each. I remembered that behind the service desks there were rubber mats for the employees to stand on. Aha! That would soften that marble surface. I staked my claim by leaving my hand luggage in the middle of the mat and went off to see what others were doing. Of course our luggage was on the plane, and with carry-on alone it was hard to be very creative. Many of us hoped to use our coat as a pillow, unless or until it got too cold, with only a little emergency heat to keep us warm.

I sauntered over to a group of twenty or so in the midst of animated discussion. They were gathered around an old man being taken back to the U.K. for a final visit to celebrate his 90th birthday. No, they were all agreeing, he certainly could not be expected to sleep on the floor. He needed a cot. And a blanket. A raiding party of four young things was dispatched to the terminal, returning after a few minutes grinning broadly and carrying a cot and two blankets. They were greeted with cheers. Even pumped fists. Amazing, I thought. After a very few hours we had already become a village, a tribe, isolated out here, bereft of comfort, ready to attack that main body of refugees lolling around in the terminal in relative luxury, and simply take what we need.

After a pretty uncomfortable night for most of us, we nevertheless greeted each other cheerfully enough in the bathrooms in the morning. We had running, if cold, water; and, most important of all, we had flushing toilets. No morning coffee, no breakfast, but never mind, at least we had water to drink, and we’d be leaving this morning one way or another. Having encouraged each other in this way, we unanimously refused to see that it was actually snowing just as hard as it had been the day before and it now looked as if there was a good two feet of snow out there.

For a while we waited, expecting some official to appear momentarily with news. Nothing happened. Some child discovered, just playing around, that the phones were working. This was before cellphones were ubiquitous, and there were still banks of pay phones scattered around the airport. They couldn’t be working. Surely lines must be down? There was a rush to try them and they offered up the friendly hum of a dial tone. Unbelievable! After a wait for a phone to free up, I was able to call Betsy. She had spent a nightmare three hours getting back home from dropping me off at DIA, and of course had not been anywhere since. Assuring that I would call as soon as we knew about our flight, I joined the chattering people. That tribal village feeling was back as we fell over ourselves to exchange the news we had just heard via our phone calls.. It was as if we had been cut off from the outer world for weeks. There’s over two feet of snow. …. all the roads are closed in the city and in most of Colorado …… all the Interstates are closed; Denver is completely cut off ….. they’re calling out the National Guard to rescue stranded motorists …… it’s gonna snow all day and tonight and maybe stop tomorrow ….. the Red Cross can’t get here with food ………

The last two pronouncements left a little cloud of gloom in the air. Another whole day here without food? Another night on the cold hard floor? We gave a kind of collective shrug. Nothing to be done. Just fill the day.

A group of us went wandering off along the train tunnels, feeling like adventurous explorers. What would we find? Was there a food stash on Concourse D? Had more cots and blankets appeared in the terminal? Was there, by some miracle, coffee anywhere? We found none of the above. What we did find was water pouring in from the ceiling of the terminal onto astonished wet people, and, sadly, now wet cots and blankets, below. Apparently, so rumor had it, the weight of the wet snow had caused a rip in one of those famous tents on top of the Jeppesen Terminal.

Our little tribal band leaned over the railings on the second level and looked down upon the soggy scene below with, I am ashamed to admit, a certain grim satisfaction. That’s just what they deserved for hogging all those cots and blankets. Wondering, without much sympathy, how bad that waterfall would get, we returned to our village with the news.

We found a surprisingly varied scene. Some people sat quietly reading a book from their carry-on or doing the crossword in yesterday’s Denver Post. Other groups played cards. Again, this was prior to the days of universal laptops and tablets and smartphones. Further down the concourse was a young woman instructing a very well-attended aerobics class. Across from them was a yoga group. Still further along, a young man and woman had gathered up most of the kids and were organizing games. Others had started kids’ relay races down the concourse, using empty toilet rolls as batons. It was really rather an incredible scene. And the best of it was, everyone was smiling and laughing and just generally enjoying the day.

Definitely a village.

When we crawled up off that cold hard floor the next morning, pretty hungry by now, the snow had lessened to flurries and the skies looked slightly less threatening. Surely today we would leave! But there was a mighty lot of snow on the ground, and the wind had whipped it into really high drifts. On the phone, miraculously still working, Betsy knew little more than I did. With widespread power outages it was hard for most people to find out anything. Her little Honda, she said, was completely buried, leaving not even a little hump in the snow to signify it’s existence.

But for the first time there was a great deal of activity outside. Snow plows resumed their valiant attempts to clear paths and trucks loaded with mounds of sticky wet snow disappeared from view. We sat watching every move from the huge windows. Surely we would leave today!

The day wore on. Our village returned to much the same activities as the previous day, but with a slight edge of grim determination and a little less real enjoyment. This was getting old. By afternoon a few planes were taking off, but ours was not among them. There was great excitement when word reached us that the Red Cross had arrived in the terminal, followed by some disappointment when all they had to eat was food bars; two each. But as the power was now back on, they did have urns of good hot coffee, and all 4000 people lined up for their drink and snack in surprisingly good-humored and orderly fashion.

Back to our village and one more night in my little nest behind the service desk, but, joy of joys, the sun shone from a clear blue sky in the morning and Betsy informed me in our morning phone call that the airport was officially open. Soon, clean unsmelly unwrinkled people began to arrive, trampling our village. Our tribe dispersed to various just-opened restaurants. Eventually our plane took off, right on time if three days late.

As the wheels lifted off the runway a great cheer arose from us all. We really were, finally, leaving.

© November 2016

About the Author

I was born and raised in England. After graduation from college there, I moved to the U.S. and, having discovered Colorado, never left. I have lived in the Denver-Boulder area since 1965, working for 30 years at IBM. I married, raised four stepchildren, then got divorced after finally, in my forties, accepting myself as a lesbian. I have been with my wonderful partner Betsy for thirty years. We have been married since 2013.

The LGBT Diaspora, by Louis Brown

The prompt “family”
reminds me of Hillary Clinton having once proclaimed that “It takes a village
to raise a child.” Of course, there is some truth in that. It is a reference to
what many sociologists refer to as the “extended family.” If we take this
broadening view of the “family”, we may think in terms of an extended, extended
family or Diaspora, or world-wide family. Webster’s dictionary defines
“diaspora” as “(1) (a) the dispersion of the Jews after the Babylonian exile;
(b) the Jews thus dispersed; (c) the places where they settled [and by extension] (2) any scattering of
people with a common origin, background, beliefs, etc.”
In this etc. I would definitely
include “sexual orientation”. Lesbian and gay people are everywhere in the
world. If our community could only harness the power, it would mean a better
world for us, a better world for everyone.
In the 1950’s, Senator
Joseph McCarthy, if you recall, went on an anti-communist witch-hunt and an
anti-gay witch-hunt, claiming there were communists and homosexuals in the U.
S. State Department that were trying to subvert and even overthrow the
government. For a while Senator McCarthy was taken seriously. He referred to
the international communist conspiracy as the “comintern,” that is, the
international communist movement and the international gay community as the
“homintern,” presumably meaning the homosexual international.
Many liberals would claim
there is no such thing as the “homintern”. That was just Senator McCarthy’s
overactive imagination. Au contraire,
of course there is a “homintern” although I would call it the gay and lesbian
diaspora. We do not necessarily want to overthrow governments, but we do want
liberation. Our diaspora implies that our struggle for liberation is the most
analogous to that of the Jews. All of which we should embrace exuberantly rather
than shy off for fear of enraging homophobes.
If we take a bird’s eye
view of our diaspora, we note, for instance, that the Muslim world population
is one billion one hundred million. That means that there are one hundred and
ten million lesbian and gay Muslims. Have there been any attempts to organize
these one hundred and ten million people? Yes, but so far the results are
miniscule. In New York City there is one out-of-the-closet gay male Imam. In
time there will be millions like him. The MCC church of New York City provides
a weekly meeting place for lesbian and gay Muslims in that city.
In 1995 a group of lesbian
and gay Muslims held a “congress” in London, England. It would be good if our
Denver lesbian and gay community had an expert historian who could describe
exactly what happened at that congress. More information please?
Recently when I was back
in Jackson Heights, Queens County, NYC, I attended a lesbian and gay spiritual
meeting, at which the topic was gay spirituality in the history of Islam. The
leader asked each of us in attendance what spiritual remark we would like to
make. The leader did mention Rumi*, of course. I
said I think we should remember how many people we are talking about: 1/10 of
one billion one hundred million was 110 million. The leader responded to my
comment by first saying that that was not exactly a spiritual observation and
made other comments indicating that he could not even begin to understand what
I was talking about.
I did not reply to his
evasive reaction. I felt like saying “I cannot begin to understand how you do
not understand”. We have to raise the consciousness of millions of “lesgay”
people everywhere.
Consider also the efforts
of lesbian and gay Russians to organize to resist oppression in Russia. Their
best chance is to organize in Russian colonies abroad located in more liberal
countries, such as Brighton Beach in Brooklyn, NY.
Consider also there was
even a study of gay and lesbian people in the indigenous Maori tribes of
Australia and New Zealand. Let us celebrate our ubiquity, or omnipresence
rather than fear to acknowledge the simple truth.
© 1 Sep 2016 
About
the Author
 
I was born in 1944, I lived most of
my life in New York City, Queens County. I still commute there. I worked for
many years as a Caseworker for New York City Human Resources Administration,
dealing with mentally impaired clients, then as a social work Supervisor
dealing with homeless PWA’s. I have an apartment in Wheat Ridge, CO. I retired
in 2002. I have a few interesting stories to tell. My boyfriend Kevin lives in
New York City. I graduated Queens College, CUNY, in 1967.

One Monday Afternoon by Phillip Hoyle

One Monday afternoon with a folder of
stories in hand, I made my way to The LGBT Center in the 1100 block on
Broadway, the place with the purple awning that I had visited often to borrow
books from the Terry Mangan Memorial Library. My friend Dianne had looked at
The Center’s website and called me to say they were offering art programs and a
weekly storytellers gathering. She thought I might be interested, and she was
right. For quite a few years I had been attending a writers group, a monthly
gathering of men and women in which I was the only gay, but now I thought I’d
like to read my gay-themed pieces to an LGBT audience to see what response I
would receive. Excited by the prospects I entered the building, climbed the
stairs, registered my presence, and made my way to the library where the group
was to meet.
I knew the storytelling was part of
SAGE, a seniors program, and wondered how I’d compare with other participants.
I was younger except for Jackie who was the group leader. She was quite a bit
younger than I, a graduate social work student at Denver University who had
started the group as part of her internship with SAGE. Jackie’s warm and
friendly personality attracted me, and she was just funky enough and humorous
enough for me to relate to her. Two or three other men attended my first Monday
afternoon with the group. We introduced ourselves to one another and the
storytelling began. Since I’d never attended before, I had no story about the
topic, but I did have a couple of stories about my experiences as an older man
who came to Denver some years earlier to live his life as an openly gay man. Two
participants told stories extemporaneously, sharing interesting events in their
lives. Jackie read her story, something about one of her boyfriends back in New
Jersey. The other participant read his story in a thick Alabama accent.
I knew I had come to the right place. Thus began my tenure with The Center’s
SAGE of the Rockies “Telling Your Story” group, a storytelling relationship
that has endured over three years.
The next Monday afternoon one of the
extemporaneous storytellers surprised us and himself by reading a story.
Somehow the experience of putting his feelings on paper moved him deeply,
reading them aloud nearly devastated him, and hearing them read nearly devastated
the rest of us. What was this group? I suspected our times together might
become more than any of us anticipated.
Over the ensuing weeks—April through
June—we told our stories to one another; sometimes asking questions for
clarification, sometimes responding with our own similar experiences and
feelings, and always appreciating the candor and depth of the sharing. But
Jackie broke into our satisfaction by announcing the end of her internship; she
had received an assignment at another setting for the final months of her
academic program. Michael piped up to say we already had our next leader. We
looked around the room and then a realization hit me. I felt like I was again
in church; I was being volunteered. When the truth of it was clarified, I
agreed only to consider convening the group. The Center would be closed for a
month while the programs moved into the new facility on East Colfax Avenue. I
suggested that on the first Monday afternoon of opening week we come together
with stories on the topic “Beginnings.” In the meantime I would confer with
Ken, the acting SAGE director, about the possibility of leading the group.
I did volunteer to lead the group, an
experience of great importance and meaning for me. Prior to accepting the
responsibility I had gone nearly twelve years without leading any kind of
group. In fact, I had rarely attended any meetings for over a decade. I
reasoned perhaps it was time I re-entered group life and asked the participants
to brainstorm several topics we could use for the next meetings. We did so and
since then have generated so many topics we’ll have to meet weekly for
several years to use them all. The LGBT makeup of the group has presented no
particular challenges because of the personalities of group members and their
dedication to building community that features a broad spectrum of human
experience. But the most important thing I discovered in assuming this
leadership was that the group barely required any leadership, barely needed it.
It’s the easiest group I ever led, and I had led many, many of them in a church
career that lasted thirty years. Also, I never before led a group with such a
high average IQ or so much creativity and talent, both raw and trained. And
still after many months I never can imagine what to expect each week. Such fun,
such humanity, such diversity, such community. It all began for me one Monday
afternoon.
© Denver,
2013
About the Author
  

 Phillip Hoyle
lives in Denver and spends his time writing, painting, and socializing. In
general he keeps busy with groups of writers and artists. Following thirty-two
years in church work and fifteen in a therapeutic massage practice, he now
focuses on creating beauty. He volunteers at The Center leading the SAGE
program “Telling Your Story.”
He also blogs
at artandmorebyphilhoyle.blogspot.com