Tag: Connection

Posted on

Connections, by Phillip Hoyle

On the holiday the Clan, my partner’s family, gathered for one of their periodic get-togethers. As usual the food was good, the conversations lively, the four generations in constant communication over what is occurring in their lives. This time the gathering was at our house where matriarch Ruth, Jim, and I live. Jim had prepared a special feature: videos of past events, ones recorded by a late partner, DB, who had related to the family more years than I have. (I’m up to 14 years.) DB died a few months ago and the showing provided family members a reminder of his contributions to their life. I enjoyed hearing them laugh at how they looked back then. I listened to their conversations about what they were seeing and realized how we newer members had missed a lot.

The youngest child, Ruth’s great-granddaughter, a precocious and rather insistent five-year-old with long blond hair tied back with a bow that matched her beautiful spring dress, kept coming indoors where the videos were running to see if her mother was on the screen. To me the mother and daughter appear to be twins separated by many years—insistent, mouthy, strong. The little one enjoyed playing with me—high fives, snatches of conversation, laughs, and flirtations. She seemed to want my attention. Jim told me she had asked him toward the end of the afternoon, “Where’s Uncle Jim?” He said, “I’m Uncle Jim.” She said, “No, not you.” He said, “Oh, you mean Uncle Phil.” “Yes.” So I made a new connection to the family through its youngest member.

© 10 April 2017

About the Author

Phillip Hoyle lives in Denver and spends his time writing, painting, and socializing. In general he keeps busy with groups of writers and artists. Following thirty-two years in church work and fifteen in a therapeutic massage practice, he now focuses on creating beauty. He volunteers at The Center leading the SAGE program “Telling Your Story.”

He also blogs at artandmorebyphilhoyle.blogspot.com

Posted on

Do I Have Your … Hand In Marriage by Lewis



[The
following readings are taken from the Commitment Ceremony of Laurin Foxworth
and Lewis Thompson held on November 18, 2000, exactly three years before
same-sex marriages first became legal in any state of the United States.  The venue was the First Unitarian Universalist
Church of Detroit, MI.  It began with a
poem written by Laurin….]

Connection



The sun, moon, stars, and clouds,
Rain, snow, drizzle, fog,
All accept me as I am
Love me, caress me, enfold me.
Water and sun envelope me,
Warm me to the core.
Breezes play with me–all over!
Branches and stalks brush me to say, “Hello”!
The green shoots, the myriad flowers,
The many-colored leaves and clouds
Delight my eyes, my soul.
Soaring, flitting birds lift my spirits.
Earth’s aromas intoxicate, enthrall.
And we are one with the universe,
Whole, content, loved. You and me.

[Next
came the “Welcoming of the Guests”, written by me and spoken by the
Rev. Larry Hutchison.]

Dear friends and family, Laurin and Lewis have called us here today to witness the public declaration of their love and caring for each other. In that sense, this is a very personal event but because this is a union service of two gay men, it is also unavoidably a political one. No singular act of loving and commitment undertaken by two individuals on behalf of each other causes so much consternation as this one. It has baffled churches in America for decades–even centuries–and continues to stir the ire of “average” Americans like no other issue. Therefore, your presence today is in itself an act of courage, as well as of love. For what greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined together in order to strengthen each other in all labor, to minister to each other in all sorrow, to share with each other all gladness, to be one with each other in the silent, unspeakable memories of the heart, and to transform their private happiness into social blessing?

[The
following reading is from One Hour to Madness and Joy from Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman.]

O, the puzzle, the thrice-tied knot, the deep and dark pool, all untied and illumin’d!

O, to speed where there is space enough and air enough at last!
To be absolv’d from previous ties and conventions, I from mine and you from yours!
To find a new unthought-of nonchalance with the best of Nature!
To have the gag remov’d from one’s mouth!
To have the feeling today or any day, “I am sufficient as I am.”

O, something unprov’d! Something in a trance!

To escape utterly from others’ anchors and holds!
To drive free! To love free! To dash reckless and dangerous!
To court destruction with taunts, with invitations!
To ascend, to leap to the heavens of the love indicated to me!
To rise thither with my inebriate soul!
To be lost if it must be so!
To feed the remainder of life with one hour of fullness and freedom,
With one brief hour of madness and joy!
[That
which follows is the “Blessing of the Congregation”, written by me
and read by the minister.]

The ceremony in which we are all now participating is a bold, even revolutionary act. As you all know, many in our society do not yet recognize the validity and worth of the Holy Union we today celebrate and affirm. Indeed, many are openly hostile to two persons of the same gender who decide to commit their lives to one another. We hope that, some day, men who love men and women who love women will no longer feel the scorn of those who do not understand that love on its worst day is holier than scorn on its best. In the meantime, we can express the joy and approval which we feel for Laurin and Lewis as they publicly affirm the love they feel for each other and the commitment they make to one another today. Let me therefore ask those gathered here this question: “Do you–friends and family of Lewis and Laurin–freely give them your blessing now as they enter into this new relationship and do you promise to give them your love, understanding, and support during both good times and bad? If so, say “We do.”

[The
following was the vow that we each spoke in turn to the other.]

Do you…promise and covenant before these friends and family assembled to take this man…to be your life partner, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health? Do you hereby pledge your faith to love and honor him all the days of your life?

[Next
came the exchange of rings.]

Round like the earth, sun, and moon, bright as the skies and worked by the craft of human hands, these rings are symbolic of the foundation of your lives together and they will give brightness in the days to come. They call from you the human craft of loving. As you give, receive, and wear these rings, remember the vows you have made.

[The
closure of vows.  The five lines at the
end were borrowed from an author whose name I do not remember. I posted them at
the end of a letter I wrote to Laurin when he was wavering between staying with
his wife, Mary Lou, or leaving his home in Hylton Head and moving to Dearborn
to live with me.]
As your civil union brings a new meaning to love, so your
love brings a new meaning to life. 
Because love comes from the heart, true love comes from knowing your own
heart–
“You have to find out who you are and be that.
You have to decide what comes first and do that.
You have to discover your strengths and use them.
You have to learn not to compete with others,
Because no one else is in the contest of being you.”

[The
“Charge to the Couple” is borrowed from “The Book of Pagan
Rituals”.]
Above you are the stars
Below you are the stones.
As time does pass
Remember…
Like a star should your love be constant.
Like a stone should your love be firm.
Be close, yet, not too close.
Possess one another, yet be understanding.
Have patience each with the other
For storms will come, but they will go quickly.
Be free in giving of affection and warmth.
Make love often and be sensuous to one another.
Have no fear and let not the ways or words
Of the unenlightened give you unease.
For the spirit is with you,
Now and always.

[Next
followed recorded music from the album “Exile” by the San Francisco
Gay Men’s Chorus.  These are the lyrics….]
Take to your road, as I to mine.
But let us walk
This time together.
Our two roads lie side-by-side,
So, let us walk,
To walk this time together.
Hold to your mountain,
As I to mine.
But let us love
This time together.
Both our mountains touch
The same blue sky,
So, let us love,
To love this time together.
Cling to your house, as I to mine.
But let us live
This time together.
One light we share,
One love we claim.
So, let us live,
To live this time together.
One road, one mountain,
One house,
And together…
One family.

[Finally,
the Pronouncement/Declaration of Civil Union.]

Inasmuch as Laurin and Lewis have grown in knowledge and love of one another, because they have agreed in their desire to go forward in life together, seeking an ever-richer, deepening relationship, and because they have pledged themselves to meet sorrow and joy as one family, we rejoice to recognize them as partners in life. Will you kiss as a seal of your Holy Union?

© 9 September 2013

About
the Author


I came to the beautiful state of Colorado out of my native Kansas by way of Michigan, the state where I married and I came to the beautiful state of Colorado out of my native Kansas by way of Michigan, the state where I married and had two children while working as an engineer for the Ford Motor Company. I was married to a wonderful woman for 26 happy years and suddenly realized that life was passing me by. I figured that I should make a change, as our offspring were basically on their own and I wasn’t getting any younger. Luckily, a very attractive and personable man just happened to be crossing my path at that time, so the change-over was both fortuitous and smooth.


Soon after, I retired and we moved to Denver, my husband’s home town. He passed away after 13 blissful years together in October of 2012. I am left to find a new path to fulfillment. One possibility is through writing. Thank goodness, the SAGE Creative Writing Group was there to light the way.