Eavesdropping, by Gillian

I say the days of
eavesdropping are over. Like so many other things, it is obsolete; extinct.
Voices yell intimacies into smartphones, while people’s every thought, word,
and deed, flood from Facebook and Twitter. We have entered an era more of anti-eavesdropping;
of trying not to hear the intimate details of everyone’s life; their
every opinion. Not long after the last Superbowl a friend and I met for lunch.
The business- men at the next table were so raucous in their analysis of the
game that we had to move to another table. Next to that one, two women talked
incessantly, almost as loud as those men, not to each other but into their
phones. Eavesdropping, if you can even use the term, has become obligatory.
As a kid, especially
being an only child, I loved to eavesdrop. I recall clearly one conversation on
a bus. The young couple in the seat in front of me had a very emotional, if
whispered, argument over whose fault it was that the girl was pregnant. I got
quite an education. The last time I rode a bus, which actually was to get to
Cheesman Park for the start of this year’s Pride Parade, a young guy yelled
abuse into his iPhone the entire trip. Apparently, his girlfriend was pregnant,
and, very apparently, he was displeased. He repeatedly called her a ‘fucking
stupid bitch’, occasionally switching to ‘stupid fucking bitch’, which seemed
to exhaust his vocabulary. I really didn’t want to hear it. I hurriedly shoved
in my earbuds and turned on my iPod. Definitely we are in the
anti-eavesdropping era.
I was first taught to
eavesdrop by my parents. They listened constantly to Mother Nature, who never
stops talking. Through them, I learned to relish birdsong, which of course is
eavesdropping. They aren’t singing to me – they sing to each other, or perhaps to
themselves simply for the glory of the welcome light of morning. Mum and Dad
taught me to listen to the whispers of the wind in the trees, or the howling of
it against the window panes, and to know what it meant for tomorrow’s weather.
From my aunt, and later from a wonderful teacher in high school, I learned to
listen to the whispers of the rocks. They also never stop talking, but oh so
quietly. If you can manage to hear them, they tell the amazing history of our
planet, and they tattle-tale on Mother Nature herself. They give away her age.
As far as our planet is concerned, at least, she is middle-aged; half way
between birth and her life-expectancy of nine billion years. The rocks tell us
that dinosaurs once roamed right here, where we sit this Monday afternoon. (Not
exactly here, on the second floor, but you get my drift!)
But there’s something up
with old Ma Nature. She’s not as quiet as she used to be. Her whispers became
louder. Over the more recent decades she has begun not only to talk out loud but
even to shout. She knows something. She wants us to know. But we don’t listen.
We are well into the
anti-eavesdropping era.
We really don’t want to
hear it.
We put on our headphones
and turn up the music.
Mother Nature is
desperate. We must hear her. She will be OK, as will the planet, at
least for another five billion or so years, but we must save ourselves.
She tosses tumultuous tornado swarms at us to wake us up, and hurls humongous
hurricanes to get our attention. We ignore her. In 2003 as many as 70,000
deaths in Europe were attributed to record heat. In June last year London hit
it’s highest temperature on record, at 103. TV shots showed train tracks
buckling in the heat. But this July as I tried to watch the tennis at
Wimbledon, (I say ‘tried’ because it was rained out day after day) London was
treated to the wettest month on record. Last year’s heat waves in India,
Pakistan, and parts of South America broke all records. Australia has had to
add new colors to weather maps to accommodate temperatures never experienced
before. Climate craziness.
2015 also brought heat
records to Alaska and parts of the American southwest. Meanwhile we recently
had record rainfall in China, and across this country from Texas to Washington
D.C.
And still we hear nothing.
Mother Nature might as
well be silent for all the attention we pay.
Flames roar from the
forests on every continent. Even as I write this, sitting on the patio, I smell
in the air the smoke from the Boulder County fire. Another fire blazes on
Hayden Pass, Colorado, which they do not expect to contain before October.
Mother nature absolutely
screams.
Still we do nothing.
A few years ago,
residents of several Polynesian nations banded together in a desperate attempt
to get the world to care about their islands, which were, and of course still
are, disappearing into the Pacific. In their traditional hand-hewn wooden
boats, they temporarily were able to block the mouth of the Australian harbor
from which a huge coal-ship was ready to leave. The coal was destined for the
huge hungry mouths of the Chinese coal-fired energy plants, whose energy goes
to fill the huge hungry mouths of the endless factories producing goods for the
endless huge hungry mouths  of the world’s
insatiable consumer appetites. Don’t blame Australia. Don’t blame China.
There’s plenty of guilt to go round. We are all guilty. I still drive my car,
and occasionally I fly on a plane which is exponentially worse for the
environment. Those south-sea islanders get it. It’s in your face down there;
quite literally. When that beautiful blue ocean which once lapped at your feet,
starts to slap you in the face, you get it.
Hopeful-sounding treaties
are signed every now and then, after endless wrangling, but always making
agreements for future goals, not demanding big decisive action now. It
all smacks, to me, of the alcoholic who intends to quit drinking once he’s
finished this last bottle of whisky. No! He has to quit now. Poor out
the rest. We are all addicts, hooked on our lifestyles and standards of living.
We need to quit now, not when we’ve smoked that last carton of
cigarettes. If we don’t start hearing Mother Nature’s cries right now,
it will be too late.
What if that man on the
bus was not shouting abuse at his girlfriend, but yelling to me; to all the
passengers? ‘Fire! Fire! The bus is on fire. Get out now. Fire! Fire!’
I ignore him. I do
nothing. All the people on the bus do nothing.
I don my noise-canceling
headphones, turn up the music and go into anti-eavesdropping mode, breathing in
the billowing smoke.
We would all say, that is
just insane, suicidal, behavior.
Wouldn’t we?
© July 2016 
About
the Author
 
I was born and
raised in England. After graduation from college there, I moved to the U.S.
and, having discovered Colorado, never left. I have lived in the Denver-Boulder
area since 1965, working for 30-years at IBM. I married, raised four
stepchildren, then got divorced after finally, in my forties, accepting myself
as a lesbian. I have been with my wonderful partner Betsy for thirty-years.
We have been married since 2013.

Poetry, by Lewis Thompson

When
Death Comes
–by Mary
Oliver
 (Oct 03, 2006)

When death comes
like the hungry bear in autumn; 


when death comes and takes all the bright coins from his purse 
to
buy me, and snaps the purse shut; 

when death comes
like the measle-pox

when
death comes
like an iceberg between the shoulder blades,

I
want to step through the door full of curiosity, wondering:
what is it going to be like, that cottage of darkness?

And
therefore, I look upon everything
as a brotherhood and a sisterhood,
and I look upon time as no more than an idea,
and I consider eternity as another possibility,


and
I think of each life as a flower, as common
as a field daisy, and as singular,

and
each name a comfortable music in the mouth,
tending, as all music does, toward silence,

and
each body a lion of courage, and something
precious to the earth.

When
it’s over, I want to say all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

When
it’s over, I don’t want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.

I
don’t want to find myself sighing and frightened,
or full of argument.

I
don’t want to end up simply having visited this world.

–Mary
Oliver
© 30 Jun 2014 
About
the Author 
I came to the
beautiful state of Colorado out of my native Kansas by way of Michigan, the
state where I married and I came to the beautiful state of Colorado out of my
native Kansas by way of Michigan, the state where I married and had two
children while working as an engineer for the Ford Motor Company. I was married
to a wonderful woman for 26 happy years and suddenly realized that life was
passing me by. I figured that I should make a change, as our offspring were
basically on their own and I wasn’t getting any younger. Luckily, a very
attractive and personable man just happened to be crossing my path at that
time, so the change-over was both fortuitous and smooth.
Soon after, I
retired and we moved to Denver, my husband’s home town. He passed away after 13
blissful years together in October of 2012. I am left to find a new path to
fulfillment. One possibility is through writing. Thank goodness, the SAGE
Creative Writing Group was there to light the way.

The Knitters’ Dilemma, by Cecil Bethea

The scene is a comfortable living room – like its owner a bit
worn and dowdy who is sitting on a sofa with two wing back chairs at either
end.  A plastic grocery bag lies beside
him.
Bert  (Looking directly at the audience)
Good afternoon!  My name is Bert
Wilson.  Because I’m a junior and Dad was
called “Al”, I got the rear end, which is pretty much the story of my life.
Well, you all are
probably wondering why we’re here.  There
is a story.  I’m a member of a men’s club
called the Prime Timers.  If you’re nice,
you’d call us a group of mature gentlemen involved in various social
activities.  If you’re not nice but are
bitchy –like so many people-, you could call us a gaggle of gay geezers doing
only God knows what.
Anyway a
few of us are working on a project to raise money for the club.  While we don’t advertise the fact, we all
like to knit, it’s a bit like masturbation –enjoyable but not discussed. Anyway, we’re doing a project to raise money. 
We are making what might be called, shall I call them, stocking
stuffers, actually they are called cock socks. 
Hate that term.  Sounds like
something you’d buy in a really depressing discount store.
(The door chimes “There’s
Gonna Be a Hot Time in This Old Town Tonight”)
Come on in whoever you are; the lock is off.
Ben   Some day you’re going to say that to the wrong man.
Bert  Is
there such a creature as a “wrong man”?
Ben   Just think how
often we’ve fallen in love before the third drink with some guy in a bar.
Bert  There
you go again dragging up the past.
Ben   We all know you think that truth is a greatly overrated
virtue.  
Listen, I went by Playtime Toys and talked to
Mike, the manager; he’d like to get a dozen of the cock socks, but on
consignment.
Bert  Consignment?  What’s that?
Ben
We let him
have them.  For each one he sells we get $7.50.  Any he doesn’t sell we get back.
Bert  Is he honest?
Ben   He’ll sign a contract.
Bert  Exactly what sort of place is this Playtime Toys.
Ben   You know.  He sells
sex toys.
Bert  No, I don’t know! 
I get along very well without gadgets. 
Besides what were you doing in Playtime Toys?
Ben   He also sells porn.
Bert  Now that’s understandable.  Wonder where the magazines get all those good
looking young men who are willing, no, anxious, to take off their clothes to be
photographed.  I never see any such
creatures while strolling in the malls, at Safeway, or on 16th
Street.
Ben   You should sport a $100 bill or maybe even a $50
on your lapel.  Sometimes, I hear, a hot
meal and a warm bed will do the trick.
Bert  Really?
Ben   At least, that’s
what I hear.  Is Adam coming?
Bert  Yes.  He has a ride with Ned, that new member who was
at the luncheon Wednesday, so he might be on time, 
Ben   Unlikely.  Adam will be too late for his own funeral.  (The chimes peal) I might be wrong.
Bert  Come on in.
Adam   I do believe I’m on time.
Ben   Probably nobody else will believe in that miracle.
Adam   There you go again being cynical and telling the world.
Ben   Not so much cynical as realistic.
Adam   No matter.  This is
Ned.  Remember him from the luncheon
Wednesday.  He sat by me.  Somehow during the conversation, it came out
that he knits, so naturally I invited him to join us.
Bert  Ned, who taught you how?
Ned  My grandmother.  She babysat me.  To keep me still she taught me how to crochet
pot holders.  Everybody, no matter who,
got a pot holder for Christmas. 
Eventually I graduated to afghans. 
Pot holders became dull so she taught me how to knit.  As they say, the rest is history.
Bert  My story exactly except it was Aunt Amanda.  She was a fine seamstress.  Women came all the way from Laurel to have
her make them dresses.
Ned  Laurel?  Maryland?
Ben   Lord, no.  He’s
from the metropolis of Hot Coffee, Mississippi. 
Bert is the only man I know who can turn ‘shit’ into a five-syllable
word.
Ned  Five?
Ben   He sort of skids on that ‘i’.
Bert You all quit talking about me.  I’m thinking we should get a name other than “cock
sox”.  That sounds so common.
Ned  Hardly common.  I’d say downright rare.  For example, is one of us wearing a cock sock
now?
Adam   It’s not that cold outside.
Ben   I’d never thought of using one like long johns.
Bert  You all know what I mean – a classy name with just a hint
of naughtiness.
Ned  What about ‘Gilding for the Lily’?
Ben   Maybe ‘Gift Wrap’.
Adam   ‘Camouflage’.
Ben   ‘Almost There’
Ned  ‘High Hopes’
Adam   ‘Manhandler’,
Bert  Remember; we’re not trying to name a new perfume.
Ned  I once heard them called penis
cozies.
Ben   How many guys
have ever seen a tea cozy much less know what a cozy is?
Bert  I prefer penis cozy to cock sock because it sounds so warm
and snugly.
Ned  Well, now that problem is solved;
we can get to work.
Adam   I’m more than half way through one.  And Reggie, that guy from Calgary, gave me a
custom order for a gift.  Wrote the
colors and the size on his business card. 
(He pulls the card from his wallet, reads, and then exclaims)  My God!
Bert  What’s the matter?
Adam   He wants a cock sock in Kelly-green with amethyst blue
trim and 20 by 6!
Ben   That’s positively equine.
Ned  Sounds more like elephantine.
Bert  Those colors are garish. 
Wait just one minute! Did you say twenty by six?  No one has ever seen one that size; has
anyone ever heard of one? 
Ned  That would be a treasure in a
museum.  
Ben   Or in a porno film.
Adam   The very wonder!
Ned  I think you should verify
those dimensions.
Ben   On the other hand if they are wrong, he could use the
thing for a tote bag.
Bert  That would be an awful lot of Kelly-green and amethyst
blue.  I think you should call to check.
Ben   Try to get the other guy’s number.
Adam    (Dialing) Hello, Reggie. 
Adam Swithin.  I’m just checking
to see if I got you order right.  My eyes
aren’t what they were.
Never did meet a Dorian Grey either.  Now, you have down here on your card Kelly
green…
Oh!  He is.
That’s not too common.
All over!
I’m sure he is. 
And you want amethyst blue for the trim?
They are? 
That must be nice.
Now about the size, I read it as twenty by six
(Disappointed) So that’s it ,
I didn’t know that. 
Well, I just wanted to be sure  
See you at the luncheon Wednesday.  Good bye.
Well, that man is besotted or crazy or vice
versa.
Ned  Go ahead and give us the details
Adam   Firstly, Reggie, like I said, is madly in love with an Irishman.  That’s why he wants the Kelly green.
Ben   Never heard of showing your patriotism by wearing a Kelly-green
cock sock.
Ned  You’ve never been in the baths
after a St. Patrick’s Day Parade.  I did
decades ago in New York.  Still suffer
from post-traumatic stress syndrome.
Bert  What about the amethyst blue?
Adam   That’s the color of Shawn’s beautiful eyes.  His hair is red, everywhere.
Ned  When the lights are out you can’t
see, so the colors don’t matter, but you can feel a lot.
Ben   Tell us.  We are
waiting with bated breath.  Whatever that
means
Adam   Like I said, Reggie is from Calgary.  Up in Canada, they use the metric
system.  So, it is in centimeters not
inches.  Respectable but not marvelous.
Bert  But what does all this mean?  Centimeters? I don’t understand.
Ben   It means that Shawn’s prick is about 7 ½ inches by 2 ¾.
Bert  That’ s nice but certainly not 20 X 6.
Ned  Oh! How the glory has departed.
Ben   Miracles do not happen in the modern world.
Adam   But I can still daydream.
Bert  Seeing one that
big would be like that old saying “See Paris and die.”
© 17 Oct 2010 
About the Author 
 Although
I have done other things, my fame now rests upon the durability of my
partnership with Carl Shepherd; we have been together for forty-two years and
nine months as of today, August 18th, 2012.
Although
I was born in Macon, Georgia in 1928, I was raised in Birmingham during the
Great Depression.  No doubt I still carry
invisible scars caused by that era.  No
matter we survived.  I am talking about
my sister, brother, and I.  There are two
things that set me apart from people. 
From about the third-grade I was a voracious reader of books on almost
any subject.  Had I concentrated, I would
have been an authority by now; but I didn’t with no regrets.
After
the University of Alabama and the Air Force, I came to Denver.  Here I met Carl, who picked me up in Mary’s
Bar.  Through our early life, we traveled
extensively in the mountain West.  Carl
is from Helena, Montana, and is a Blackfoot Indian.  Our being from nearly opposite ends of the
country made “going to see the folks” a broadening experience.  We went so many times that we finally had
“must see” places on each route like the Quilt Museum in Paducah, Kentucky and
the polo games in Sheridan, Wyoming.  Now
those happy travels are only memories.
I was
amongst the first members of the memory writing class.  While it doesn’t offer criticism, it does
offer feedback.  Also, just trying to
improve your writing helps no end.
Carl
is now in a nursing home; I don’t drive any more.  We totter on.

Bicycle Memories, by Betsy

I now know I had a trike. I have a photo of it.  But I don’t recall it. The first bicycle I
can remember that was mine was a blue probably Schwinn with big old fat
tires.  When I grew to be old enough to
ride out of my neighborhood, I went everywhere on that vehicle: to school, to
the store, on “bike hikes” on the weekends with my friends.  One day I was riding down a small hill on
Morris Avenue.  I got going very fast—too
fast really— the handlebar began to shake back and forth Before I knew it I was
out of control.  At the bottom of the
hill was a roundabout—right in front of my dentist’s office. I hit the curb of
the roundabout and flew into the shrubbery in the middle. Next thing I knew I
was in my mother’s car on the way to the surgeon’s office. My dentist, Dr.
Bienville, had seen the accident from his window and went running to save me.
He carried me into his office and called my mother who took me to the doctor. I
suppose he checked my teeth first. I only suffered a nasty cut on my face which
the surgeon did a great job of stitching up. I still have a scar which is
barely discernible now 70 years later.  I
sure loved that blue bike, but it was never again ridable.
When my children were 2,4, and 6, we went to the Netherlands
to live for 2 1/2 years. As  is the case
for the Dutch people, bicycles were our main mode of transportation in the
crowded streets of that country. In the 1960’s I had never seen child carriers
for bicycles in the United States. But they were as prevalent as tulips in
Holland. All kinds. Between the two of us my husband and I could easily carry
our 3 children about on bikes with no problem. 
Safety was not so much of a consideration back then. No one wore a
helmet, not even did we put them on our children’s heads. I suppose some heads
had to be sacrificed before anyone thought of using helmets. One of our
favorite weekend activities was riding our bicycles on the ever present paved
paths through the Dutch sand dunes, one of the few undeveloped natural places
in the Netherlands.
Back in the U.S. in the 70’s and in Denver, I didn’t own a
bicycle. But we were able to remain a one car family for many years because
Bill, my husband, used his bicycle to commute the two or so miles to work every
day rain or shine. 
It was not until the late 1980’s that I started cycling
again—riding to work and around town on errands.
In 1986, I took my first long distance bicycle trip with my
daughter and her boyfriend both in college at the time. Still no helmets to be
seen. There were bicycle shops but they only housed bicycles and parts—no
paraphernalia of any kind—no spandex cycling shorts with padded crotch, no
handlebar mounted computers to tell you how fast you were going, how far you
had gone, all meteorological info you could possibly need, what day and time it
was, and your location coordinates—none of the accessories we see in the shops
today.
But that cycling trip around western New York state, and the
Allegheny Mountains in Pennsylvania was a wonderful and memorable adventure for
me.  I think that’s when I became hooked
on cycling.
In the 1990’s now an out and proud lesbian, I bought a blue
Fuji and rode the MS 150, a 150-mile ride from Denver to Pueblo and back to
raise funds for the MS Foundation.  This
ride is not a race, but many riders joined teams for the purpose of training,
socializing, and supporting each other on the ride. Early on I found myself
joining the “Motley Spokes team.”  The
competition was about raising money, not riding fast. 
During these years I pedaled several charitable rides in
various parts of the country and met many wonderful people. I have been very
lucky as well as I have many times been able to bring my own personal sag
support with me.  Gill has always been
willing— actually she has mostly wanted to come along (not on a bicycle) to
satisfy her wanderlust.  Unfortunately,
sometimes she becomes engrossed in her own bird watching, wildlife viewing,
picture taking activities and is distracted from her duties as a sag support.
She tends to turn her phone off so as not to disturb the wildlife—not helpful
to a stranded cyclist. Once riding in North Dakota in a vast open area with no
one in sight, the sky turned black and looked ominous.  “I wonder where Gill is, I said to myself.
”This looks like tornado weather.”  Two
hours later I arrived at the town that was our destination for the day, but I
was a bit scared, I must admit. And there she was. No bad weather where she had
been. Just tons of birds.
My best cycling experience and most memorable was across the
southern tier of the United States from Pacific to Atlantic. This was a two
month, 3800 mile fully supported tour with a company called Womantours. That
was in 2005. This trip has provided me with endless material for story
time.  Most of you have heard some of my
ramblings about this particular adventure. And I suppose I will continue to
refer to it as long as I am telling stories.
I have loved my bicycling experiences and the memories they
have provided.  I guess that’s why I love
a bicycle trip. It’s always an adventure. And I love adventure. 
© 30 May 2016 
About the Author 
 Betsy has been active in
the GLBT community including PFLAG, the Denver Women’s Chorus, OLOC (Old
Lesbians Organizing for Change), and the GLBT Community Center. She has been
retired from the human services field for 20 years. Since her retirement, her major
activities have included tennis, camping, traveling, teaching skiing as a
volunteer instructor with the National Sports Center for the Disabled, reading,
writing, and learning. Betsy came out as a lesbian after 25 years of marriage.
She has a close relationship with her three children and four grandchildren.
Betsy says her greatest and most meaningful enjoyment comes from sharing her
life with her partner of 30 years, Gillian Edwards.

All that Jazz, by Phillip Hoyle

Jazz goes
way back in my family. Dad played piano in a dance band in the 1930s and 40s. He
played a lot of jazz and he sang. Sitting at the piano in those pre-microphone
days he’d keep the rhythm going in his left hand and sing to the dancers
through a megaphone he held in his right hand. I’m sure he never lost a beat, missed
a note, or mis-sang a word.
He played
at church where the Sunday morning service was rather formal featuring hymns
like “Holy, Holy, Holy” or “Faith of Our Fathers” or even “Faith of Our
Mothers” (yes, a special version probably for Mothers Day), but the evening
service was much less staid. Preludes then featured improvised versions of simpler
gospel hymns played by Dad and my eldest sister Lynn. They would decide who
would play organ and who piano. Each hymn was played twice, first with one
person being in charge of the melody while the other was free to improvise. On
the repeat they’d change it around. Dad always played the key changes so they
had a seamless delivery. They’d begin at, say, Number 252 and keep going until
the preacher showed up to pray and preach. They’d continue their duet
accompaniments during the congregational singing. Jazz rhythms mixed with
holiness. Mom said that sometimes in those evening gatherings the back of
Brother Lown’s neck would grow red when Dad jazzed up some particularly
vivacious song. When Dad played the church’s Hammond organ, he didn’t use the
vibrato and jazz-sounding combinations, but his improvisations were as much
influenced by Jelly Roll Morton or Fats Waller as by J. S. Bach or Franz
Schubert.
There was a
lot more jazz. There were jazz 78 rpm records ones my father had collected. We
played them over and over. Then there were LPs. As a junior high kid my
favorite album among my oldest sister’s Columbia Record Club selections was
“Ella in Berlin.” My favorite moment in the recording was when scat singing a
rather fast song Ella laughingly sang, “Oh, I almost bit my tongue that time.”
And there was more performance. My sister Lynn played piano in the school jazz
band. Eventually, when churches let in more styles, she would occasionally do
jazz stylizations on hymns and gospel songs—even Christmas hymns—and yes, in
the morning service.
My next
older sister Holly and I both sang some jazz standards. Dad taught some of them
to us. One Saturday evening we got to go with him to a dinner club to hear a
live performance. Afterwards Dad made sure we understood that although he liked
our interest in jazz we should never try to make a living in jazz. “It will
never be enough for your life,” he explained. He knew too many musicians who
had music only (well that and booze and drugs and sex), and said that wasn’t
enough.
Dad and I
would sometimes stop by the Donovan Sundries Store on a Sunday afternoon. Paul
Donovan had an organ there and occasionally played jazz for us. Being
self-taught, Paul played mostly black notes; that would be like in the key of C
Sharp or F Sharp. They fit his hand Dad explained. Sometimes Dad would play a
piece or two while Mr. Donovan filled his order for a box of condoms. (It’s
interesting what a junior high boy knows about his parents. They already had
five kids; didn’t need any more!)
In high school,
I got to sing a medley of Cole Porter songs with the school jazz band and later
with the city band. That’s how I came to know “It’s All Right with Me,” and
“You Do Something to Me.” The director liked that I sang loudly. But it was
many years later when those songs really meant something romantic for me. That
occurred when I fell in love with another man.
My son
Michael from early on had a good jazz ear and played his renditions on the
guitar. His son Evan followed suit by playing his own kind of jazz on the
piano. Then his son Kalo got the jazz fever and today plays the bass in jazz
bands, folk bands, rock bands and symphony orchestras. He is also a composer
of, among other music, jazz songs. I suppose at least one of my great grandkids
will also start jazzing it up someday. Frankly I’m looking forward to it.

I feel
lucky to live in jazzy Denver. The house sits just three blocks from live jazz
performances six nights a week. And Jim and I try never to miss hearing Larry
Wegner and CJ Nicolai when they perform at the club. I bought their CD and sent
it to my sister for her birthday. It features “I Can’t Get Started,” “Stars
Fell on Alabama,” “The Falling Leaves” (CJ sings that in French), “No Moon at
All,” “Smile,” and “The Nearness of You.” Lynn wrote back: “Dear Phillip, Thank
you for the jazz CD. The first time I played it, I was cleaning the hard[wood]
floors. After one or two songs, I was crying to the music. My Style of music! …
Now we play one song at night, to get relaxed. I think I’ll never get tired of
it.” 
© 2 January 2017
About the
Author 
Phillip Hoyle
lives in Denver and spends his time writing, painting, and socializing. In
general he keeps busy with groups of writers and artists. Following thirty-two
years in church work and fifteen in a therapeutic massage practice, he now
focuses on creating beauty. He volunteers at The Center leading the SAGE
program “Telling Your Story.”
He also blogs at artandmorebyphilhoyle.blogspot.com

Hysteria, by Gillian

The old black-and-white movie flickers and jumps. A woman screams. And laughs. And cries.

‘You’re hysterical,’ booms a strong male voice.

A strong male hand slaps the woman’s cheek. Silence; followed by a quiet sobbing.

That is hysteria in the movies.

I actually don’t think I have ever experienced that kind of hysteria; my own or anyone else’s. Perhaps it has never actually existed, outside of old movies. Or perhaps I have simply been extremely fortunate, having lived a life free of horrifying experiences which might create hysteria in myself or others.

No, I have not had to live such nightmares; but certainly I have seen them unfold on the TV. I have watched everything from terrorist attacks to mass shootings, from earthquakes and mudslides to tsunamis, hurricanes, and tornadoes. I have seen people’s response to such things. But, you know, I honestly cannot recall hysteria. People run, sometimes screaming, but that is a simple reaction to danger – the good old fight or flight response. I have seen tears: strangers enfolding each other in comforting arms, injured individuals sitting on the ground, alone and confused. That is shock and grief. It is not hysteria. Desperate people wave to helicopters from rooftops barely protruding from floodwaters. They shout for help from beneath heaps of rubble. These are people trying to save themselves. They are not hysterics. It makes little sense to me that hysteria should be encouraged by Mother Nature, anyway. She has given us an overwhelming survival instinct. We will do whatever it takes to live. Hysteria is counterproductive; it interferes with our ability to save ourselves. I’m sure it’s not listed on Mother Nature’s list of approved survival tactics.

On the other hand, a much more dangerous form of hysteria is alive and well and ever expanding, especially in recent years with the phenomenal growth of social media; mass hysteria. Until recently, this kind of group emotion was of necessity engendered in a group – a physical group of people close together, shoulder to shoulder, acting in ways none of them would have alone. The New Year’s Eve festivities downtown are great fun until a few idiots begin to egg each other on to break some windows. Before anyone realizes what is happening, dozens or even hundreds of people are heaving anything handy through windows, and the looting starts. Mass hysteria tends to lead to mass arrests. The soccer game is over and the crowds wending their way towards the stadium exits. A gang of lager-louts, till now only a little obnoxious as they react to the home team’s win or loss, begin an argument with opposing supporters. Voices get louder. Voices get angry. One man swings a fist. In seconds dozens of fists are swinging. Innocent bystanders rush for the streets. Hundreds are trampled in the panic; dozens killed and injured. And even without physical violence, hysteria is ugly. Just watch our political conventions.

Lately an even more frightening, more pervasive, form of mass hysteria has appeared, fomented by social media. An angry young man no longer needs to fly to Syria and attend a mosque frequented by violent extremists to become what we now chose to call ‘radicalized’. He can work himself into a frenzy of hatred and bigotry simply by reading what is offered in great abundance on his iPhone or laptop. He barely needs to get up off the couch. Perhaps he will never appear on any no-fly- or watch-list, but he is every bit as dangerous as those who do.

Mass hysteria is almost as scary even when involving no actual violence. These days all it takes is sound bites; Obama was not born in this country, Hillary is a crook. Repeat it often enough via all forms of social media, but particularly TV, and some of those listening will repeat it. Some of those hearing it will then repeat it, and in twenty-four hours there is this ground-swell of mass hysteria all based on a lie.

But strangely, I have observed recently, social media can create something which seems to me even stranger; almost the antithesis of hysteria. But if the opposite of hysterical is calm, this is behavior surpassing anything the word suggests to me. It is a level of denial for which I think we have no word. It seems to have appeared along with the universal inclusion of cameras in cellphones.

On the TV screen I see a man almost up to his armpits in swirling water. He holds one arm above his head, gripping his phone in his hand. Debris of all kinds swirls around him in the rising waters of Tropical Storm Sandy. He shouts breathlessly into his phone, capturing the image of himself struggling to remain upright. His commentary, as played on the television, consists mainly of beeps.

‘I’m here in bleeping New Jersey, in my own bleeping house. I’m standing in my bleeping kitchen, man. I don’t see how the bleep I’m gonna bleeping get out of here.’

He turns the camera off himself to show a jerky unfocused view from a window.

‘And over there it bleeping looks like every bleeping thing is on fire, man. How the bleeping bleeping bleep do you get bleeping fire on bleeping floods? Bleep. Bleep.

I gotta bleeping get up to the bleeping roof. Bleep … bleep ……’

After a few seconds of wildly gyrating film of ceiling and walls and water, everything goes blank and silent.

You see more and more of these death-defying shots, movies, and commentaries. People seem increasingly more interested in capturing their own images for posterity than in saving their own lives. Mother Nature must be very confused and frustrated!

Or perhaps she’s happy to see them go, cleansing the gene pool.

My very favorite so far, and I say so far because I reluctantly doubt that this new phenomenon is going away, is a still shot of a young woman in a bikini who obviously waited for the perfect moment to get a selfie as the tsunami waves broke through the windows behind her.

What is wrong with these people? I have no training as a psychologist, but I’m not too sure that your average shrink understands why people act this way, though there is, doubtless, at this very moment, at least one Ph.D student studying the topic.

Apparently the two people I have just described must somehow have survived. We have the content of their presumably intact phones. But how many, I have to wonder, have died in the grip of this strange ‘anti-hysteria’? I am starting to think that a good old-movie style face-slapping bout of hysterics might look downright healthy.

© August 2016

About the Author

I was born and raised in England. After graduation from college there, I moved to the U.S. and, having discovered Colorado, never left. I have lived in the Denver-Boulder area since 1965, working for 30 years at IBM. I married, raised four stepchildren, then got divorced after finally, in my forties, accepting myself as a lesbian. I have been with my wonderful partner Betsy for thirty years. We have been married since 2013.

Birthdays, by Gillian

The only problem with birthdays is, there are waaaay too many of them; both vertically and horizontally, if you get my drift.

Vertically, the number is ever-increasing because the average longevity is ever-increasing, at least in what we choose to call the ‘developed’ countries. But the overall world life expectancy has also risen. According to my favorite go-to website, Wikipedia, worldwide life expectancy has risen dramatically just in our lifetime, from 48 in 1950 to 67 in 2010. Since 1900, when it stood at 31 – well, you can do the math – it has more than doubled. In short, many lives are enjoying way too many birthdays.

Horizontally, there are many more humans to enjoy this increasing number of birthdays; exponentially more. Not quite in our own lifetimes, but between 1900 and 2000, the world population increased from 1.5 billion to over 6 billion; in one hundred years an increase three times greater than the entire previous history of humanity. The graph depicting this is an amazing picture.


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Longevity

But I took a break from writing this and now it is November 9th 2016. The day after Election Day. Two days after my birthday, so I’m happy to say I was able to enjoy the anniversary of my birth before disaster struck.

Today I feel nauseated, have a pounding headache, and cannot stop crying. How did this terrible thing happen? I remind myself that Clinton won the popular vote, but much good that does. I remind myself that, with almost half of all eligible voters not voting, and half of those who did vote voting for Hilary, Trump voters comprise only 25% of the eligible voters of this country. But much good that does.

My next birthday will be my 75th – a kind of semi-significant milestone. I wonder what horrors will have befallen us all by then. I fear for myself, for our country, and for the world. I am not alone. My cousin in London e-mails that she is ‘deep in the slough of despond’ which, I reply, is a mighty crowded place about now.

Now it is Sunday the 13th. On Friday evening, Betsy and I went to the usual Friendly Friday gathering of our HOA. Officially we had ended Friendly Fridays for the year when we put back the clocks, but many of us felt a particular need for comfort this week, so planned one more.

One of our neighbors was handing out safety pins, and introduced us to the Safety Pin Movement. Here at least is something we all can do now, with minimal effort and cost, to show solidarity with each other – all of us in fear from Trump’s promised oppressions.

According to a post on Twitter, here is what the safety pin signifies – the message it sends to those who see you wear it.
If you wear a hijab, I’ll sit with you on the train.
If you are trans I will go to the bathroom with you.
If you’re a person of color, I’ll stand with you if the cops stop you.
If you’re a person with disabilities, I’ll hand you my megaphone.
If you’re an immigrant, I’ll help you find resources.
If you are a survivor, I’ll believe you.
If you’re a refugee, I’ll make you welcome.
If you’re a veteran, I’ll take up your fight.
If you’re LGBTQ, I won’t let anyone tell you you are broken.
If you are a woman, I’ll make sure you get home OK.
If you’re tired, me too.
If you need a hug, I’ve got an infinite supply.
If you need me, I’ll be with you.
All I ask is that you be with me, too.

I have never before thought of the safety pin as a great weapon, but perhaps at this moment it is.

It is at least one small, non-combative, way to begin to push back.

Otherwise, all we have is the popular misquote of Tiny Tim at the close of Charles Dickens’s A Christmas Carol –

God help us, every one.

© November 2016

About the Author

I was born and raised in England. After graduation from college there, I moved to the U.S. and, having discovered Colorado, never left. I have lived in the Denver-Boulder area since 1965, working for 30 years at IBM. I married, raised four stepchildren, then got divorced after finally, in my forties, accepting myself as a lesbian. I have been with my wonderful partner Betsy for thirty years. We have been married since 2013.

Mud, by Ricky

It is 11pm as I begin typing this and I am tired and sleepy. As a result, my mind is all muddled up. My eyelids are very heavy. Apparently, the Sand Man is using mud in my eyes instead of sand. This makes me feel muddy all over. Now I know what Stephen means when he says he feels, “Fair to muddling.”

I know a man who thinks he “knows it all”. I know a man who was awarded a non-medical PhD and likes people to call him by the title “Doctor”. I know a man who when he begins to talk will monopolize the conversation. I know a man who will tell you everything he knows about a subject without giving anyone else a chance to speak about the topic. I know a man who is so careless in speech that he insults people over the phone and then gets upset when they hang-up on him. I know a man who denies facts that contradict his closely held political beliefs. I know a man who believes it is perfectly okay for the wealthy to use their political contributions to buy access to politicians in order to corrupt the democratic form of government and gain more personal wealth. I know a man who believes it is okay for the poor to be poor, because, he says, “Jesus said the poor will always be with you.” I know a man who thinks Rush Limpbrain is a soothsayer. — I know a Republican. — His name is Mud.

I also know a Republican who is very caring, sensitive, generous with his money, handsome, and intelligent. — His name is Mud-lite.

© 4 October 2015

About the Author

I was born in June of 1948 in Los Angeles, living first in Lawndale and then in Redondo Beach. Just prior to turning 8 years old in 1956, I began living with my grandparents on their farm in Isanti County, Minnesota for two years during which time my parents divorced.

When united with my mother and stepfather two years later in 1958, I lived first at Emerald Bay and then at South Lake Tahoe, California, graduating from South Tahoe High School in 1966. After three tours of duty with the Air Force, I moved to Denver, Colorado where I lived with my wife and four children until her passing away from complications of breast cancer four days after the 9-11 terrorist attack.

I came out as a gay man in the summer of 2010. I find writing these memories to be therapeutic.

My story blog is TheTahoeBoy.Blogspot.com

Self Acceptance, by Louis Brown

Amazons, Nose-Job, and Varicose Veins

This prompt will most likely inspire certain people to say something like, “I did not know I was gay until I was 50 years old or 60 years old.” To many people, that reaction sounds unbelievable and preposterous. I am from New York City, but I do believe these people. Our society used to keep telling us that gay people do not exist. Women never kiss women, and certainly men never kiss men. So many people assumed that that must be true. That is why large numbers of gay people used to go through life not really knowing who they were, as fantastic as that may seem.

Personally, I did not have that option. When I was in the 8th grade in elementary school and a year later as a freshman in high school, although my parents had no idea, certain street people knew I was gay. If you went to any high school in those days in New York City, you were not safe unless you had protection from a gang. I was approached by the head of the girls’ gang who told me something like, “You’re a faggot so you are going to be constantly assaulted by the toughs. Join our gang, and you will not have to worry. We know how to fight.” They called themselves the Amazons and they prided themselves on their really long fingernails that they painted meticulously with vivid red nail polish. They told me that those were their weapons. They did in fact assault and neutralize a large number of male toughs. I was safe.

I occasionally had to attend Amazon meetings. I am proud to say that, once, when they said they wanted to assault a bookish Jewish boy, I pleaded with them not to, and they didn’t. On another occasion, they wanted to assault a pretty, extremely passive, soft-spoken girl named Monica. I pleaded with them not to. So they didn’t.

So, to survive, I had to accept who I was at an early age.

About 12 years after that, I was applying for a job that required me to get interviewed by a psychologist who happened to be a woman. I spoke with her for a few minutes before she read my application. After a while, I told her yes I was gay, and I wondered if she could tell by talking to me. She said she could not tell, in fact she would not have guessed so. The psychologist assured me that she was not the one doing the actual hiring and that their company did not have an anti-gay hiring policy so that I need not worry. I did not get the job, gee I wonder why.

My point is that, if you contrast what the Amazons knew about me right away, right off the bat, and what the trained psychologist could not even guess at, what is going on? I guess sometimes street people are just more insightful in judging people than the so-called professionals.

Two examples of what I did not accept about my own body. When I was say 12 years old, a high-flying baseball came right at my face and hit me in the nose. I bled, but my parents did not take me to the doctor. That is one reason I am not a baseball enthusiast, never will be. I would prefer a sewing class any day. I had a bruise on my nose for a while, but a few years later I realized my nose was off-center, and I had to breathe through my mouth.

I was being harassed at the office, so I said to myself this is a good time to take a month or two off and get a nose job. I went to the Plastic Surgery Department of New York Hospital, and made an appointment. I had to go two or three times in advance to make sure I was physically a good candidate for surgery. They said I was. When I was talking privately with the nurse, she told me I lucked out. My plastic surgeon was going to be a famous Italian plastic surgeon who has reworked the faces of several Hollywood actresses and actors.

On the day of the surgery, I took the anesthesia, but, when I woke up, I barfed. I only stayed a day or so longer in the hospital. I had large dark purple bruises that covered my nose and the areas around my eyes. I looked like a raccoon. I could not go out in public, so I stayed with my brother Charlie in Flushing New York. After about a week I bought a pair of sunglasses with enormous lenses. When I wore them, I could go out and resumed my daily routines.

After that surgery, I was able to breathe through my nose and was more aware of my septum and sinuses. Where there used to be bone and cartilage, now there was a large, comfortable cavity.

About 15 years ago, I noticed I was getting a lot of varicose veins on my left leg. I thought to myself, don’t pregnant women get varicose veins when they are having some medical problem? Why me? Men do not get varicose veins. After the embarrassment phase was over, I went to the cardiovascular department of New York Hospital, got an appointment for an evaluation, and they said yes to surgery.

This consisted of me lying on my right side with a sort of leaden blanket to cover me up above the waist and my right leg. They anesthetized my left leg so that it was numb, then they zapped me with an electric current in several different locations, i.e. they stuck in needles to conduct the electricity. A couple of weeks after the surgery all the varicose veins were gone. Amazing.

So now with my nose job and my freedom from varicose veins, I accept myself.

P. S.: New York Hospital, unfortunately, no longer has the liberal policy of letting any one walk in to their buildings to set up medical procedures such as surgery. What if an elderly person wanted a varicosectomy operation in Denver? What happens?


© 7 December 2016

About the Author

I was born in 1944, I lived most of my life in New York City, Queens County. I still commute there. I worked for many years as a Caseworker for New York City Human Resources Administration, dealing with mentally impaired clients, then as a social work Supervisor dealing with homeless PWA’s. I have an apartment in Wheat Ridge, CO. I retired in 2002. I have a few interesting stories to tell. My boyfriend Kevin lives in New York City. I graduated Queens College, CUNY, in 1967.

Believing with Hair, by Ricky

Is there any harm in believing in a higher power whether or not labeled as: Allah, God, Wotan, Zeus, Jove, Deity, Great Spirit, Supreme Being, El, Elohim, Ehyeh, Elah, El Shaddah, Elyon, YHWH, I Am, Yahweh, Adonai, Halakha, Jehovah, HaShem, Ihuh, Ho Theos, Ho Kurios, Jesus Christ, Hæland, Heiland, Alpha and Omega, The Light, King of Kings, Lord of Hosts, Ancient of Days, Father/Abba, God the Father, Heavenly Father, Father in Heaven, Nkosi, Jah Rastafari, Olodumare, Khoda, Ar-Rahman, Bahá, Dieu, and Dios? (Refer to: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Names_of_God for additional names.) How could there be harm in believing in such? If there is no higher power, then when we die there will be nothing more. If there is a higher power, then when we die we will continue in one form or another independent of one’s beliefs. If believing in a higher power gives one comfort or motivation to become a better person, then believe. One’s belief won’t interfere with another’s non-belief.

Believing in a higher power allows all of the world’s human societies and cultures to live according to respective sets of behavior that are beneficial to survival and cooperative peaceful coexistence. It allows us all to get along with each other peacefully, if we so choose. Without a higher power to provide absolutely correct principles of behavior, we would be living in an environment of “every human for himself”, the so called law-of-the-jungle. (Oh wait. That is nearly how we live now. Why is that?)

Where harm succeeds in inserting itself into the world of human behavior, it is not caused by a higher power, but the result of humans inserting personal thoughts, analysis, prejudices, desires, and self-righteous noses into other humans’ pursuit of happiness. Just because persons of great wealth, like Mr. Trump and the Koch brothers, have or control all the gold, does not give them the right to make rules for everyone else to obey. They are not the higher power and have no right to redefine the Golden Rule to suit themselves.

While a belief in a higher power was used to manipulate groups of humans to commit massive amounts of violence against others in the past, which continues to this day, the belief in a beneficent higher power is also used to organize humans to create abundant beauty and to lead peaceful and productive lives. I believe in doing and being good. I hope to continue until I move on to another “plane of existence.”

I also believe in the commercial properties of hare. The fur of a hare can be made into a covering for the hairless. This ends the topic of hare as any ideas I come up with just keep hopping out of my mind and off the printed page.

© 25 January 2016

About the Author

I was born in June of 1948 in Los Angeles, living first in Lawndale and then in Redondo Beach. Just prior to turning 8 years old in 1956, I began living with my grandparents on their farm in Isanti County, Minnesota for two years during which time my parents divorced.

When united with my mother and stepfather two years later in 1958, I lived first at Emerald Bay and then at South Lake Tahoe, California, graduating from South Tahoe High School in 1966. After three tours of duty with the Air Force, I moved to Denver, Colorado where I lived with my wife and four children until her passing away from complications of breast cancer four days after the 9-11 terrorist attack.

I came out as a gay man in the summer of 2010. I find writing these memories to be therapeutic.

My story blog is TheTahoeBoy.Blogspot.com