gay liberation – Sage Telling Your Story

I saw that today’s topic was actually Dancing with the Stars. I am aware that this is the name of a long-standing television series of the same name that I think involves teams of contestants in competitive-dancing with often B-grade celebrities. And I must admit I have never watched a single minute of this show and I mean no offense to anyone who enjoys it. Really how can somewhat like me who is addicted to reruns of The Big Bang Theory and the Golden Girls throw shade at anyone else’s TV viewing habits?

I could I suppose make a big stretch and turn ‘dancing with the stars’ into a metaphor for one of my past particularly enjoyable LSD adventures but instead I’ll write a few lines on last week’s topic: My First GLBT Acquaintance. Let me say right out of the box I have no idea who my first real GLBT acquaintance was since like all of us of a certain age I was birthed into the stifling cauldron of a falsely presumed heterosexual universe. We were in many ways unrecognizable to one another until we demanded to be called by our real names. A nearly universal experience we all relate to was the question of whether or not we were alone asking “am I the only one who is this way”. Our first acquaintance would I hope for most of us be a glorious answer to that question.

As I was writing this and had Pandora playing in the background I was unaware of any tune until Lou Reed’s masterpiece Walk on the Wild Side just came on. Released in 1972 this opus chronicles the adventures of a cast of characters all headed to New York City and a ‘walk on the wild side’.

I would take the liberty to say that through transexuality, drug use, male prostitution and oral sex they may have all been looking for and perhaps found that first GLBT acquaintance. Holly, Candy, Little Joe, Sugar Plum Fairy and Jackie all seem to have been based on real people from Reed’s life in NYC back then. All of whom I would say were very queer people.

We were fortunate in this SAGE Story Telling Group to get a glimpse of this albeit dangerous but deliciously exciting world Reed describes in his song through the frequent writings of a dear friend who died recently. As he related to us on several occasions his walks on the wild side started in the tearooms of downtown Denver department stores but would eventually be played out most emphatically on the streets of NYC. He often honestly provided glimpses into this world, that like it or not, is an integral part of our collective and frequently personal queer history. Thank you, dear friend!

For the sake of this piece I am going to say that “acquaintance” implies a mutual recognition that we are both queer as three-dollar bills. When using this definition the task of identifying my first acquaintance is much easier. This first person I suppose also represents my own personal “walk on the wild side”. As I have written about on previous occasions this ‘acquaintance” was a man 20 years my senior who I had been passive-aggressively courting for a year. We took a real ‘walk on the wild side’ and had sex (my first!) in the biology lab of my Catholic High School festooned with crucifixes on the wall. It was Easter week and I was a soon to graduate Senior. I am eternally in debt to this man for launching in very loving fashion my great ongoing gay adventure.

If there has been one thing that our liberation efforts the past century have provided it is that many but certainly not all new ‘recruits’ to the queer world do not have to have that first acquaintance involve a ‘walk on the wild side’. The fruits of success I suppose though work remains to be done and for some us perhaps a sense of nostalgia for a long gone but often very exciting times.

About the Author

I was born in La Porte, Indiana in 1949, raised on a farm and schooled by Holy Cross nuns. The bulk of my adult life, some 40 plus years, was spent in Denver, Colorado as a nurse, gardener and gay/AIDS activist. I have currently returned to Denver after an extended sabbatical in San Francisco, California.

Growing up
I had no GLBT hopes. I had no idea what those initials represented; no idea
that the concepts and rich human experiences behind them had anything to do
with me. I didn’t feel hopeless. I was simply clueless.

In my early
twenties I came to hear and understand a little about the beginnings of the gay
liberation movement. I had taken great interest in the African American
movements, had begun to read about the feminist movement, and realized I needed
to know more about all such movements. I had very generalized hopes for all of
them, for the securing of civil rights for all Americans under law regardless
of race, gender, sex, education, and a number of other differences that left
them susceptible to many injustices. I saw how churches as well as the general
community were unjust towards minorities. I had hopes for a better America and
for better American churches.

For myself
I had believed in the idea that you grew up, got educated, got married, reared
children, and in my case served churches through your ministry. Since I was on
route to become a minister, I accepted I would have to toe the line on some
things that others in the congregation might not find necessary. Life was good.
Whatever LGBT hopes I had were for others.

At the
point when I accepted that homosexuality was right at the center of who I was,
I hoped that my wife might find herself to be lesbian. We could then work out a
special arrangement to continue living together. It didn’t happen. I assumed I
would always be married and hoped I would never to go too far in satisfying my
homosexual needs. I didn’t want to change the trajectory of my life.

Midlife
took care of that for me. I was changing emotionally. I had no doubt that I
loved my wife or that she loved me. I wanted a man to love me; I wanted to love
a man. When I realized I was going to become the bad husband and a bad
minister, I changed both roles. I was hurting my wife. I didn’t want to do so.
We talked but there was so much emotion—so many emotions—we didn’t know what to
do. Our settlement settled little. We did separate. I bore the responsibility
before our families. We said goodbye with a kiss and tears.

Within a
month I had GLBT hopes. Lots of them: to finish my job obligation; to move to
one of three western American cities; to live openly as a gay man. For twenty
years I had considered myself bisexual. Now I was going to simplify my life.

My gay hope
was to learn just what gay would mean for me. First though some other things
would take my attention: getting work for income, writing, and dedicating lots
of time to the visual arts. I began writing episodes from my life and then
writing about my new work: massage. A new gay hope emerged: to write up my gay
life experiences. Before long I was pleased to find myself loving a man who
loved me. I hoped we’d have lots of time together. He died from AIDS. Then I
grieved a true GLBT grief. During this time I was careful with myself. I stayed
busy with my work. I was still engaged as a gay man. I wrote about the loss of
my gay partner. It was a sequel to one I had written a couple of years earlier when
a gay friend had died from AIDS. (The two pieces may be my best writing to
date.)

Then I met
a gay daydream at a bus stop in my neighborhood. Our love blossomed. Then he
died. I sagged. Still I wrote and realized I would write much more about my gay
experiences. My arts kept me hopeful.

A straight
woman friend of mine told me about the SAGE of the Rockies Telling Your Story.
I attended wondering how my writing would be heard by a truly GLBT audience. It
was like a gay hope come true. From this ever-changing group of storytellers
that offers ever-changing and sometimes emotion-blowing perspectives, I have
clarified my new GLBT Hopes:

I now hope
that GLBT (etc.) folk will all someday take time to hear one another’s stories.
There is no better way to come to know oneself than to hear the stories of
others, no better way to be inspired than to hear the experiences of another
person you know more than superficially. I hope that those stories will also
become of interest to other humans—you know like those who claim to be straight
or heterosexual or some other category. I want this latter so they can see how
little different are all people.

I hope that
GLBTs will always vote mindfully in local, state, and national elections.

I hope that
LGBTs will come to appreciate and respect one another as much as we want others
to honor and respect us.

About the Author

Phillip Hoyle
lives in Denver and spends his time writing, painting, and socializing. In
general he keeps busy with groups of writers and artists. Following thirty-two
years in church work and fifteen in a therapeutic massage practice, he now
focuses on creating beauty. He volunteers at The Center leading the SAGE
program “Telling Your Story.”

He also blogs at artandmorebyphilhoyle.blogspot.com

Tag: gay liberation

My First GLBT Acquaintance, by Pat Gourley

About the Author

GLBT Hopes, by Phillip Hoyle