Tag: homophobia

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Depressed, by Will Stanton

Homophobia, fear, hate, ignorance, and stupidity. Tragically, there still are hate-mongers such as Pastor Steven Anderson of the Faithful Word Baptist Church in Tempe, Arizona, who publicly rants and raves that all homosexuals must be rounded up and executed. No gays should be allowed to live; “The Bible says so!” I felt sickened when I saw in November, 2015, that Republican presidential candidates Ted Cruz, Mike Huckabee, and Bobby Jindal agreed to participate in one of Anderson’s hate conferences. Too many people agree with them.

Thank God, such insane hate and ignorance appears to be diminishing among younger Americans, at least among the more educated and cosmopolitan ones. Even the Supreme Court squeaked by with a five-to-four decision to treat gays equally in marriage, despite unlawful resistance by hypocritical Christians such as the Kentucky county clerk Davis, supported by Huckabee, who refused to issue marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples.

The idea that so many ignoramuses staunchly believe that personal religious delusions override the U.S. Constitution’s guarantee of equal rights and separation of church and state is astonishing and depressing. I have noticed also that such people as that county clerk appear to have absolutely no awareness of the concepts of irony and hypocrisy – – in her case, committing adultery, having children out of wedlock with her third lover, yet having her second lover adopt the children, then marrying yet a fourth man. I suppose that none of this counts because “Jesus has forgiven her.” Many Christians ignore her transgressions.

That silver-tongued serpent Huckabee, who as a former governor, should know better than to employ his well practiced verbal skills to exacerbate the situation by lending his supposed authority to the clerk’s bogus claims. Also, those opportunistic lawyers pretending that there is legal standing to the clerk’s claims is an abuse of the Constitution and the legal system.

I hope the situation is improving in the general population, at least in the areas of the nation that are not so backward. In our time, two generations ago, otherwise even decent people, through ignorance, tended to lack understanding and acceptance of gays. There was so much fear and rejection. So many LGBT adults spent many years feeling isolated, lonely, unfulfilled, depressed. This obviously was especially hard on young people, struggling to come to terms with their own orientation and need for friendship and love.

In my hometown, there was a successful, upper-middle-class man who had built a lovely modern home in one of the better parts of town. I remember my classmate’s mother telling him to stay away from that house because a very bad man lived there. What was so evil was that the man was deeply enamored with youth and beauty, which led him into a ill-fated situation. The laws of that time still are on the books in this country that an adult may not have relations with a seventeen-year-old. Yes, I know seventeen is legal in Britain, and even sixteen is legal in France, however, not in America. He was well aware that he was risking fate entertaining seventeen-year-olds in his home.

Naturally, young guys potentially are less trust-worthy because of their immaturity and relative inexperience. So inevitably, one of them talked. The police came to the house and placed him under arrest. A court date was set, and he was released on bond.

Word rapidly spread among the townspeople about this “shockingly evil man.” The man’s whole life fell apart. He knew what his fate would be in the courts and subsequently in prison. He fell into a deep depression. He felt helpless, hopeless, and that his life had come to an end. So, he put a hose into the tailpipe of his car, turned on the engine, and committed suicide. It was reported in the newspapers, which probably satisfied the readers’ enjoyment of local scandal. I can just imagine that many people probably said, “Good riddance!”

Man feeling despair

With young people, statistically more gays commit suicide than straight kids. Remember also that teens, in general, tend to be more emotional than rational. Some emotional upsets may seem to be “the end of the world.” They may too easily think that life is just not worth living.

In one high school, not far from where I lived, one teenager, who was straight, generally was regarded as the most popular boy in school, and with good reason. Sometimes, it appears that some people “have it all” – – extraordinary good looks, intelligence, charismatic personality, athleticism, you name it. Naturally, probably all the girls in school fawned all over him, each one hoping to be chosen as his girlfriend. Inevitably, there always is the possibility that a few boys have similar dreams, too. There was one boy who did become obsessed with his idol.

Out of desperation, the gay teen approached his idol and, best as he could, presented his case for their becoming close friends, perhaps even becoming intimate. I frankly do not know whether the straight boy truly harbored hateful feelings toward gays or, instead, if he merely was frightened of what others might think of him if he hung around this school pariah. Either way, his rejection was humiliating. The gay teen felt absolutely crushed. His despair and depression increased to the point that he felt that life was not worth living. He thought, however, that he would leave this world demonstrating to his never-to-be love the depth of his love and the worthlessness of his life without love.

Quite often when persons contemplating suicide make the final decision, they ironically lose their sense of impotence and inaction; for they now have a plan. This was the case with the gay teen. He made sure the object of his love was home, then drove over to his house. He honked his horn to draw attention. The straight boy came out onto the porch and saw him sitting in his car. Certain that his love was watching, the teen put a shotgun to his head and pulled the trigger.

That horrifying incident was so tragic. A young life lost. Yet, can you also imagine the impact of that terrible scene upon the straight kid? What did that experience do to him? It is safe to say that this trauma would remain in his memory to the end of his days. We here in this room can feel the pain of this tragic story. Unfortunately, however, there probably still are many people who might say, “Good riddance.”

Boy who feels that life is not
worth living.

© 2015

About the Author

I have had a life-long fascination with people and their life stories. I also realize that, although my own life has not brought me particular fame or fortune, I too have had some noteworthy experiences and, at times, unusual ones. Since I joined this Story Time group, I have derived pleasure and satisfaction participating in the group. I do put some thought and effort into my stories, and I hope that you find them interesting.

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Alas, Poor Homophobes by Lewis

An Open Letter to Universal Haters Everywhere

These are the times that try men’s souls–at the very least those souls, male or female, whose salvation depends upon making other souls miserable. It must seem to you that the very forces of human progress are aligned against you, that every cause toward which you have given the last full measure of your devotion has almost overnight become politically incorrect. You must long for the day when it was acceptable to denigrate kikes, wops, niggers, slopes and whatever minority whose presence in your consciousness caused you so much consternation in the past. Then along came Nazi Germany and Martin Luther King, Jr. and, before you could shake a faggot at it, tolerance began to creep into American society. (Strange that 300 years of Christian dogma wasn’t doing the trick.)

It must have been quite an adjustment, having to look for new subjects toward which to direct your righteous anger for all that’s unfair in this life. All the easy-to-spot suspects were becoming off limits–the odd-colored skin, the funny dress, the strange accent.

So, it must have seemed that Providence smiled on you once again when you realized that, if you looked closely enough, you could actually spot a queer by his or her manner of dress or lisp or limp wrists. Unlike your earlier victims who could barely conceal their differences, queers often were terrified of being “found out”. They thought they could mix with ordinary people and kind of blend in. That idea must have really pissed you off. I mean, if they could pass for straight, didn’t that mean that someone might mistake you for a queer? No, there was only one way that you could clearly demonstrate that you were a manly man–bash, ridicule and call out queers whenever and wherever you found them.

What a blessing it must have been for you when AIDS came along. Not only did the disease become a litmus test for being queer, it thinned their ranks so you didn’t have to bother so much. I’m sure that made you feel quite smug. I could almost hear you saying, “What goes around, comes around”.

It must have felt good to put yourself in the position of being a champion for the sacred institution of marriage against the attempts of perverts to infiltrate the institution, even as the divorce rate was skyrocketing. One of your most memorable victories was the nobly-named “Defense of Marriage Act”, which scolded those states that dared grant full legal recognition of same-sex unions.

But here it is nearly 20-years later and the U.S. Supreme Court is almost certain to rule by the end of the month that gay people are deserving of the same equal protection and due process under the Constitution as anybody else, including you. I’ll bet that really gets your goat. Who would have thought such a thing could happen so quickly?

You must have shuddered recently when Wal-Mart threatened economic reprisals against states that passed so-called Freedom of Religion laws that would sanction faith-based bigotry against gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered folk. (I doubt that you can read that last sentence without gagging mentally but I thought the acronym, glbt, might be mistaken for a typo.)

“What happened to my country?” you might rightfully ask. Well, the answer is pretty simple, really. It’s the same thing that happens whenever two human beings have the inclination and the time to get to know one another before the labeling starts. It’s what happens when commonality overwhelms tribalism. It’s what happens when reality trumps preconception. The Jew, the gay, the black you know can’t always be the exception. In fact, they’re almost always never are the exception. Anne Frank may have said it best when she wrote in her remarkable diary–

“It’s a wonder I haven’t abandoned all my ideals, they seem so absurd and impractical. Yet I cling to them because I still believe, in spite of everything, that people are truly good at heart. It’s utterly impossible for me to build my life on a foundation of chaos, suffering and death.”

Freedom and dignity cannot be hoarded, like money. They are the birthright of every person. At least that’s the way it is supposed to be here in America. You cannot make yourself more free by denying anyone else their freedom. It’s not theirs to give away and it’s not yours to take. It is not yours to say whom I shall I love any more than you can deny me the same air you breathe. It’s not a sacrifice at all. In fact, you won’t even notice the difference. Once you let this sink in, however, you may notice something else is different. You may find yourself walking with a bit lighter step. And that would be good not only for your feet but for your heart as well.

© 15 June 2015

About the Author

I came to the beautiful state of Colorado out of my native Kansas by way of Michigan, the state where I married and I came to the beautiful state of Colorado out of my native Kansas by way of Michigan, the state where I married and had two children while working as an engineer for the Ford Motor Company. I was married to a wonderful woman for 26 happy years and suddenly realized that life was passing me by. I figured that I should make a change, as our offspring were basically on their own and I wasn’t getting any younger. Luckily, a very attractive and personable man just happened to be crossing my path at that time, so the change-over was both fortuitous and smooth. Soon after, I retired and we moved to Denver, my husband’s home town. He passed away after 13 blissful years together in October of 2012. I am left to find a new path to fulfillment. One possibility is through writing. Thank goodness, the SAGE Creative Writing Group was there to light the way.

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What Makes Homophobes Tick? by Will Stanton

Well well well! What we have suspected about homophobes is true. To paraphrase Shakespeare from “Hamlet,” “The homophobes protest too much, methinks.” Understandably, what makes people “tick” always is a multifactorial answer…their inborn natures, their learned behaviors from their parental upbringing, the social environment in which they live, church dogma, influence from school friends, and many other experiences. Recent research also shows that brain-structure has something to do with it. Significantly, research now also shows that, frequently, people who express hate toward gays are in fear of their own, inner feelings. That fear leads to denial of their own natures, verbal expressions of intolerance or hate, and unfortunately too often, violence. We can laugh at people’s hypocrisy; however, too often they do damage to others before they are exposed.

Ted Haggard, the evangelical mega-church leader who preached that homosexuality was a sin, resigned after a scandal involving a former male prostitute. Republican United States Senator Larry Craig opposed including sexual orientation in hate-crime legislation, yet he was arrested on suspicion of propositioning someone in a men’s bathroom. Republican Congressman from Florida Mark Foley, Chairman of the House Caucus on Missing and Exploited Children, favored strengthening the sanctions against inappropriate behavior with congressional pages; yet that’s exactly what he was accused of. Then Republican Congressman Jim Kolbe was accused of engaging in improper conduct with two youths. Glenn Murphy Jr., a leader of the Young Republican National Convention and an opponent of same-sex marriage, pleaded guilty to a lesser charge after being accused of sexually assaulting another man. I could list many more. Apparently, it is hardly unusual for someone who describes himself as having “conservative values” and as being a member of the “moral majority” to have desires that he denies but engages in behavior that he loudly condemns.

As early as the era of famous Sigmund Freud, psychologists theorized that shame and fear regarding one’s own homosexual urges can be expressed as homophobia. Freud described this phenomenon as “reactions formation.” Since then, there have been several remarkable laboratory studies that confirm this theory.

The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology had a revealing article by Henry E. Adams, Lester W. Wright, and Bethany A. Lohr of the University of Georgia. They used sixty-four subjects, all young men who claimed to be exclusively heterosexual. To begin with, they were assigned to groups on the basis of their scores on the Index of Homophobia (W. W. Hudson & W. A. Ricketts, 1980). Twenty-nine expressed no homophobia; thirty-five expressed homophobia. Then each group was given the Aggression Questionnaire, created by A.H. Buss and M. Perry in 1992, to compare the subjects’ natural tendency toward generalized aggression. There was no difference in those results; aggressiveness is not the source of homophobia.

Then each group was shown two different series of erotic videos. All the subjects were wired to monitor responses, including pineal arousal. When shown videos of heterosexual love-making, the resulting graph showed some gradual increase in arousal among the homophobes but a greater degree of arousal among those who were not. Then when each group was shown videos of homosexual love-making, the non-homophobic group showed a degree of arousal; however, the homophobes’ graph showed a greater degree of arousal.

When homophobes express their fear and shame by verbally abusing gays, lesbians, or transgendered people, that can cause serious harm to the victims. Victims might be emotionally scarred for life. Or worse, the victims may feel driven to suicide. A greater percentage of bullied or depressed gay youths than straight kids commit suicide. Jamey Rodemeyer was a gay teenager who tried to lead an open life and to not hide his orientation. He also felt strongly enough about gay rights to be an activist and to post videos on YouTube, trying to help victims of homophobic bullying. Unfortunately, there was only so much bullying that he himself could tolerate, and he committed suicide at age fourteen.

Jamey Rodemeyer (21 Mar 1997 – 18 Sep 2011)

Suicide of Jamey Rodemeyer

The news, from time to time, reports beatings and murders of gays. Even in my hometown, a trucker, who had a teen in his truck cab for sex, beat the “living daylights” out of the boy just to prove to himself that the trucker really was straight. Another young gay was shot dead at a rest-stop just outside of town. And, we all have become familiar with poor Matthew Shepard, the University of Wyoming student, who was tied to a prairie fence and beaten so badly that, after several days of suffering, he died. I find it very hard to understand the level of hate and violence that so many people are prone to. What ever happened to “Love thy neighbor”?

Matthew Shepard (1 Dec 1976 – 12 Oct 1998)

Matthew Shepard Biography

Homophobia certainly is not limited to our own country. Russia recently has gained further notoriety by passing anti-gay laws and by allowing young toughs to lure young gays to bogus rendezvous and then severely beating them while filming the atrocity. Even some conservative U.S. senators have encouraged the Uganda government (as though their government needed any encouragement) to pass laws that could put gays into prison for life or even to execute them. The proposed bill stated that straight friends and family who did not turn in gays to the authorities could, themselves, be jailed for three years. One ultra-conservative, American senator is reported to have told the Ugandans that the U.S. had failed to stop the spread of homosexuality, but it was not too late for Uganda to stop it.

Fortunately in our country with the passage of time, with greater understanding among young people, and gradually fewer narrow minded people as they die off, the U.S. appears to be becoming better informed, more tolerant, and more open. Fewer people are “living in the closet” in fear and shame. Perhaps fewer will try to prove how tough and straight they are by attacking their own kind. Although the causes of homophobia will continue to exist, I hope that we will have far fewer people afflicted with that disease. We must continue to work toward a cure for homophobia.

13 February 2015

About the Author

I have had a life-long fascination with people and their life stories. I also realize that, although my own life has not brought me particular fame or fortune, I too have had some noteworthy experiences and, at times, unusual ones. Since I joined this Story Time group, I have derived pleasure and satisfaction participating in the group. I do put some thought and effort into my stories, and I hope that you find them interesting.

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Dreams by Gail Klock

          As she strolled confidently past our
car on that warm summer day I was struck by her beauty, inside and out. It’s
been at least twenty years since our eyes met as she graced me with her
heartwarming smile. I still think of her…I dream of having her spirit.
Twenty
years ago having the self-assurance of this transvestite was beyond my being,
but not beyond my dreams. I had some major internalized homophobia to overcome.
Let me digress a little, well maybe more than a little, to my nascent years as a
lesbian.  Growing up in the fifties and
sixties, and yes, in the seventies and eighties meant dealing with many
negative thoughts about who I was as a sexual person, as a person who chose a
lifelong mate of the same gender.
As
a high school student the closest term to homosexual I ever heard was
fairy.  In the deprecating way it was
used in hallway talk, “if you wear green and yellow on Thursdays everyone will
know you are a fairy,” told me this conversation was not about wee little
sprites of the enchanted forests. Out of some undisclosed  shame I knew to wear orange, blue, lavender,
anything but green and yellow on Thursdays.
In
my freshman year of college I had my first sexual/emotional encounter with
another woman. She was older and much more experienced in such matters. I can
still vividly recall the warmth and excitement I felt when we secretly held
hands in her car. I also remember when I spontaneously exclaimed, “Oh my God,
it’s not fair, it’s not fair, when she demonstrated her sexuality by reaching
out and touching my breast. My fear of identifying myself as a lesbian ended
this relationship quickly but not those insistent feelings of attraction to
women.
          Innocent back massages, which slowly
and delightfully crept to more erotic areas, began my sophomore year with my
second girlfriend. A self-awareness was also beginning to surface that I had never
felt this way with the nice, good looking men I was dating. Through-out the
three years of this relationship I began internalizing homophobia. All of my available
resources to help me figure out who I was were creating a sense of self-loathing.
The books and movies of the time, when they dared create a theme of homosexuality,
either ended with the woman leaving her female lover as soon as a man entered
the picture or contained characters who were so miserable they said lines I
could relate to all too easily such as, ‘I’m tired of living and scared of
dying”. At the same time many of the conversations I had with my girlfriend were
about the men we would meet and marry and the children we would have.  This was the only pathway to have lasting
love and having a family we knew about, totally betraying our love for one
another.
These
feelings of being involved in an inappropriate relationship were so
overpowering and controlling that I never even discussed them with my roommates
my junior and senior years, whom I suspected at the time and later confirmed to
be true, were also gay. I even shared a small bedroom with one of these
roommates, some nights each of us sleeping in our own little twin bed with our
respective girlfriends. I knew what was happening in my bed; I didn’t know if
my roommate was likewise engaged and was too ashamed to discuss it.   Maybe
there would have been some strength in numbers if these conversations had taken
place and some of my shame would have been reduced.
Psychology
101, oh I was looking forward to this class, I thought it would be really
interesting and I might learn more about myself, what it meant to love someone
of the same gender. Well, I learned and it stung, “Homosexuality is a mental
illness…”
Six
years later the field of psychology was still more of a prison than a tool to
help set me free of my unjust self-determined ideas of what it meant to be gay.
A psychiatrist I was seeing to help me overcome my feelings of unrest and
depression, which were due only in a small part to my sexuality, suggested I
use shockwave treatments to cure me of my unnatural feelings of attraction to
women. I did not need these treatments, but perhaps he did!
Gradually,
as I followed my own proclivities, they became more normal in the eyes of
society. The best decision I ever made was in the eighties. I chose to have a
child through artificial insemination. My partner of seven years was very
honest and told me she might leave me if I got pregnant. I really loved her and
didn’t want to lose her but I had dreamed of having a child since I was in
elementary school. Fortunately, by the time my oldest child turned three, my
partner- yes the same one, and I were arguing about who was going to be the
birth mother for our desired second child. Wisely, we followed the advice of a
wonderful psychologist and I was not the birth mother. By making this decision
we experienced both roles (birth mom and non-birth mom). At this time many
people thought of the birth mother as the only “real” parent…the same as a
relationship with a person of the opposite gender was the only “real”
relationship. To this day some insensitive/ignorant people still ask me which
of these young ladies is my “real” child.
I
also, in solidarity with my partner, made a decision to be open with all of our
children’s teachers about our relationship. At an unconscious level I sensed if
we were open about who we were, our children would not take on the guilt and
shame which homosexual closets spurned. 
As a result we received support from a lot of good people. Neighborhood
children would sometimes ask their mothers why they didn’t get two mommies.  Many people in Golden became a little more
educated and liberal due to our family and at the same time my internalized
homophobia began to dissipate. Coming out of the closet for my girls was an
integral step of becoming what I had dreamed of so many years before.
Yesterday
my oldest daughter and I enjoyed seeing “Kinky Boots”. One of my favorite lines
was, “When you change your mind, you change the world”.  Slowly my mind changed and slowly my world
changed along with it. I have almost captured the essence of that beautiful
transvestite I briefly encountered twenty or so years ago…she gave me a smile
and a dream.

© 9 March 2015  


About
the Author 
I grew up in Pueblo, CO with my two brothers and parents.
Upon completion of high school I attended Colorado State University majoring in
Physical Education. My first teaching job was at a high school in Madison,
Wisconsin. After three years of teaching I moved to North Carolina to attend
graduate school at UNC-Greensboro. After obtaining my MSPE I coached
basketball, volleyball, and softball at the college level starting with Wake
Forest University and moving on to Springfield College, Brown University, and
Colorado School of Mines.
While coaching at Mines my long term partner and I had two
daughters through artificial insemination. Due to the time away from home
required by coaching I resigned from this position and got my elementary education
certification. I taught in the gifted/talented program in Jefferson County
Schools for ten years. As a retiree I enjoy helping take care of my
granddaughter, playing senior basketball, writing/listening to stories in the
storytelling group, gardening, reading, and attending OLOC and other GLBT
organizations.

As a retiree I enjoy helping take care of my granddaughter,
playing senior basketball, writing/listening to stories in the storytelling
group, gardening, reading, and attending OLOC and other GLBT organizations.
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Internal Misery by Beth Kahmann

Can’t cope so I dope,

Can’t stand taunts, jabs, injustices and lack of humanity.

Being ‘Gay’ I’m terrorized and teased mercilessly.

Can’t cope, so I dope and dream after taking lots of Dramamine warding off perpetrators inside my head.

I dream of ending it all.

If I do will that stop bullies, homophobes and the like?

Or will they still harass and call me a Dyke?

Perhaps they swim in their own internal misery.

From schoolyards, to back yards, to cemeteries, my life and death won’t even end in peace.

“Sticks and stones may break my bones-but words can never hurt me”

Yeah, tell that to the teen or Mom or brother that wants to end it all because year after agonizing year they were called Queer.

Denver, © January 2015

About the Author

Beth is an artist, educator, and is very passionate about poetry.

She owns Kahmann Sense Communications bethkahmann@yahoo.com

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Summer Camp by Betsy

Unlike their counterpart the Boy
Scouts of America, the Girl Scouts of the USA have historically been accepting
of their lesbian members–girls and adult leaders and professional staff
members.   The policy regarding sexual
orientation is and always has been not to condemn or condone any sexual
behavior, and that displays of or promotion of any lifestyle over another is
inappropriate and has no place in the conduct of adult leaders or girl
members.  Inappropriate conduct sexual or
otherwise is subject to evaluation and condemnation by the administrative
authorities of the organization.
I had a 25 year career as a
professional staff member and about 40 years as a girl member and a volunteer
leader and administrator.  In those 65
years I have known many women both gay and straight who have been dedicated to
the Girl Scout program and ideals.
The Girl Scout program and the
places where it is carried out offer girls something unique; namely, a place
for girls only, a place where girls can carry out their activities and projects
without the presence of boys.  In a
girls-only environment, the dynamics are different from an environment where
boys are present.  Expectations of the
girls are higher and their performance is often higher.  The stereotypes assigned by society to
females usually disappear in an all-girl setting.  Stereotypes of acceptable female roles simply
do not apply in such circumstances. 
Studies have shown clearly that students in an all girl setting
consistently out perform those in co-ed settings.  Girl Scouting offers this all-girl setting
where recreational activities can be carried out.
It seems that homophobia has never
been an issue in my experience in girl scouting with one exception.  Summer camp. 
One can certainly understand how a
college aged lesbian seeking summer employment would be attracted to the Girl
Scout summer camp counsellor job.  How
many times have I heard these words from many of my lesbian acquaintances: “Oh,
you worked for the Girl Scouts?  I was a
summer camp counsellor when I was in college.”
There are very few times the
homophobia monster reared its ugly head in the 25 years I was with Mile Hi
Council staff.   Both were very ugly
indeed. 
I was not involved in the camp
program so I heard this story second hand but I am sure it’s accurate.  During one two-week session of camp somehow
word got out that there were two lesbians on the camp staff–maybe more.  The word got to some of the campers’
parents–parents who did not want their children exposed to homosexuality.  In the middle of the session two of the
parents appeared one day at camp and publicly and loudly demanded that their
children be removed immediately from whatever they were doing.  The mothers were there to take there darlings
home lest they fall under the damaging 
influence of the lesbian counsellors.
The second appearance of the
monster occurred when an acquaintance, the administrator of a camping program
told me that she had been directed by her CEO to be sure not to recruit camp
staff from the lesbian community.  How do
we know an applicant is a lesbian,” she asked.  
“We can’t ask.”  “They all have
short hair,” was the reply from the CEO, who, by the way, herself had never
been known to have anything but short hair.
Ahh! Summer camp.  No wonder I loved it so much myself.  Crawling with lesbians.  How is it that I ended up with a life-long
partner who doesn’t even know what summer camp is!
© 25 August 2014
About the Author

Betsy has been active in the GLBT community
including PFLAG, the Denver women’s chorus, OLOC (Old Lesbians Organizing for
Change).  She has been retired from the
Human Services field for about 15 years. 
Since her retirement, her major activities include tennis, camping,
traveling, teaching skiing as a volunteer instructor with National Sports
Center for the Disabled, and learning. 
Betsy came out as a lesbian after 25 years of marriage. She has a close
relationship with her three children and enjoys spending time with her four
grandchildren.  Betsy says her greatest
and most meaningful enjoyment comes from sharing her life with her partner of
25 years, Gillian Edwards.
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Breaking Into the Gay Culture by Will Stanton

Breaking into the gay culture. I have no idea what that means. I suppose one first would have to define “gay culture.” I’m not sure what that is, either.

Does that mean living in San Francisco and being 99% nude in a parade? Does it mean hanging out in gay bars and trying to pick up tricks, perhaps even resignedly going home with a nameless body at 2:00 A.M.? Does it mean late-night roaming of Cheesman Park, or hanging out around men’s restrooms? Does it mean wearing rainbow colors, or lots of gay bling announcing to the world that my orientation may be different from yours? Is this that “gay culture,” especially as defined by uninformed or homophobic people?

On the other hand, could it mean that wealthy, cultured, and well educated gentleman who is bored by the bar scene and, instead, sits in the balcony of the Met Opera with a group of black-tie friends and then throws exclusive after-opera parties at his magnificent home? Or, does it refer to someone like billionaire, arms-industrialist Alfred Krupp enjoying the view of a dozen naked, young boys splashing in his swimming pool, flaunting the draconian anti-gay laws of early-20th-century Germany?

Or finally, can it mean a bizarrely inverted and destructive so-called “un-gay culture” populated by outwardly-straight army generals, fundamentalist preachers, homophobic Republican senators, or “pray-to-cure therapists,” anyone who fears or denies his own orientation that he does not understand or is willing to accept?

One obviously visible part of gay culture that I certainly respect is those persons who work for gay civil rights and to educate the otherwise ignorant public. Such work may expose them to ridicule or worse. Or at least, that dedication may dominate their lives and take up most of their time, possibly denying them the opportunity to pursue other, more personally rewarding directions.

For those gays, however, who may have realized their orientation but who have not found much of a of a life beyond it, I would hope that “gay culture” is not defined by unproductive pursuits for frequent sex partners, short-term relationships, beer-busts, and constant gay social events. Human lives should mean much more than that.

It seems to me that the natural, healthful approach for viewing one’s orientation is that it is simply one element of a person’s personality and thinking, that it does not have to dominate one’s mind. Consequently, choosing friends, joining clubs, selecting careers, interests, and hobbies does not have to be determined primarily upon whether they are considered to be gay or straight activities. After all, any psychologist or biologist worth his salt now knows that sexual orientation is not binary, not black or white; it is fluid, running the spectrum of thinking, feelings, and behavior. I could be mistaken, but perhaps some individuals think of Story Time more as a gay writers’ group. I chose to join because I prefer to view it simply as a writers’ group. The human experience often contains universal elements not limited by gay or straight.

© 22 August 2012

About the Author

I have had a life-long fascination with people and their life stories. I also realize that, although my own life has not brought me particular fame or fortune, I too have had some noteworthy experiences and, at times, unusual ones. Since I joined this Story Time group, I have derived pleasure and satisfaction participating in the group. I do put some thought and effort into my stories, and I hope that you find them interesting.

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The Wisdom of LGBT Identity by Ricky

Why should we expect any kind of “wisdom” from anyone who self-identifies as a member of the LGBT community, considering the extreme persecution of male homosexuals over the past few thousand years? It just does not seem very wise to risk public ridicule or hatred. Yet, over the centuries, thousands of men taken in the act of sodomy were/are punished in various ways (depending upon the society involved and the era of the occurrence). Punishments commonly used were death (by hanging, downing, decapitation, and burning), amputation of genitals, life imprisonment, pillorying, banishment, self-imposed exile to avoid prosecution, and ostracism.

It has been said, that “bisexuality” itself is but one stigmata of genius; which in itself is an interesting observation considering all the famous “genius” level homosexual men that have lived and advanced science, art, and literature over the centuries. Does it not follow then that the stigmata of non-bisexual lesbians and gays is “super genius?” Of course, many of us “geniuses” never fully develop our gifts, talents, and genius abilities, which appears to show a lack of wisdom.

In recently past centuries, homosexual men of great gifts and talents have through their poetry wrought great changes in public attitudes and social norms over time.

Shakespeare, Byron, Shelly, and others wrote tender poems of love to male youths disguised as sonnets and verse to women, and our present culture would be poorer, had they not been written even though disguised as they were. Thomas Mann’s work of Death in Venice is an example of how one can in slow stages fall in love with the natural beauty of a youth of the same sex. In all these examples, which are but a few of hundreds, the common denominator is “love.”

The slow outing of “love” between people regardless of sexual orientation is what over time has changed society’s view of gay relationships; views which ultimately forced the government out of bedrooms. England did not decriminalize homosexuality until 1967. For the one hundred years before that date, conviction of sodomy carried a life sentence and prior to that, a death sentence since 1533.

When Byron began studying the Greek classics, Plato’s writings were not available in his school. Plato’s Symposium was so full of homosexual content (labeled Greek Love) that homophobic England would not allow it taught to English schoolboys so as not to corrupt them. When other English scholars decided to translate Plato, they changed the text where they needed to, replacing male references to either female or “friend” or “servant,” etc. to hide the truth; a process called bowdlerization (a new word for me). At one point in his life, Shelly translated the “Symposium” himself, but so great was the homophobia remaining in England, that even he “toned down” the references to avoid public outrage. Sadly, after his death, the publisher and Shelly’s widow made changes that are even more egregious; the translation not published until 150 years after Shelly’s death; long after the need for “toning down the references” was necessary.

Since extreme homophobia existed in England to the point that England’s poets disguised the male object of their love poems as female and classic works of philosophy were deliberately “sanitized”, have you ever wondered if the King James Bible translation team (using original documents in Greek) altered their translation of the Bible to inflame or conform to society’s view (the king’s view) of homosexual behavior?

With extreme homophobia and persecution of the previous centuries now behind, perhaps the wisest thing about the LGBT identity is what continues to evolve from the Stonewall Riots; acceptance and recognition that love between two people is a beautiful thing and is no one else’s business or legitimate concern. Acceptance and recognition are the unanticipated consequences of bi and gay poets of past centuries openly expressing their love for another male in the only way available to them; camouflaged as love for a woman.

Sometimes, fear of negative consequences can cause one to make wise choices that still carry one’s message but generate praise.

© 3 December
2012


About the Author



I was born in June of 1948 in Los Angeles, living first in Lawndale and then in Redondo Beach. Just prior to turning 8 years old in 1956, I began living with my grandparents on their farm in Isanti County, Minnesota for two years during which time my parents divorced.

When united with my mother and stepfather two years later in 1958, I lived first at Emerald Bay and then at South Lake Tahoe, California, graduating from South Tahoe High School in 1966. After three tours of duty with the Air Force, I moved to Denver, Colorado where I lived with my wife and four children until her passing away from complications of breast cancer four days after the 9-11 terrorist attack.

I came out as a gay man in the summer of 2010. I find writing these memories to be therapeutic.

My story blog is, TheTahoeBoy.Blogspot.com.