Human Sexuality – Sage Telling Your Story

The following is an imaginary voice from the Universe heard inside a woman’s uterus by a viable life preparing for its day of birth.

“Now is the time for you to make your choice. You may choose from these two options: gay or straight. In other terms—homosexual or heterosexual. Before you decide let me explain the consequences of your choice.

“If you select the gay option you will have many obstacles in your life that you otherwise would not have. You will be considered abnormal by many people from the start, you could very easily find yourself being discriminated against by employers, landlords, merchants, and service providers. The law may possibly not offer any recourse for you if and when you are discovered depending on how the movement goes and the state of civil rights. You could actually be put in jail if you are found out.

“You may feel constrained to stay in the closet for a long, long time, maybe forever. That means denying your truth to yourself and to others. This could have a serious impact on your emotional and mental health—possibly on your physical health as well.

“If you try to express your sexuality and live as the person you are; i.e. live as an openly gay person, you risk your safety, security, and well being. You will keep your self esteem and self respect however. But there may be a price to pay for that.

“If you select the straight option life should be easier for you. You will derive benefits from marrying a person of the opposite sex. As a woman you will be safe if you serve him well. You will be secure if you do his bidding. You will have no difficult choices to make because they will all be made for you and to your advantage if you stay in line. The only risk for you is that you might screw up because you don’t realize that you have all the advantages.

“As I said, it’s your choice.”

The above scenario is, of course, absurd. None of this would happen because this choice is not available to us. This choice is never given to any of us before birth. We are born LGBTQ or heterosexual or gender fluid or whatever else yet to be defined—whatever else exists on the sexuality spectrum.

The choice is made when we become aware, conscious, of ourselves—our feelings, what drives us, with whom we fall in love. We make the choices later in life when we understand that there IS a choice— and that choice, as we all know, is not who we ARE by birth, but whether or not we choose to LIVE as an expression of who we are.

Personally, I understand very well the consequences of denying who I am and living as someone I am not. Once I became aware of my sexual orientation I was able to make that choice, respect myself, and be happy and fulfilled.

Those who wish to change us LGBTQ’s, punish us, put us away, or whatever, seem to imagine that we all experience the above in-utero scenario and we should be punished or, at least, forced to change because we made the wrong choice. We made the choice in-utero and were born gay yes on our first birthday, because we chose to. REALLY! Or, if they do not accept that absurdity, they want to punish us for expressing our real selves—for living as gay people.

I choose to live in a world which accepts every newborn baby for exactly what it is—everything that it is. I choose to welcome every life into this world as perfect as I did one week ago my first great grand child.

You know, I’m convinced he’s gay because of the way he waved when he was born. Then when he started primping his bald head his mother and grandmother and Auntie Gill were convinced too. He’s lucky. He knows he is loved by us all—gay or straight.

About the Author

Betsy has been active in the GLBT community including PFLAG, the Denver Women’s Chorus, OLOC (Old Lesbians Organizing for Change), and the GLBT Community Center. She has been retired from the human services field for 20 years. Since her retirement, her major activities have included tennis, camping, traveling, teaching skiing as a volunteer instructor with the National Sports Center for the Disabled, reading, writing, and learning. Betsy came out as a lesbian after 25 years of marriage. She has a close relationship with her three children and four grandchildren. Betsy says her greatest and most meaningful enjoyment comes from sharing her life with her partner of 30 years, Gillian Edwards.

Growing up Mormon is like growing up Jewish; it’s a way of life
as well as a theology. The way of life includes certain non-negotiable events, including (if you’re male) a mission for the church and marriage and family.
I served my mission in French-speaking countries from age 19 to 22, married,
and had a family with three children. In hindsight always at some level
knew I was gay but never came to terms with it until 1979 at the age of 38.

After struggling with owning my identity for many years, I
eventually came out to my family, ended my marriage, and left my church.

I began attending coming out meetings with a group of gay men in
Denver, leading me to participate with a group of them in the first March on
Washington for Gay and Lesbian Rights in 1979.

I had requested excommunication from the Mormon Church, which
procedurally includes a trial. My trial was scheduled for the morning of
that march. With the time difference between Washington and Colorado, my
trial ended as the march began, 7 a.m. Boulder time and 9
a.m.Washington time.

As my friends and I parked and headed toward the assembly point
for the march, I was vividly aware of the time, and as we stepped onto the
mall, I looked at my watch and realized that the trial was over and I was out
of the church. This was highly emotional for me, and I began to quietly
cry.

At that very moment I looked up and two men were unfurling a
banner that said “Gay Mormons United.” The synchronicity felt like an
affirming message from God. I ran over to the men and blubbered out my
story. One of the men took me in his arms and held me, and stepping back,
he shook my hand and said, “Congratulations, Welcome home.” And all the
pieces fell into place.

The march ended at the Washington Monument, which was open to
the tourists, and for a moment in history, the odds were changed and I was part
of the majority and the straight tourists were the minority. I realized
that they were intimidated by our presence and were quietly looking at the
ground. I thought to myself, “I have spent my whole life looking at the
ground. Never again.”

Upon returning from the march to the University in Boulder, I
came out to my colleagues at the University and then to my students in my very
large (500 students) Human Sexuality class.

I had been advised against being public by many people,
particularly regarding the impact it might have on my career and future.
But from the point of view of personal integrity, it felt as though if I had
not come out to my class, it would have been the equivalent of running a
marathon and not crossing the finish line.

The public coming out led to both television and newspaper
coverage, which in turn produced a large number of contacts from gay Mormons,
gay married men, and closeted people in general, who for the first time had a
name of someone they could contact. This process has become one of the
most gratifying experiences of my life.

As trite as it might sound, I’m still thoroughly convinced that
the single most important political act each of us who is gay or lesbian can do
is to come out in every possible setting.

In coming out, I lost my traditional church and biological
family and gained an immense new family of choice of gays, lesbians, and
allies. “I once was lost but now I’m found.” My redemption came on
the Washington, D.C. mall in 1979.

About the
Author

Don was born in Twin Falls, Idaho in 1941. He grew up in western Idaho outside of Boise.
He was raised in a Mormon family and
followed that cultural script, including undergraduate and MA degrees at BYU
(Brigham Young University), and a Ph.D. from the University of Minnesota. He did a mission for the Mormon Church in
French-speaking countries and married and had three children. He became a psychotherapist at the Counseling
Center at the University of Colorado in the 1970s and came out as a gay man in
1979. Since his divorce, he has been
involved in national marches on Washington, PFLAG, national speaker on
developmental issues for gay and lesbian youth, Founder and President of
Boulder County AIDS Project, taught human sexuality at the University of
Colorado, and is currently retired and living in Denver.

Tag: Human Sexuality

Birthdays, by Betsy

About the Author

Finding Redemption, by Don Johnson