Family, by Lewis

My family of origin was a hybrid between Blondie and Sleeping Beauty—a marriage of a passive but caring father and a resentful, frustrated mother. I, as the only child, quickly learned that the combination meant that I could have a great deal of freedom to do as I pleased but that the consequences would be severe should I ever be caught crossing “the line”. It taught me to be out-of-sight so as to be out-of-mind, how to be a “people-pleaser”, and, later, how to hide my sexual identity.

My father was the oldest of four brothers growing up on a farm in south-central Kansas. I never knew either of his parents as I came along when he was thirty-five and both had passed away. How he came to be such a gentle, quiet man I can only guess. It may have been that he very early learned how to hide his pain as he quietly watched unseen his mom and pop hold each other and cry as they said “Goodbye” to the farm that was to be their legacy but lost during the Depression. It may have been the polio that he contracted as a senior basketball player in high school. For whatever the reason, he was, as a father, ill-equipped to coach a bright but shy son through the trials and tribulations of growing up gay in mid-20th Century America with a mother who was plainly—in retrospect—unable or unwilling to empathize.

© 5 September 2016

About the Author

I came to the beautiful state of Colorado out of my native Kansas by way of Michigan, the state where I married and I came to the beautiful state of Colorado out of my native Kansas by way of Michigan, the state where I married and had two children while working as an engineer for the Ford Motor Company. I was married to a wonderful woman for 26 happy years and suddenly realized that life was passing me by. I figured that I should make a change, as our offspring were basically on their own and I wasn’t getting any younger. Luckily, a very attractive and personable man just happened to be crossing my path at that time, so the change-over was both fortuitous and smooth. Soon after, I retired and we moved to Denver, my husband’s home town. He passed away after 13 blissful years together in October of 2012. I am left to find a new path to fulfillment. One possibility is through writing. Thank goodness, the SAGE Creative Writing Group was there to light the way.

Games, by Betsy

1982 was an eventful year: the closet door opened for me completely that year. And I stepped out with my head held high. At the same time the world of athletic opportunity opened for members of the LGBT community world wide. 1982 was the year of the first and inaugural Gay Olympics. This event started out as and has continued to be the largest sporting and cultural event specifically for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people. The event is modeled after the Olympic Games. It was early on that the Olympic Games authorities pressured the Gay Olympics authorities to drop the name “Olympics” lest there be some perceived connection between the two events. Thus the title “Gay Games” came to be.

The following is the statement of concept and purpose of the Federation of Gay Games:

“The purpose of The Federation of Gay Games, Inc. (the “Federation”) shall be to foster and augment the self-respect of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and all sexually-fluid or gender-variant individuals (LGBT+) throughout the world and to promote respect and understanding from others, primarily by organising and administering the international quadrennial sport and cultural event known as the “Gay Games.”[4]

The games held every four years are open to individuals and teams from all over the world. Entry into the games is not restricted to GLBT individuals. All people are welcomed into the competition which has become the largest sporting and cultural event in the world exceeding the number of athletes participating in the Olympics.

The 1982 and 1986 events were held in San Francisco. Since then athletes have gone all over the world to compete in such countries as Canada, the Netherlands, Australia, Germany. Paris is slated to host the 2018 games.

In the late 1980’s I was making friends and acquaintances in the LGBT community. Though I had never heard of the Gay Games, I knew a woman active in the lesbian community who played tennis and had been a high school tennis coach. I had actually been on the court with her a few times. She asked me if I would like to enter the women’s tennis competition as her doubles partner in the upcoming Gay Games. “What’s that?” I answered. All I needed was the smallest explanation and I was ready to pack my bags for Vancouver, the site of the 1990 Gay Games.

The competition was quite wonderful I did come away with a silver medal in tennis. Preparing for the event was equally satisfying. We actually had a Colorado tennis team made up of probably a dozen men and women—mostly men. I soon discovered that there existed a A Gay Games Team Colorado made up of maybe 200 athletes including swimmers (mostly), runners, cyclists, and many others. We had uniforms—really nice—black with pink trim warm up suits. We were given a send-off at none other than Boetcher concert hall. I remember standing on the stage with my 200 or so team mates with balloons dropping from above when the cheers went up from the full hall of supporters. I stepped on one of those balloons, fell down, and came very close to being trampled by my teammates.

Or was that the send off for the New York games of 1994? I’m really not sure I remember correctly. But I know I did have the privilege of attending two Gay Games events—1990 in Vancouver, and 1994 in New York City. Two of the proudest moments of my life were marching with my team into the stadiums in those two cities in their opening and closing ceremonies.

The New York event drew 12,500 participants from 40 countries.

That games experience was very special in that my lesbian daughter was participating as well— as a member of the Connecticut women’s soccer team. It was definitely a proud and memorable moment for me when I found myself marching with my daughter in a parade of 12,000 LGBT athletes through Yankee stadium to the cheers of tens of thousands of supporters and spectators. (aside:) the reason Lynne and I were able to march together was only because Colorado and Connecticut both start with C. Team Connecticut directly followed Team Colorado in the alphabet and in the parade of athletes. What luck!!

I say we were marching with 12,000 LGBT “athletes.” It is important to note that the event was never intended to be focused on athletic ability alone, however. In the words of Olympic track star Tom Waddell whose inspiration gave birth to the games in the 1980s, “The Gay Games are not separatist, they are not exclusive, they are not oriented to victory, and they are not for commercial gain. They are, however, intended to bring a global community together in friendship, to experience participation, to elevate consciousness and self-esteem and to achieve a form of cultural and intellectual synergy…..We are involved in the process of altering opinions whose foundations lie in ignorance. “

Some of this I wrote about a few years ago in a piece called “Game, Set, Match:” I love this one particular anecdote and want to take the opportunity to repeat it here:

“Four years {after the Vancouver Games} I would participate in Gay Games IV in New York. I was able to share this experience with my daughter Lynne who lived not far from NY City in New Haven, Connecticut. This is when my lesbian daughter came out to me. When I told her I was coming to New York to play tennis in the Gay Games she replied ‘Oh good!! We’ll go together. I’m going to participate in the games too, Mom. I’m playing on the Connecticut women’s soccer team.’ Yes, that was her coming out statement to me! We did enjoy that time together and watched each other in our respective competitions and cheered each other on.”

The events of that day did much indeed to define our very strong and positive future mother-daughter relationship.

These amazing games have continued every four years since their inception in 1982 and I have described my participation experience in just one of the competitions, tennis. There have been and continue to be literally hundreds of such competitive exhibitions from croquet to weight lifting to volleyball and basketball to diving and water polo—all events similar to those of the Olympic Games.

There is another aspect of the extravaganza which is worthy of mention ‘though I am not as personally familiar with its activities. The Gay Games includes cultural activities as well. Many, many LGBT choruses, musicians, and performers of all kinds gather to perform for all audiences, and to share their talent and craft.

I truly believe the Gay Games has more than fulfilled the dreams of Tom Wadell and those others who were its founders. There is no doubt the games continue to bring the LGBT community together in friendship and sharing, to “elevate consciousness and self-esteem,” and “to alter outside opinions whose foundations lie in ignorance.”

Those who work to ensure the event’s future are all heroes and heroines.

Neither my daughter nor I have been to any of the games since New York, but we will both remember our experiences for the rest of our days. I was indeed privileged and I am very proud to have been a part of both the Vancouver and the New York Gay Games.

© 10 January 2017

About the Author

Betsy has been active in the GLBT community including PFLAG, the Denver Women’s Chorus, OLOC (Old Lesbians Organizing for Change), and the GLBT Community Center. She has been retired from the human services field for 20 years. Since her retirement, her major activities have included tennis, camping, traveling, teaching skiing as a volunteer instructor with the National Sports Center for the Disabled, reading, writing, and learning. Betsy came out as a lesbian after 25 years of marriage. She has a close relationship with her three children and four grandchildren. Betsy says her greatest and most meaningful enjoyment comes from sharing her life with her partner of 30 years, Gillian Edwards.

Dont!, by Phillip Hoyle

Surely back when I was a kid there was plenty of parental advice given, but I don’t remember much of it, certainly not many precautionary prohibitions starting with Don’t. Our parents trusted us kids—all five of us. We got freedom. A few years ago my youngest sister, Jewel, said of the folks, “They gave us too much freedom.” I was not sure what she meant but I did know that as a kid I had a life my parents knew little or nothing of. Then as a young teen that life was getting less illegal and more sinful. As an older teen it was more deplorable, but to describe my perspective more accurately, the deplorable self lived at peace with the non-deplorable self. I always liked the freedom, the lack of Don’ts, the trust merited or not.

My eldest sister, Lynn, advised, “If Dad gets angry, don’t argue, just listen.” He was mainly pleased with me, but one evening I had to follow her advice. My protracted goodbye at my girlfriend’s door went on too long. Perhaps Dad imagined I was kissing her too much while the truth was that I was trying to get up my courage to kiss her at all. I wanted to but couldn’t make myself do so. I followed Lynn’s advice when he scolded me in the car. He seemed angry that he had to wait on me. I listened and apologized without saying anything about what I was doing or unable to do, just for inconveniencing him.

My reluctance about kissing disappeared a couple of years later under the tutelage of a boyfriend. After going to his school which offered several classes and then his moving away, I finally kissed two different girls. One of them wondered what had got into me; the other expected that behavior from her boys. My second year in college I kissed Myrna much to her surprise. She got nervous and bit my ear. I thought she loved it and knew I was on my way to becoming a real man or something pathetic like that. I really enjoyed kissing her like my boyfriend had taught me and teaching her to enjoy it as well. Finally I understood what someone had written about French kissing: that it was the French answer to the need for birth control. We kissed passionately, and it did fill in for the Don’t factor for the two of us.

I prescribed a few don’ts for myself. Don’t try to answer all the teacher’s questions; doing so will only make other students despise you. Don’t forget to smile. Don’t forget to stand up for your own ideas in discussion. Don’t argue needlessly. Don’t overdress or underdress. But those are not terribly important.

Eventually I advised myself a Do. Do find a guy to do that really fun kissing with, and do it now.

© 22 May 2017

About the Author

Phillip Hoyle lives in Denver and spends his time writing, painting, and socializing. In general he keeps busy with groups of writers and artists. Following thirty-two years in church work and fifteen in a therapeutic massage practice, he now focuses on creating beauty. He volunteers at The Center leading the SAGE program “Telling Your Story.”

He also blogs at artandmorebyphilhoyle.blogspot.com

My Gay Husband, by Jude Gassaway

Just because I am rather Butch, do not assume that I don’t have a man husband.

In the Spring of 1987, I went to the Desert & Mountain States Lesbian & Gay Conference in Albuquerque, where I met Hal and his partner, Gene, hosts for the event. Even though Hal could not direct me to a place in town where I might ‘parknik’ and spend the night for free in my truck, he was prescient in his advice to a strange Lesbian: that the entertainment for Saturday night, although a pair of men, was actually geared to both men’s and women’s senses of humor; and was not a man-only event. Romanofsky and Phillips was a good show.

I spent the night in the high school auditorium’s parking lot, for free.

The next year, the D&MS L&G conference was held in Denver. I arrived early and immediately ran into Hal. He demanded that we exchange last names, phone numbers, and addresses, right there, and he issued a standing invitation: Whenever doing any geology or travel in New Mexico, to be sure to stop by for a shower, laundry, fresh water, and I could sleep in his driveway, for free. Plus, the person who lived in the host city was responsible for finding a superb Thai restaurant, for a soon to be traditional Saturday night dinner, which I was able to do (Thai Heip).

The first Seminar that I attended was led by BJ Peck, a local therapist. Titled: Alcohol and 12-step programs. There were a dozen chairs arranged in a circle. I sat at 8 o’clock, and watched the others arrive. The attendees were all women I knew from Denver, some therapists, and others from the Denver Women’s Chorus, from the Women’s Coming Out Group at the Center, and from local AA groups. There was an empty chair to my left. Just as BJ got up to close the door and start the meeting, Hal walked by, caught my eye, and he came in and occupied the last seat, next to me. Hal was not known to the others in the room.

BJ started the introductions which included our reasons for being there, and we went clockwise around the room. Just like an AA Meeting: “Hi, my name is Jude and I am an alcoholic. I attend the Gay AA groups, and my interest in this group is to see what other recovery groups there are in Denver, and….” turning to the man on my left, I continued, “This is my husband, Hal.”

Hal, being both adult and sober, was able to introduce himself and proceed as if he hadn’t just gotten married to a Lesbian. We have been married ever since.

We communicate by frequent e-mails (calling each other Husby and Wiffi). Sometimes, Hal calls me his “Sweet Petunia Blossom”. This year is our 29th Anniversary.

© May 2017

About the Author

Retired USGS Field Geologist.
Founding member, Denver Womens Chorus 


A Caveat Should Not Precede an Essay, by Cecil Bethea

A caveat should not precede an essay,
but I should like the gentle reader to know my memory is not only fragile but
also forgetful.  Too these events too
between fifty and sixty years ago. 
During that length of time a man could easily be conceived, born, reach
adulthood, marry, become a father and even a grandfather.  Also you are dealing a fairly normal and
average human being not the third law of thermodynamics which always acts as
expected.
My first adventure unfolded when I
was not even a practicing much less an adept homosexual.  I had gotten out of the Air Force and went
down to the University of Alabama in Tuscaloosa to see my long time friend Van
who was working on his Master’s in history.
At that time Tuscaloosa had not been wet very long.  True the city had never been dry more like
very damp what with the Northport Fruit Stand being open to all hours and quite
willing to supply a list of potables. 
Nothing too fancy.  I didn’t know
anybody who drank Scotch, never heard of tequila, couldn’t afford Piper Heidsieck.  My needs had also been
supplied by rum runs to Birmingham. 
There were few bars in Tuscaloosa,
but Van knew one out on the outskirts.  I
remember little about the place because it had little to remember.  We sat a table, drank beer, reminisced, told
unshared experiences.  The clientele was
college students being college students. 
Talking sincerely the problems of the world.  Proving that all their profs were
dullards.  Showing off their knowledge of
German, French, or Spanish/ No Russian or Chinese in those distant days.  Of course every one who disagreed with them
was an idiot.  I know this because I’ve
heard college students talk since then. 
The tables were small about 18 inches across with just enough room to
hold an ashtray and several beer bottles. 
The circumstances meant that you could easily hear or partake in your
neighbors’ conversation.
Having not seen each other for two
years, Van and I had much to discuss, so we ignored our neighbors.  Somehow or another two unknown men younger
than we started talking with us.  One
look at the two told me that they were probably from the football team.  Why they wanted to talk with us was beyond me
because we had such dissimilar interests. 
In fact, I wondered why ever did he want to talk to me. 
He didn’t.  Van saw some people he knew and went over to
their table leaving me alone with the two football players.  This was to be my one and only conversation
with football players.  Somewhere in that
night, I learned their sport and that one was the quarterback.  Hereinafter, he’ll be known as the QB.  Also, he was a mediocre QB at least by
Alabama’s standards.  They were much
weightier than I, who was about the same size then as now which meant that I
was heavily outmatched by one much less two. 
Of course, I can chatter away like crazy to anybody; whether they can
understand me is another matter. 
Finally, the QB said he wanted to
have sex with me.  I did not answer with
shouts of “What kind of man do you think I am?” 
It wasn’t necessary; I knew exactly what sort of man he thought I was.  Of course, I demurred to no avail.  Without my acquiesce, he said he’d knock me
to the floor and tell everybody that I’d propositioned him.  Had the case gone to court, the QB could have
pled rage induced by a homosexual.  Fifty
years ago, it probably would have stood up in court especially when used by the
quarter back of the Crimson Tide. 
Pleadings did no good; possibly he enjoyed them. 
He said to go to the men’s room and
followed me across the floor outside.  I
cannot remember why, but you had to go outside to reach the comfort station.  The QB had locked the door but had yet to unzip.
 Before anything could happen, Van came
running out.  He yelled through the door
that he had to leave immediately.  The
quarterback said to tell him to go away, I did, Van said he couldn’t leave me
out there in the middle of nowhere and started beating on the door and
yelling.  I was freed.  Van and I ran to the car, sped off with
squealing tires, and returned to his place by a tortuous route.
My next experience took place years
[later] in Denver out at Vivian’s Den out at 17th and Federal.  Although it fronted onto Federal, nobody
entered that way, we all came through the back door from the parking lot.  Just inside the door was a level about twenty-five
feet long with a jagged bar to the right. 
Beyond that was a step down to the area that contained a pool
table.  Next was a step up which led to
the front door with the two rest rooms on either side.
One night, probably a Tuesday because
only four or five of us were sitting at the bar with Leo as bartender.  He was the best gay bartender I’ve ever known:
very outgoing, always talking with the customers, knew when your drink needed
replenishing, never ignoring the paying customers while chatting up a possible
trick.  We were sitting strung out along
the bar talking about all sorts of things about the way we do at the Tuesday
concave.  Four young men entered the bar,
bought drinks, and went to playing pool. 
Never have seen the quartet before, I ignored them.  Besides I was enjoying the conversation.
Eventually I had to go.  I went to the pool area where I waited for
the shooter to shoot and for his ball to stop rolling as good manners
dictated.  Then with no acknowledgment of
the players, I went to the restroom and without locking the door, probably
didn’t even close it.  There I stood with
the seat down and me unzipped and doing my business before the commode.  Suddenly somebody came into the room.  Without stopping I turned to see one of the
pool players.  He immediately said either
“You God damned queer!” or “You fucking Queer!” but he certainly used the noun
queer.  All this time he was pounding on
my face with his fists.  Meanwhile I got
through the door unzipped, wetting myself, bleeding from what was a split lip
and what would be a blackened eye, pass the other three pool players to the
safety of my own kind.  Leo made motions
of calling the police but didn’t.
The young people today might wonder
why we like Socrates stoically accepted our fate.  That was another time, another clime.  That was the way life was for Gays.  Knowing this, we made adjustments to our
lives knowing that we never called the police, knowing that if our names were
in a newspaper article our jobs were forfeit, knowing that we could be kicked
out of the military in a full-dress parade. 
Our leases could be abrogated for our felonious conduct.  Picking up a man could result in jail
time.  But being young was very heaven
and salved our souls.
© 31 Oct
2010
 
About the Author  
 Although
I have done other things, my fame now rests upon the durability of my
partnership with Carl Shepherd; we have been together for forty-two years and
nine months as of today, August 18th, 2012.
Although
I was born in Macon, Georgia in 1928, I was raised in Birmingham during the
Great Depression.  No doubt I still carry
invisible scars caused by that era.  No
matter we survived.  I am talking about
my sister, brother, and I.  There are two
things that set me apart from people. 
From about the third-grade I was a voracious reader of books on almost
any subject.  Had I concentrated, I would
have been an authority by now; but I didn’t with no regrets.
After
the University of Alabama and the Air Force, I came to Denver.  Here I met Carl, who picked me up in Mary’s
Bar.  Through our early life, we traveled
extensively in the mountain West.  Carl
is from Helena, Montana, and is a Blackfoot Indian.  Our being from nearly opposite ends of the
country made “going to see the folks” a broadening experience.  We went so many times that we finally had
“must see” places on each route like the Quilt Museum in Paducah, Kentucky and
the polo games in Sheridan, Wyoming.  Now
those happy travels are only memories.
I was
amongst the first members of the memory writing class.  While it doesn’t offer criticism, it does
offer feedback.  Also, just trying to
improve your writing helps no end.
Carl
is now in a nursing home; I don’t drive any more.  We totter on.

Birthdays, by Gillian

The only problem with birthdays is, there are waaaay too many of them; both vertically and horizontally, if you get my drift.

Vertically, the number is ever-increasing because the average longevity is ever-increasing, at least in what we choose to call the ‘developed’ countries. But the overall world life expectancy has also risen. According to my favorite go-to website, Wikipedia, worldwide life expectancy has risen dramatically just in our lifetime, from 48 in 1950 to 67 in 2010. Since 1900, when it stood at 31 – well, you can do the math – it has more than doubled. In short, many lives are enjoying way too many birthdays.

Horizontally, there are many more humans to enjoy this increasing number of birthdays; exponentially more. Not quite in our own lifetimes, but between 1900 and 2000, the world population increased from 1.5 billion to over 6 billion; in one hundred years an increase three times greater than the entire previous history of humanity. The graph depicting this is an amazing picture.


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Longevity

But I took a break from writing this and now it is November 9th 2016. The day after Election Day. Two days after my birthday, so I’m happy to say I was able to enjoy the anniversary of my birth before disaster struck.

Today I feel nauseated, have a pounding headache, and cannot stop crying. How did this terrible thing happen? I remind myself that Clinton won the popular vote, but much good that does. I remind myself that, with almost half of all eligible voters not voting, and half of those who did vote voting for Hilary, Trump voters comprise only 25% of the eligible voters of this country. But much good that does.

My next birthday will be my 75th – a kind of semi-significant milestone. I wonder what horrors will have befallen us all by then. I fear for myself, for our country, and for the world. I am not alone. My cousin in London e-mails that she is ‘deep in the slough of despond’ which, I reply, is a mighty crowded place about now.

Now it is Sunday the 13th. On Friday evening, Betsy and I went to the usual Friendly Friday gathering of our HOA. Officially we had ended Friendly Fridays for the year when we put back the clocks, but many of us felt a particular need for comfort this week, so planned one more.

One of our neighbors was handing out safety pins, and introduced us to the Safety Pin Movement. Here at least is something we all can do now, with minimal effort and cost, to show solidarity with each other – all of us in fear from Trump’s promised oppressions.

According to a post on Twitter, here is what the safety pin signifies – the message it sends to those who see you wear it.
If you wear a hijab, I’ll sit with you on the train.
If you are trans I will go to the bathroom with you.
If you’re a person of color, I’ll stand with you if the cops stop you.
If you’re a person with disabilities, I’ll hand you my megaphone.
If you’re an immigrant, I’ll help you find resources.
If you are a survivor, I’ll believe you.
If you’re a refugee, I’ll make you welcome.
If you’re a veteran, I’ll take up your fight.
If you’re LGBTQ, I won’t let anyone tell you you are broken.
If you are a woman, I’ll make sure you get home OK.
If you’re tired, me too.
If you need a hug, I’ve got an infinite supply.
If you need me, I’ll be with you.
All I ask is that you be with me, too.

I have never before thought of the safety pin as a great weapon, but perhaps at this moment it is.

It is at least one small, non-combative, way to begin to push back.

Otherwise, all we have is the popular misquote of Tiny Tim at the close of Charles Dickens’s A Christmas Carol –

God help us, every one.

© November 2016

About the Author

I was born and raised in England. After graduation from college there, I moved to the U.S. and, having discovered Colorado, never left. I have lived in the Denver-Boulder area since 1965, working for 30 years at IBM. I married, raised four stepchildren, then got divorced after finally, in my forties, accepting myself as a lesbian. I have been with my wonderful partner Betsy for thirty years. We have been married since 2013.

Self Acceptance, by Ray S

The beauty of our Story Time to me is that it makes me face up to a reality-need weekly. The older one gets, the greater life’s little challenges become.

The Monday challenge is usually confronted the day before or early Monday morning.

This Sunday I wandered around the place in my robe, downing several cups of coffee and a bowl of oatmeal. Seemed like it was decision time to live or die. No not really bad, maybe to just go back to bed and tease my muse for tomorrow’s creative writing.

It was an easy choice—go back to bed. On my way to bed I picked up a book I’d recently been reading. There it laid, speaking to me from its bright yellow and black cover whispering, “Take me to bed with you.” Then my muse and the book’s author started contending for my attention and Story Time’s.

Realizing how much easier it would be to open the book and review the last chapter, I followed the path of least resistance. It was like meeting an old friend at the coffee shop and agreeing about the story and the author’s writing skills.

Muse empathetically nudged me back to tomorrow’s work to be done saying, “Remember Self Acceptance?”

I was reminded of my one time fifty five minute weekly with my Father-Confessor-Buddy, Dr. Ed. Ed’s job was to listen to me babble on for a given time about my self-love/hate relationship, that time period discovering what homosexuality meant and how I fit into that denomination, basic insecurity which used to be known as “inferiority complex” before the new age set in, envy and not measuring up in every way, etc., etc., etc.—

Did Ed accomplish any emotional miracles with his patient? Guardedly I can answer, “Yes.” Somewhat. Or perhaps I grew so weary of all that baggage I dumped it—another word for acceptance.

So now I’ve set my Self Acceptance goals on moving into 28 Barberry Lane with Ms. Anna Madrigal’s other tenants and living happily ever after.

© 12 December 2016

About the Author

GLBT Hopes, by Phillip Hoyle

Growing up I had no GLBT hopes. I had no idea what those initials represented; no idea that the concepts and rich human experiences behind them had anything to do with me. I didn’t feel hopeless. I was simply clueless.

In my early twenties I began to hear and understand a little about the beginnings of the gay liberation movement. I had taken great interest in the African American movements, had begun to read about the feminist movement, and realized I needed to know more about all such movements. I had very generalized hopes for all of them, for the securing of civil rights for all Americans under law regardless of race, gender, sex, education, and a number of other differences that left them susceptible to many injustices. I saw how churches as well as the general community were unjust towards minorities. I had hopes for a better America and for better American churches.

For myself I had believed in the idea that you grew up, got educated, got married, reared children, and in my case served churches through your ministry. Since I was on route to become a minister, I accepted I would have to toe the line on some things that others in the congregation might not find necessary. Life was good. Whatever LGBT hopes I had were for others.

At the point when I accepted that homosexuality was right at the center of who I was, I hoped that my wife might find herself to be lesbian. We could then work out a special arrangement to continue living together. It didn’t happen. I assumed I would always be married and hoped I would never to go too far in satisfying my homosexual needs. I didn’t want to change the trajectory of my life.

Midlife took care of that for me. I was changing emotionally. I had no doubt that I loved my wife or that she loved me. I wanted a man to love me; I wanted to love a man. When I realized I was going to become the bad husband and a bad minister, I changed both roles. I was hurting my wife. I didn’t want to do so. We talked but there was so much emotion—so many emotions—we didn’t know what to do. Our settlement settled little. We did separate. I bore the responsibility before our families. We said goodbye with a kiss and tears.

Within a month I had GLBT hopes. Lots of them: to finish my job obligation; to move to one of three western American cities; to live openly as a gay man. For twenty years I had considered myself bisexual. Now I was going to simplify my life.

My gay hope was to learn just what gay would mean for me. First though some other things would take my attention: getting work for income, writing, and dedicating lots of time to the visual arts. I began writing episodes from my life and then writing about my new work: massage. A new gay hope emerged: to write up my gay life experiences. Before long I was pleased to find myself loving a man who loved me. I hoped we’d have lots of time together. He died from AIDS. Then I grieved a true GLBT grief. During this time I was careful with myself. I stayed busy with my work. I was still engaged as a gay man. I wrote about the loss of my gay partner. It was a sequel to one I had written a couple of years earlier when a gay friend had died from AIDS. (The two pieces may be my best writing to date.)

Then I met a gay daydream at a bus stop in my neighborhood. Our love blossomed. Then he died. I sagged. Still I wrote and realized I would write much more about my gay experiences. My arts kept me hopeful.

A straight woman friend of mine told me about the SAGE of the Rockies Telling Your Story. I attended wondering how my writing would be heard by a truly GLBT audience. It was like a gay hope come true.

From this ever-changing group of storytellers that offers every-changing and sometimes emotion-blowing perspectives, I have clarified my new GLBT Hopes:

I now hope that GLBT (etc.) folk will all someday take time to hear one another’s stories. There is no better way to come to know oneself than to hear the stories of others, no better way to be inspired than to hear the experiences of another person you know more than superficially. I hope that those stories will also become of interest to other humans—you know like those who claim to be straight or heterosexual or some other category. I want this latter so they can see how little different are all people.

I hope that GLBTs will always vote mindfully in local, state, and national elections.

I hope that LGBTs will come to appreciate and respect one another as much as we want others to honor and respect us.

© 9 January 2017

About the Author

Phillip Hoyle lives in Denver and spends his time writing, painting, and socializing. In general he keeps busy with groups of writers and artists. Following thirty-two years in church work and fifteen in a therapeutic massage practice, he now focuses on creating beauty. He volunteers at The Center leading the SAGE program “Telling Your Story.”

He also blogs at artandmorebyphilhoyle.blogspot.com

Ten Good Things about Being Gay, by Lewis Thompson

1. Not being straight (roads are always more fun when curved).

2. Not needing help to put an outfit together.

3. Being able to enjoy “chic flicks” even when not a chic.

4. Having friends of the other gender without all the bullshit that goes with romance.

5. Never having to shop for fishing gear.

6. Being able to mix with both genders at parties.

7. Never being chastised for not putting the toilet seat down.

8. Being able to trade clothes with my lover.

9. Feeling special without doing anything special.

10. Coming to Storytellers every Monday.

© 27 Jun 2016

About the Author

I came to the beautiful state of Colorado out of my native Kansas by way of Michigan, the state where I married and I came to the beautiful state of Colorado out of my native Kansas by way of Michigan, the state where I married and had two children while working as an engineer for the Ford Motor Company. I was married to a wonderful woman for 26 happy years and suddenly realized that life was passing me by. I figured that I should make a change, as our offspring were basically on their own and I wasn’t getting any younger. Luckily, a very attractive and personable man just happened to be crossing my path at that time, so the change-over was both fortuitous and smooth.

Soon after, I retired and we moved to Denver, my husband’s home town. He passed away after 13 blissful years together in October of 2012. I am left to find a new path to fulfillment. One possibility is through writing. Thank goodness, the SAGE Creative Writing Group was there to light the way.

The Energy Drain, by Phillip Hoyle

I had been worrying over what I called an energy drain and presented my concern to my doctor along with my generally feeling off, itchy, and lethargic. I said, “I wonder if one of the two prescriptions I’m taking could be to blame.” Dr. Elango picked up his smart phone and started punching at it. I assumed he was connecting with the HMO’s website. The room was silent as he concentrated, his face expressionless like a student in a library. He frowned, then smiled at me and said, “Neither of your meds have those side effects.”

“Good,” I said, “because they seem to be helping me.”

The doctor asked, “Phillip, don’t you take some supplements?”

“I’ve quit most of them but still take a multi-vitamin and a single Saint John’s Wort capsule daily,” I said.

Doctor started poking at his phone again. “The symptoms you described are all possible side effects of St. John’s Wort. You know,” he looked up, “even supplements have side effects.”

I agreed to quit taking that pill even though I had an extra bottle not yet opened. I so wanted to feel better that practicality lost. Still, the next morning as I prepared to get rid of the pills, I hesitated since I had begun taking the herbal anti-depressant years before when my partner Michael died. Back then I didn’t want to slide into some emotional morass due to the grief I was experiencing. With the pill I seemed to do just fine. About two years later when Rafael died, I upped the dosage to two capsules a day mindful of a character in the TV show “Will and Grace” who finally admitted he’d been taking eight capsules daily. I didn’t want to be like him. Even though I had doubled my dosage, I found my grief more intense that time as if I were experiencing grief on top of grief. Eventually I returned to one pill daily and seemed just fine. But the fine effect apparently failed after fifteen years and gave me the group of symptoms I described to my doctor. I quit and have nothing more to say about the episode except that when I followed my doctor’s advice those symptoms disappeared.

But now some months later I am worrying over a slight feeling of anxiety I cannot seem to overcome. I’m tired of how I feel, but at least I’ll have something to say to my doctor at my next physical still seven months off. I feel worked up and have less energy than I want, but I don’t have those age-related unrealistic desires like returning to what I was at age thirty-five. I just want more pep so I can accomplish more things with the time I have available. I am open to advice from friends but most of them think I’m already too busy. I don’t want more social responsibilities or more leadership in any programs. I have plenty of that to keep me at least half awake, and some nights way too awake or awakening from some responsibility dream or worse yet some date I had made but hadn’t put on the family calendar. But to call any of this actual worry or actual anxiety—you know of the clinical type—doesn’t seem warranted.

Doctor did give me some great practical advice about one of my symptoms, dry skin. He said, “Get some lotion and put it on every day.” I had been using sunscreen for many years but hadn’t considered adding just plain old lotion. I didn’t want to begin smelling like a rose or a lily so I bought lotion for men. Even so, a friend embracing me one day said, “You smell good.”

Like a good queer I said, “Well thank you,” but just at the last second stopped myself from saying, “I try.” You see I’m a self-respecting queer. So surely I will get over the energy drain quickly enough. And I’ll begin wearing enough lotion the rest of my life for the wind not to cause unnecessary friction and enough for anxieties to slide right off my shoulders. At least those are my goals. “Energy drain, be gone.”

© 28 November 2016

About the Author

Phillip Hoyle lives in Denver and spends his time writing, painting, and socializing. In general he keeps busy with groups of writers and artists. Following thirty-two years in church work and fifteen in a therapeutic massage practice, he now focuses on creating beauty. He volunteers at The Center leading the SAGE program “Telling Your Story.”

He also blogs at artandmorebyphilhoyle.blogspot.com