The First Person I Came Out To, by Pat Gourley

Strangely I find myself vacillating a bit on this topic. I
assume I would ordinarily not consider the first person I had sex with since
that would be a situation that would seem obvious to both of us. However in my
case it was with a man I sought out initially seeking an answer to the question
was “I gay or not”. More accurately what I was asking at the time was am I a
homosexual or not?
The person I sought out to help clarify whether I was really
a big homo or not was most certainly not an openly gay man.  This was after all 1965 in suburban Chicago
and he was on the faculty of a Catholic High school. It was a diocesan school
staffed by Holy Cross nuns and though several of those nuns were progressive in
the extreme there was no Gay-Straight alliance as an option for extracurricular
activity.
Initial contact with this man would have been in late 1965 or
more likely sometime in early 1966. Though I am not totally clear about this I
do think I was genuinely seeking him out, as one of my high school counselors
and a person 20 plus years my senior, to help me answer this perplexing
question with no pre-existing assumptions about his sexual preference. Even at
age 16 I was not seeking a cure but would have probably been very reassured to
be told it was just a phase and that I was actually quite a masculine straight
arrow.
There had certainly been lots of enjoyable nude swimming with
male siblings and cousins to say nothing of the nearly obsessive urge to see my
dad and the occasional uncle nude. These preoccupations proceeded by several
years my seeking out my guidance counselor for help and advice.  So I may have been drawn to him
subconsciously hoping he really was like me. And of course his Old Spice
shaving lotion and hairy physique I assumed, an assumption later validated, and
his being bald may have all helped to create a situation I would often in
future years find irresistible.
Minus the Old Spice aftershave, which thankfully faded from
the scene sometime in the 1970’s, I think the hairy and bald aspects are quite
accurate physical descriptions of both of my long-term lovers, both named David,
and they combined to occupy 30 years of my adult life. Why I remain today still
hard-wired to pursue the mature and preferably quite hairy older male is
interesting and a bit of mystery to me. So many of my queer male peers prefer at
least in their dream worlds something younger, thinner and less hirsute.
Some months into that year of counseling sessions before
fruition so to speak I decided this guy was really on my side and very sexually
attractive. Long story short we did it eventually and it was as I recall the
Friday before Palm Sunday after school in the biology lab. I absolutely did not
fall into spasms of guilt post orgasm but rather was on cloud-nine for days and
spent most waking hours relishing the thought of our next get together. I guess
when one has ejaculated all over another man you have then come out to them
certainly as someone with homosexual tendencies if not as full blown GAY.
The coming out process for many of us though is a recurrent
theme that we are required to play out repeatedly since the attitude of society
in general is that heterosexuality is always the unexamined assumption. I have
for years though preferred to always give everyone I meet the benefit of the
doubt and assume they are queer until proven otherwise.
© May
2016
 
About the Author 
I was born in La Porte Indiana in 1949, raised on a farm and schooled
by Holy Cross nuns. The bulk of my adult life, some 40 plus years, was spent in
Denver, Colorado as a nurse, gardener and gay/AIDS activist. I have currently returned to Denver after an
extended sabbatical in San Francisco, California.

The Swim by Ricky




The first time I remember swimming is when I was 1 ½ or 2 years old. My parents took me to the beach, probably a beach in the city of Hermosa Beach, California. Unfortunately, I had a bad experience there where some waves kept knocking me down. It scared me so bad that I became afraid of the water.

When I was ten, the first time I went to the beach at Zephyr Cove on the Nevada side of Lake Tahoe, I got second-degree sunburn on my back and legs. Especially painful were the back of my knees. I was bed ridden for three or four days and could not go with my stepfather to help on our tour boat. I don’t know why, but mother put some type of sunburn oil on my skin. She also put vinegar on me to “cool” the burn, which worked until it evaporated. In spite of her help and the soothing effects, I really did not want her to touch me, as the pain was so great when she did so. After those experiences, I was not remotely interesting in swimming ever again. At 10, I was already a wimp.

I eventually joined the Boy Scouts and wanted to be able to swim 50 yards in order to obtain my First Class badge. Towards that end, I took a Red Cross swimming class one summer. I learned to hold my breath and swim the length of the pool while under water. I found that very fun – grabbing a breath, diving down five feet to the bottom of the pool, and then traveling the length gradually rising to the surface by the time I reached the other end of the pool. However, I could not hold my breath long enough to swim 50-yards.

One good thing that happened was that I met a boy who lived not too far from me. We walked home together and began to engage in sex play. He told me that he had seen by balls several times at the pool as they were hanging out one of my swimming suit legs a little bit. Actually, I was not wearing a swimming suit; I was using a pair of gym style shorts that were a tad too small for me. That is to say, they showed lots of leg, and apparently, some testicle. In my defense, I did not own a swimming suit then and the “gym” shorts were all I had. But after that day, I also wore underpants for the rest of the classes.

A month or two later on, my Scoutmaster tried to teach me and help me learn to swim. At one point, he asked me to float for 5-minutes; I could not. He then said to do the Jellyfish Float. I told him I do not float; I sink. Naturally, he did not believe me. So, I took three deep breaths, held the last one, bent over and grabbed my ankles, and promptly began to sink slowly to the bottom of the pool. When I stood up, he said that never saw anyone who could sink doing the Jellyfish Float. A couple of weeks later, one of our assistant scoutmasters, Jim Leamon (a game warden) was able to pass me on the swimming requirement. He worked with me for a few days using skin diving flippers to strengthen my legs and improve my coordination.

I took leave from the Air Force when my son was 3-years old. We went to some town in southern Florida and stayed in a motel that had a swimming pool. We had not put his inflatable “floaters” on his arms yet, when he just jumped into the pool. We were stunned. Before either his mom or I could move, he was paddling like crazy with only his eyes above water. That scared us, so we enrolled him in a Red Cross swimming class when we got back to the base.

My wife related that during the class, all the mothers had to wait outside the fence surrounding the pool while the class was in progress. At one point, the kids were supposed to be holding on to the edge of the pool practicing kicking their legs. Deborah looked up and there was Destin up to his eyes in water again. He had let go of the pool edge and the teenage instructors and lifeguards were not paying attention. She began screaming at them and at first they ignored her and gave her looks like “what’s wrong with you?” Finally, one of them heard what she was saying and rescued Destin before he drowned.

At the same Air Force Base, all of my then three children were on the swimming team (because it included free lessons). At their first competition, my oldest girl came in first in her race and my second oldest came in second in hers. However, poor little Destin came in last in his race. His group had to hold on to a foam flotation board and kick their way across the pool. My son was not kicking but “running” so his upper leg was greatly retarding his forward movement. It took him about 15-minutes to travel the length of the pool. I am not sure he was responsible or if the wind eventually blew him across.

As you may discern from this list of swimming tales, I may play in shallow water, but I definitely do not like to be in the swim.

© 10 September 2012 


About the Author



Ricky was born in June of 1948 in downtown Los Angeles. He lived first in Lawndale and then in Redondo Beach, both suburbs of LA. Just prior to turning 8 years old, lived with his grandparents on their farm in Isanti County, Minnesota for two years while his parents obtained a divorce; unknown to him.


When united with his mother and stepfather in 1958, he lived first at Emerald Bay and then at South Lake Tahoe, California, graduating from South Tahoe High School in 1966. After three tours of duty with the Air Force, he moved to Denver, Colorado where he lived with his wife and four children until her passing away from complications of breast cancer four days after 9-11.
He came out as a gay man in the summer of 2010. He says, “I find writing these memories to be therapeutic.”


Ricky’s story blog is, TheTahoeBoy.Blogspot.com.