I was recently reminded of the
huge respect I have for the 12 Step Program when I attended an Al-anon meeting
as a guest. I had some knowledge of the
12 steps from some previous experiences, but have never actually worked the
program.
huge respect I have for the 12 Step Program when I attended an Al-anon meeting
as a guest. I had some knowledge of the
12 steps from some previous experiences, but have never actually worked the
program.
I was amazed to hear a member
share that he was thankful for the alcoholism in his family as it is because of
that that the man had been introduced to the 12 steps program.
share that he was thankful for the alcoholism in his family as it is because of
that that the man had been introduced to the 12 steps program.
For the next couple of days, I
attempted to draw parallels in my life to what I had heard in the meeting and
to apply my experiences to some of the steps.
It finally occurred to me that I could make an analogy with my
experience of growing up gay and coming out.
attempted to draw parallels in my life to what I had heard in the meeting and
to apply my experiences to some of the steps.
It finally occurred to me that I could make an analogy with my
experience of growing up gay and coming out.
Consider the first step, for
example. “We admitted that we were
powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanageable.” Apply this to coming out, I mused. I acknowledged, accepted that I was
homosexual and powerless to change that fact.”
example. “We admitted that we were
powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanageable.” Apply this to coming out, I mused. I acknowledged, accepted that I was
homosexual and powerless to change that fact.”
Growing up pretending to be
straight, living the life-style of a heterosexual person can be seen as
resistance to nature itself. A self-imposed resistance put in place by societal
norms and the culture around sexual behavior of the time. Admitting, that is, giving in to the reality
that I am homosexual, not heterosexual, accepting this fact and being totally
aware of it could be seen as the first step to take in managing a large problem
in one’s life. Clearly I prefer using the word “acknowledge” or accept” to the
word “admit” in this context. Making others aware of our true self reinforces
one’s resolve and strength to manage that life and to live honestly.
straight, living the life-style of a heterosexual person can be seen as
resistance to nature itself. A self-imposed resistance put in place by societal
norms and the culture around sexual behavior of the time. Admitting, that is, giving in to the reality
that I am homosexual, not heterosexual, accepting this fact and being totally
aware of it could be seen as the first step to take in managing a large problem
in one’s life. Clearly I prefer using the word “acknowledge” or accept” to the
word “admit” in this context. Making others aware of our true self reinforces
one’s resolve and strength to manage that life and to live honestly.
Being gay, of course, is not a
direct parallel to abuse of alcohol. Although there are those who may see
homosexuality as an addiction and something of which one should diligently work
to deny him/herself and to be rid of. Fortunately,
it appears that most people today know better.
Today we are anxiously waiting to see whether our Supreme Court wants to
be included in that majority group.
direct parallel to abuse of alcohol. Although there are those who may see
homosexuality as an addiction and something of which one should diligently work
to deny him/herself and to be rid of. Fortunately,
it appears that most people today know better.
Today we are anxiously waiting to see whether our Supreme Court wants to
be included in that majority group.
Step 2: “We came to see that a
power greater than ourselves restored us to sanity.” I see my sexuality as part of my Being and my
being represents, according to my belief, the power of God within me. This is not something I control any more than
I can control the color of my eyes, the shape of my face, or any other aspect
of my tangible or intangible form.
power greater than ourselves restored us to sanity.” I see my sexuality as part of my Being and my
being represents, according to my belief, the power of God within me. This is not something I control any more than
I can control the color of my eyes, the shape of my face, or any other aspect
of my tangible or intangible form.
Steps 3, 4, and 5 further
reflect the healing effect of acknowledging who I truly am both in word and
life style.
reflect the healing effect of acknowledging who I truly am both in word and
life style.
I’m going to skip step 6—“We’re
entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character.”
entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character.”
However, I can see
interpreting this as a supplication to God to forgive me for not honoring my
true self at an earlier time in my life.
interpreting this as a supplication to God to forgive me for not honoring my
true self at an earlier time in my life.
The rest of the steps are more
directly applicable to issues other than coming out/being out. However, I see
them as very powerful concepts to put into practice for any one any time.
directly applicable to issues other than coming out/being out. However, I see
them as very powerful concepts to put into practice for any one any time.
I also was reminded of the
Serenity Prayer which is used to open and close the Al-anon meetings. I have a miniature of the Serenity Prayer on
my bedside table. It’s been there a long
time and I usually forget it is there. I am very happy to be reminded of its
powerful words—very appropriate for GLBT’s—and I hope to remember to utter them
or at least think of them every day.
Serenity Prayer which is used to open and close the Al-anon meetings. I have a miniature of the Serenity Prayer on
my bedside table. It’s been there a long
time and I usually forget it is there. I am very happy to be reminded of its
powerful words—very appropriate for GLBT’s—and I hope to remember to utter them
or at least think of them every day.
“God, give me the strength to accept what I cannot change,
The courage to change that which I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.”
© 10 Jun 2015
About the Author
Betsy has been active in
the GLBT community including PFLAG, the Denver Women’s Chorus, OLOC (Old
Lesbians Organizing for Change), and the GLBT Community Center. She has been
retired from the human services field for 20 years. Since her retirement, her major
activities have included tennis, camping, traveling, teaching skiing as a
volunteer instructor with the National Sports Center for the Disabled, reading,
writing, and learning. Betsy came out as a lesbian after 25 years of marriage.
She has a close relationship with her three children and four grandchildren.
Betsy says her greatest and most meaningful enjoyment comes from sharing her
life with her partner of 30 years, Gillian Edwards.
the GLBT community including PFLAG, the Denver Women’s Chorus, OLOC (Old
Lesbians Organizing for Change), and the GLBT Community Center. She has been
retired from the human services field for 20 years. Since her retirement, her major
activities have included tennis, camping, traveling, teaching skiing as a
volunteer instructor with the National Sports Center for the Disabled, reading,
writing, and learning. Betsy came out as a lesbian after 25 years of marriage.
She has a close relationship with her three children and four grandchildren.
Betsy says her greatest and most meaningful enjoyment comes from sharing her
life with her partner of 30 years, Gillian Edwards.
