I suppose that it is human
nature for many of us to succumb to compulsive behavior. If we attempted to list every possible form
of compulsion, we would be here all day.
Eating certainly is one of the
most prevalent compulsions, especially in America. I once was invited by a 400-pound man to join
him and a few others for dim-sung dinner. I tried to avert my eyes while he ravenously
ate multiple courses, along with everything left over from other diners at the
table. I will never subject myself to
that kind of disturbing experience again.
America is so notorious for overeating that someone posted on-line a
photo-shopped image of Michelangelo’s “David” supposedly after visiting here
and eating too much American food.
most prevalent compulsions, especially in America. I once was invited by a 400-pound man to join
him and a few others for dim-sung dinner. I tried to avert my eyes while he ravenously
ate multiple courses, along with everything left over from other diners at the
table. I will never subject myself to
that kind of disturbing experience again.
America is so notorious for overeating that someone posted on-line a
photo-shopped image of Michelangelo’s “David” supposedly after visiting here
and eating too much American food.
 |
| Chunky David |
I fell pray to overeating for
a few years, all because of chronic stress.
My partner died. He also was my
business partner, and I tried to do both jobs.
Further, in our profession, we were required to deal with many people’s
ongoing problems, which was hard enough.
I also had to be concerned with professional clinical and legal
liability. Worse, most competing clinics
were thoroughly corrupt, making tons of money, and stealing away most of my
clients. Big stress.
a few years, all because of chronic stress.
My partner died. He also was my
business partner, and I tried to do both jobs.
Further, in our profession, we were required to deal with many people’s
ongoing problems, which was hard enough.
I also had to be concerned with professional clinical and legal
liability. Worse, most competing clinics
were thoroughly corrupt, making tons of money, and stealing away most of my
clients. Big stress.
For a while, a little place
close by, B.J.’s Carousel, became the antidote to my own stress. I must have driven by B.J.’s 10,000 times
before someone told me that there was a little restaurant in the back that
served solid American-style food at reasonable prices. In addition, the regular patrons and staff
were exceptionally friendly and accommodating.
Frequently, patrons chatted with each other from table to table,
fostering a warm, supportive atmosphere.
The restaurant played soft, classical music, rather than the pounding
drums and screaming that most restaurants play now-days. Also in the winter, they had a pot-bellied
stove in the middle of the room that made the area very cozy. That’s where I would go to unwind.
close by, B.J.’s Carousel, became the antidote to my own stress. I must have driven by B.J.’s 10,000 times
before someone told me that there was a little restaurant in the back that
served solid American-style food at reasonable prices. In addition, the regular patrons and staff
were exceptionally friendly and accommodating.
Frequently, patrons chatted with each other from table to table,
fostering a warm, supportive atmosphere.
The restaurant played soft, classical music, rather than the pounding
drums and screaming that most restaurants play now-days. Also in the winter, they had a pot-bellied
stove in the middle of the room that made the area very cozy. That’s where I would go to unwind.
Once my evening therapy groups
were gone, and I had discussed each person’s case with my contract
psychologist, and I had prepared the individual sessions notes for the clinical
files, I felt drained. I would jump into
my car and race down to B.J.’s, which stayed open late, and order an excess of
comfort-food – – meat, potatoes, salad, veggies, and (of course) desert. This went on for a few years, and I must have
been oblivious to the consequence until it became more obvious. Fortunately, I rarely eat that way now. The fact that B.J.’s since has shut down
probably removed a pit-fall from my path.
were gone, and I had discussed each person’s case with my contract
psychologist, and I had prepared the individual sessions notes for the clinical
files, I felt drained. I would jump into
my car and race down to B.J.’s, which stayed open late, and order an excess of
comfort-food – – meat, potatoes, salad, veggies, and (of course) desert. This went on for a few years, and I must have
been oblivious to the consequence until it became more obvious. Fortunately, I rarely eat that way now. The fact that B.J.’s since has shut down
probably removed a pit-fall from my path.
Over those many evening
dinners and Sunday brunches that I had at B.J.’s, I got to know one of the
other regular patrons. It turns out that
this person had a life-long obsession with trains – – – real trains, model trains, train videos
and DVDs, train paintings, train artifacts and clothes. He even chose what cities in which to work so
that he could be around trains. His
compulsion to continually buy train stuff resulted in his living in a house
crammed so full that one would need a front-loader to clear it out. His having a lot of discretionary income in
retirement, he could afford to buy a
state-of-the-art Lionel “Big Boy” steam locomotive that lists for $3,000.
dinners and Sunday brunches that I had at B.J.’s, I got to know one of the
other regular patrons. It turns out that
this person had a life-long obsession with trains – – – real trains, model trains, train videos
and DVDs, train paintings, train artifacts and clothes. He even chose what cities in which to work so
that he could be around trains. His
compulsion to continually buy train stuff resulted in his living in a house
crammed so full that one would need a front-loader to clear it out. His having a lot of discretionary income in
retirement, he could afford to buy a
state-of-the-art Lionel “Big Boy” steam locomotive that lists for $3,000.
 |
| Lionel O-gauge model “Big Boy” steam locomotive |
I later found out that the
front of B.J.’s was a bar that was known as the place where drag-queens could
go and to be in occasional drag-shows.
Although popular with some people, I never have had the slightest interest
in that phenomenon and don’t quite understand the compulsion to dress-up like
that. But, I could not escape noticing
them on show-nights when some of them would wander through the back
restaurant. I truly admire natural
beauty, but I can’t say that any of those individuals fit into that
category. I sense that most of them
realize that they never will look like ravishing, natural beauties, and some
probably dress up with some sense of satire.
There may be those occasional individuals who do try to look like
Hollywood models. B.J.’s, however, was
not Hollywood nor Los Vegas, and I never did see anything appealingly
eye-catching. Instead, homely faces,
chunky bodies, big feet, ungraceful movements, and lip-syncing tended to betray
any efforts to look truly attractive.
front of B.J.’s was a bar that was known as the place where drag-queens could
go and to be in occasional drag-shows.
Although popular with some people, I never have had the slightest interest
in that phenomenon and don’t quite understand the compulsion to dress-up like
that. But, I could not escape noticing
them on show-nights when some of them would wander through the back
restaurant. I truly admire natural
beauty, but I can’t say that any of those individuals fit into that
category. I sense that most of them
realize that they never will look like ravishing, natural beauties, and some
probably dress up with some sense of satire.
There may be those occasional individuals who do try to look like
Hollywood models. B.J.’s, however, was
not Hollywood nor Los Vegas, and I never did see anything appealingly
eye-catching. Instead, homely faces,
chunky bodies, big feet, ungraceful movements, and lip-syncing tended to betray
any efforts to look truly attractive.
 |
| Two-drag-queens |
I recall one individual who,
from time to time, would come stomping through the restaurant section in a most
ungraceful manner, carrying high-heels, on his way to the dressing area. That poor person’s face looked as though he once
had suffered a bad case of acne. Between
those pockmarks and his usual grumpy scowl, I might have surmised that this sad
person once had worked at McDonald’s and possibly had a compulsion to bob for
fries.
from time to time, would come stomping through the restaurant section in a most
ungraceful manner, carrying high-heels, on his way to the dressing area. That poor person’s face looked as though he once
had suffered a bad case of acne. Between
those pockmarks and his usual grumpy scowl, I might have surmised that this sad
person once had worked at McDonald’s and possibly had a compulsion to bob for
fries.
I suppose that it is
inevitable that, wherever there are drag-queens, there is a certain percentage
of them who become titillated with the idea of toying with female
hormones. For some time now, I have
understood the theory of clinical transgender orientation, and I intellectually
can handle that concept. These are the
people who seriously think of themselves as the opposite gender, and their
transition is carried out, over time, carefully and seriously, with the
assistance and advice of professional doctors and therapists.
inevitable that, wherever there are drag-queens, there is a certain percentage
of them who become titillated with the idea of toying with female
hormones. For some time now, I have
understood the theory of clinical transgender orientation, and I intellectually
can handle that concept. These are the
people who seriously think of themselves as the opposite gender, and their
transition is carried out, over time, carefully and seriously, with the
assistance and advice of professional doctors and therapists.
However, as naïve as I usually
am and until recent years, I was totally unaware of the fact that, throughout
the world, there is an amazingly large number of young guys whose compulsion is
to take massive doses of female hormone, permanently changing their bodies but
with no intention of surgically fully transitioning to female. They rashly do this with black-market
hormones and without the supervision of professional therapists. Instead, they turn themselves into, what is
crudely called, “shemales,” neither male nor female, but individuals with male
genitalia and, in addition, breasts, wide hips, and large buttocks. These are the hybrid individuals who Robin
Williams jokingly referred to as “The Swiss Army Knife of Sex.”
am and until recent years, I was totally unaware of the fact that, throughout
the world, there is an amazingly large number of young guys whose compulsion is
to take massive doses of female hormone, permanently changing their bodies but
with no intention of surgically fully transitioning to female. They rashly do this with black-market
hormones and without the supervision of professional therapists. Instead, they turn themselves into, what is
crudely called, “shemales,” neither male nor female, but individuals with male
genitalia and, in addition, breasts, wide hips, and large buttocks. These are the hybrid individuals who Robin
Williams jokingly referred to as “The Swiss Army Knife of Sex.”
Finally made aware of this
phenomenon, I have tried to intellectually handle well this phenomenon of
hybrid gender, but I have a hard time handling it emotionally. What disturbs me most is that many of these
individuals start out as very good looking young males; yet their masculinity
is destroyed forever. To my personal way
of thinking, that is a waste.
phenomenon, I have tried to intellectually handle well this phenomenon of
hybrid gender, but I have a hard time handling it emotionally. What disturbs me most is that many of these
individuals start out as very good looking young males; yet their masculinity
is destroyed forever. To my personal way
of thinking, that is a waste.
 |
| Shemale |
I also understand that such
unpredictable use of hormones may not always turn out well. There was one tall, good-looking guy who
decided to secretly take hormones. He
told me that he always was afraid that his family might find out. Oddly enough, his day-job was as a tow-truck
driver. He hid from his coworkers what
he was doing by wearing heavy, loose clothes.
Then he would change into women’s clothing and go to B.J.’s. Later, after he had developed breasts, I
overheard him lament that he was sorry that he had taken those hormones because
now he no longer could take his clothes off and go swimming.
unpredictable use of hormones may not always turn out well. There was one tall, good-looking guy who
decided to secretly take hormones. He
told me that he always was afraid that his family might find out. Oddly enough, his day-job was as a tow-truck
driver. He hid from his coworkers what
he was doing by wearing heavy, loose clothes.
Then he would change into women’s clothing and go to B.J.’s. Later, after he had developed breasts, I
overheard him lament that he was sorry that he had taken those hormones because
now he no longer could take his clothes off and go swimming.
More bizarrely, I saw one
evening a short, previously normally built teenager, who had been named “Miss Teen Queen,” who, from taking hormones,
quickly put on a vast amount of weight and ended up with huge, bulging belly,
drooping breasts, and bizarrely wide hips.
I found that sight very disturbing.
I was very puzzled as to why that boy had such a irresistible compulsion to so dramatically change his
body. Did he imagine the results being
different?
evening a short, previously normally built teenager, who had been named “Miss Teen Queen,” who, from taking hormones,
quickly put on a vast amount of weight and ended up with huge, bulging belly,
drooping breasts, and bizarrely wide hips.
I found that sight very disturbing.
I was very puzzled as to why that boy had such a irresistible compulsion to so dramatically change his
body. Did he imagine the results being
different?
Then, a skinny, drag-queen
waiter told me that he once had considered taking hormones until he saw what
happened to one of his friends who had succumbed to that compulsion. His friend took lots of black-market hormones
and then (in the waiter’s own words) “really freaked out and totally lost it”
when he saw how dramatically his body had changed and also realized that those
changes were permanent, especially the expanded bone-structure of his
hips. Just the idea of his doing that to
himself freaks me out, especially since the friend obviously never
thoroughly thought through what he was doing or sought advice from any
therapists.
waiter told me that he once had considered taking hormones until he saw what
happened to one of his friends who had succumbed to that compulsion. His friend took lots of black-market hormones
and then (in the waiter’s own words) “really freaked out and totally lost it”
when he saw how dramatically his body had changed and also realized that those
changes were permanent, especially the expanded bone-structure of his
hips. Just the idea of his doing that to
himself freaks me out, especially since the friend obviously never
thoroughly thought through what he was doing or sought advice from any
therapists.
I guess that the
“trains-on-the-brains” guy’s compulsion to continually buy model trains, train
artifacts and clothes, especially since he has the money to do so, is pretty
mild in contrast to the kid who totally freaked out. At least, compulsive train-guy can trade or
sell-off his trains if he wants to. And
as for me, I can fairly safely continue my obsession with classical music by
spending an inordinate amount of time playing and listening to good music. The freaked-out kid, however, will have to live
a long time with the all-too obvious consequences of his compulsion.
“trains-on-the-brains” guy’s compulsion to continually buy model trains, train
artifacts and clothes, especially since he has the money to do so, is pretty
mild in contrast to the kid who totally freaked out. At least, compulsive train-guy can trade or
sell-off his trains if he wants to. And
as for me, I can fairly safely continue my obsession with classical music by
spending an inordinate amount of time playing and listening to good music. The freaked-out kid, however, will have to live
a long time with the all-too obvious consequences of his compulsion.
© 6 October 2015
About
the Author
the Author
I have had a life-long fascination with
people and their life stories. I also
realize that, although my own life has not brought me particular fame or
fortune, I too have had some noteworthy experiences and, at times, unusual
ones. Since I joined this Story Time
group, I have derived pleasure and satisfaction participating in the group. I do put some thought and effort into my
stories, and I hope that you find them interesting.
people and their life stories. I also
realize that, although my own life has not brought me particular fame or
fortune, I too have had some noteworthy experiences and, at times, unusual
ones. Since I joined this Story Time
group, I have derived pleasure and satisfaction participating in the group. I do put some thought and effort into my
stories, and I hope that you find them interesting.
